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TW: I'm terrified about the future

Since today is mental health day, which I think is extremely important not just right now, but every year, I thought I'd share some fears to seek help.

We have just under 3 months left of 2020, and I wish I could celebrate letting go of what may be the most mentally challenging year of my life, but alas it's not that simple. I won't be able to let go of the pain left by a year with the turn of a calendar. Because our society seems to be obsessed with being bitter about the past to the point where they refuse to move on, and let it ruin our present and future. This year my faith in society has declined even more than before, because I've seen the negativity, toxicity and hate in society triggered by 2020. It's really brought out the worst in people. And people aren't gonna adopt a better attitude just because it's a new year; they're gonna keep digging humanity into a pit of self-destruction. Nobody seems aware that all this hate we are spreading is making the world an even harder place to live than it needs to be, and I'm worried that people are gonna make our situation worse instead of better, and on purpose. Lately I have been really scared that by the end of the year, an extremist movement across western civilization will emerge where people will go around deliberately infecting millions of people with covid to cause the numbers to shoot up higher than ever, because they are sick of humanity and want to put us out of our misery because they've decided that we are too far gone to ever be saved, and things will never get better. I'm terrified that the US election in a month could be the trigger that would cause this genocidal movement, because people will think that the world can never recover from 2020. For years now I have been psychologically manipulated by what other people say. My entire mental wellbeing is solely determined by other people, meaning I have no control over it. This is how our generation has been taught how to act; being manipulated and pushed around by others to the point of letting them ruin our lives. It's such a shame that today's youth feels like they have to forever be mentally broken and dysfunctional because the world is a horrible place that is crushing our spirit. More people should be advocating for mental wellbeing for all of humanity, but instead too many people are just bringing each other down. I've tried so hard to be positive and brave for years, but society just keeps beating me down and it keeps getting harder for me to get back up and keep fighting in the world. I'm worried that by the end of 2020 I'm just gonna be too scarred to be able to keep on going anymore.

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Re: TW: I'm terrified about the future

Hello @Bento, I can understand why these are some fears of yours. These events/fears of yours that you have shared are quite scary. Not knowing what the future holds can be such a hard thing to deal with. I am wondering if you have had a chance to share these fears of yours with someone else in your life? Maybe a close friend/support that you feel comfortable talking to? It sounds like there has been a lot on your mind tonight. Do you have any enjoyable activities planned for tonight that might help you feel a bit better?

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Re: TW: I'm terrified about the future

 Hey @Bento 

Thank you so much for sharing that with us all. 

I can definitely understand what you mean. 2020 has definitely been a challenging one. Something I like to do is search for good news stories. It kinda restores my faith in humanity, keeps my mind of the usual news which always focuses on a whole heap of negative stuff with headlines made to scare people. It can be refreshing to see some good things happening all around the world- there definitely are some! It's just not covered on media as much unfortunately. Maybe you could try doing this?

 

What else do you think might help you? Heart

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Re: TW: I'm terrified about the future

Hey @Bento, I think these fears are definitely justified particularly in light of everything that has happened this year. I too am terrified for the US election in November- it scares me to think that such narcissistic and deranged people are allowed to lead a country. I think at the moment it’s so easy to focus on all of the negative aspects of society. The media makes it extremely hard to avoid. This year I have barely seen any positive or uplifting news stories. Although this year has been incredibly tough, I have tried really hard to focus on the positives and do activities which I know will make me happy. Maybe you could try this too? I’ve also been trying to talk to friends and people that I find to be uplifting. I feel like it really is difficult to stay positive for such a prolonged period of time in such a harsh lockdown and with so much negativity surrounding us, but I think it’s so important to take care of yourself as much as you can and do the things you love to try to make this shitty time a little bit better

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Re: TW: I'm terrified about the future

I've tried looking for good things in the world too, but I'm afraid that it pales in comparison to the bad. It seems like people only want to share bad news and give bad people more power over them, which I'm worried will discourage people from bothering to do nice things because no one will acknowledge them, making it worthless. The fact that I genuinely believe people will deliberately spread covid as a form of terrorism should be telling of where my faith in society is; I don't trust people to help make things better. I would have thought people would want to fight the pandemic so they can return to the things they love, but I know that some people will stop at nothing to stop others from doing harmless innocent things that they enjoy, so I'm really scared people are gonna make things worse and cause covid rates to shoot up to an all time high. I'm honestly not sure if I even want to go back into society because I just can't function in it properly.

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Re: TW: I'm terrified about the future

Hi @Bento, it sounds like things are really hard for you at the moment. This year has been really challenging overall and I can hear that it has had a massive impact on you. I know what you are saying about the bad news in the media. It can be so easy for people to be attracted to bad news without even realising. As an example, bad news is frequented a lot more in the media because it taps into feelings of anxiety, worry and sadness.. which are probably more likely to get more clicks and comments than other stories. It totally sucks and for that reason it can be important to be mindful of the type of news that you are being exposed to. There is nothing wrong with limiting the type of things that you read or watch.. especially during 2020 Heart

You mentioned that you can't function in society properly. What would functioning in society look like to you?
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Re: TW: I'm terrified about the future

It would be nice to stay safe from the news, but that's simply not an option. Lately I've regressed to the point where I avoid the news because I cannot deal with it in a healthy way, causing me to avoid situations because I don't know how to deal with them properly. No one really talks about being able to confront things like this, so I've never really been able to learn. And it's too late anyway, I've already been exposed to the worst the world has to offer.

I've felt like I've been unable to function in society normally long before the pandemic began, because I feel that society has grown so toxic and dysfunctional it has impacted my ability to live a normal life. It's reached a point where I'm scared of everything, because the outside world is not a kind and friendly place. It is incredibly stressful, hostile, and doesn't care about your physical or mental wellbeing. And so I'm worried that it's wrong for me to have dreams and goals in life because society would not support me, they would want to hurt me and make sure I never achieve those goals. My family is very supportive of me; they have always tried to encourage me and want to see me succeed in life, but lately I've pushed them away because I'm afraid that it doesn't matter what they think, because the outside world does not share that same sentiment.

So basically, for me functioning in society would mean being able to go about my everyday life mostly peacefully without being crippled by anxiety and fear of what other people think. I just don't know how I can possibly get there from where I'm currently at, especially not in the span of 12 months.

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Re: TW: I'm terrified about the future

Hey @Bento 

 

I'm so sorry to hear that you're in such a dark place at the moment. I know you expressed concerns about not understanding (or not fitting in) with society prior to the pandemic, so I can only imagine how you're feeling now.

 

It sounds like you're really scared about the outside world and worried about what other people think. When you say you're worried about what other people think, do you mean about you or society? Or both?

 

I noticed that you have pushed your family away, despite them being supportive of you. Does this help you cope with the situation or make it worse?

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Re: TW: I'm terrified about the future

I'm worried about what people think of everything really. It makes me really upset to see people being so horrible to each other, it feels like people do it because they think it's easier to make it in the world by being cynical and hateful. People these days don't like it when others express their own independent opinions, they want everyone to agree with them and so manipulate everyone into being clones of each other who all regurgitate the same thoughts and words. Society forces you to be exactly the same as everyone else, and trying to be different in a way they don't like will result in you suffering their wrath. And so if enough people tell me something, I have no choice but to blindly listen to them.

Next year I was hoping to do some of the things I couldn't do this year, like go to conventions selling my artwork at a table for the first time. I like conventions because they're a fun, positive and safe environment where I feel like I can be myself without fear of people wanting to hurt me, but the lack of conventions has made the world feel that much more hostile and miserable. And now I'm worried that there will be no conventions next year either if people deliberately make the pandemic worse. I'm even worried that people will boycott the vaccine by destroying it to make sure the virus will never be stopped, because they believe that we don't deserve it. Do you think it's possible that we will see a wave of covid-spreading terrorism by the end of the year?

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Re: TW: I'm terrified about the future

Hi @Bento I can’t say exactly what will happen in the future but I do think that many people want to beat this virus and get on with their lives. There are definitely some crazy people and politicians out there but I like to think that most people (well those who I have been interacting with) are really banding together and giving each other support in these difficult times. We’re all here to support you through this tough time as well so hopefully that restores some of your faith in society and humanity. I’m really sorry to hear about not being able to go to art conventions. We’ve had to make so many sacrifices this year and it’s really sad to hear that you’re not able to do something you love because of COVID. Hopefully they’ll be up and running again soon. In the mean time are any online conventions running perhaps? Or would you be able to sell your art in another safe and secure way online? I know this period has been horrible and it can be really tough to keep positive but know we’re all here to support you through this tough time.