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*TW* Broken

Hi! I'm AngelJoy,

I am very pleased if you are reading this. Thank you. Anyway, in my life I get broken every day. I just hope the pieces of my heart aren't too small to fix. I like listening to music, it shows how I feel. I seem to get annoyed and angry pretty easily, I don't know why though. But it annoys me!😠 Hehehehe.🀭 You might think I'm weird, but I'm not. I promise.😊 I'm really good, I swear. I'm unique in my own way. My feelings can get hurt very easily, so I'm a sensitive person. You might say something funny about me and I'd laugh, but you wouldn't know that it actually hurt my feelings. I don't like being laughed at or made fun of. Please don't call me names! I'm sick of people calling me names.☹ I'm sorry if I end up hurting anyones feelings, I have thought back on my life and noticed that I have done that a lot. I'm not happy about it. I feel like a horrible person. The way I feel is like being taken over by demons, I have no control of my thoughts and everything I do. I used to be a very happy, positive girl, but that all changed one day a few months ago. I don't know why it happened, or how it happened. I just felt like nothing all of a sudden one day. I had no idea what was going on, and it killed me. Yes, I have gotten worse since then..

Re: *TW* Broken

Thanks for sharing @AngelJoy. I just wanna say it's awesome that you realise you are unique in your own way, I love it! I totally can relate with being a sensitive soul.. and hiding it when someone makes a joke that is actually hurtful but you pretend it isn't. I'm sorry you get called names, that really upsets me cause that sort of hurt can stick with you forever. I hope that you stick up to people who call you names, or have someone you can go to to talk it through with because you seem like such a caring person and don't deserve hurt like that. I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about hurting others? Sometimes we can do it without realising when we are in pain ourselves. Totally get how much it can suck afterwards when you realise what you've done, especially when you feel like you had no control over it because it's like it wasn't you but it was and that is so hard to explain to someone. The fact you feel like a horrible person because of it though just proves you are not, so try not to be too upset over it. I am sure people will understand. Like I know when someone really hurts me, I always try to think about the why and what has made them do it. And more often then not, I don't blame them for it because I realise they are just in pain or stressed or having a hard time etc. I mean sure there are some really nasty people out there that do it deliberately, but even then, I always feel like there's a reason to it. Idk. Just try not to beat yourself up about it. If you wanna talk about it though we're all here to listen and provide support where we can. I'm sorry to hear you feel like everything has changed. Was there something that happened do you think? Feeling like nothing is such an unpleasant feeling to sit with and I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Is there anything you find that helps when you feel like this? 

Re: *TW* Broken

I don't know why I end up hurting others, I nev-.....oh wait, I have hurt others, all my life and I never even realised it until now. I don't know how I became this way, I can't remember what happened. The only thing that seems to help is uhhhhh, well umm, when my best friend talks to me it makes me feel better. Because he is so nice and encouraging. But he hasn't been talking to me, and I've become worse because of that. It feels like he hates me, and it seems awkward to talk to him again because I wonder what he thinks of me.

Re: *TW* Broken

Aaaand i just hurt one of my freinds..i said she thinks I'm insane and bad because she said I need a therapist. She said, she was saying that because she cares, then she said, but if that's what you think...I can't stop this. I literally have no control. My bad side is showing after years of hiding.

Re: *TW* Broken

Hey @AngelJoy, it must be really difficult to share how you're feeling when you talk about feeling lonely and isolated, and especially when you say things like you feel you're a bad person. I think as part of growing up we see sides of ourselves that we didn't realise were there, or things that we've come to dislike, or want to change. But having things which are part of you that you don't like doesn't make you a bad person, it just makes you a human. I also don't think that you're a bad person or are out of control if you need a therapist. Almost everyone will see a therapist at some point in my life. They're just someone to help you talk through how you're feeling and help work out solutions. 

Re: *TW* Broken

Yeah, I suppose you're right. Thanks.

Re: *TW* Broken

You're not a bad person @AngelJoy. I'm wondering if maybe having your friend suggest seeing a therapist touched a raw spot and that's why you reacted the way you did? Sometimes it can be really confronting when others begin to notice things and then in a way they confirm our thoughts. Like I know you mentioned you have been wanting to see a professional and I'm wondering if maybe the fact she has mentioned that to you has made it feel more real or something? It's hard to put into words sorry. 

Re: *TW* Broken

Yeah, I understand. 

Re: *TW* Broken

Hi @AngelJoy , it's great to see you've started up your own thread Heart I know that being a sensitive soul can be hard sometimes, but I also think it makes you a wonderfully empathetic person. I also love music, what kind of music do you like to listen to? 

 

I also wanted to echo what @MB95 and @Andrea-RO  have said above, needing to see a therapist just means that you are human- I think it's a really strong and brave thing to do. 

 

 

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Re: *TW* Broken

Hey @Janine-RO, I listen to Imagine Dragons sings, The Killers, muse, panic at the disco, fall out boy, uhhh and some others songs like theirs, honestly it just depends how I feel. If i feel angry I listen to sone of Linkin Parks songs, if I'm sad I listen to some slow songs. But yeah, depends how I feel.