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TW: I was abused when drunk

Hello,

So I'll start from the start. I live with my hometown friends and my brother in a foreign country in the same house. I thought as we live in the same house, we consider each other as brothers and sister or at least friends and I trusted them. So everytime we partied, I party hard and got drunk because I thought nothing would happen to me. And when I'm drunk, I kinda flirt with everyone and even kiss people sometimes. And after that when we got back from the party, I was sleeping in my room and my brother went to the bathroom. One of our friends enter my room and he tried to kiss me and take my pants down. I was taken out of surprise and still drunk but I tried to stop him. I can't believe he tried to do something like that.

The day after he apologized and said he was drunk and was out of control. But my other friend told me that he told him that he was proud of what he did and he won't stop until he has sex with me.
He actually doesn't live with us, he just stays for holidays and he will come back again today. And I am really scared of that because he lives in same house as me and I don't know what to do. I don't like him or anything and I even feel disgusted for what he did. 
The thing I often go out and have fun and get drunk with my other friends. I don't like the fact that I have to stop having fun because of him. But I don't feel safe anymore in my house.

I haven't told my brother anything because I am afraid he will fight the other guy and he will kill him because of how protective he is. 
Can you help me with what should I do? I felt so naive.

And also I feel ashamed that when I am drunk I flirt with people and kiss some. What should I do?

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Re: TW: I was abused when drunk

Hello @Alia273 , I am sorry to hear about what you have been through. I can't imagine how difficult things must be for you right now. It is really brave of you to reach out for support and share your story with us. You mentioned that you have not told your brother about this, but I am wondering if you have had any chance to talk to any of your other family members or friends about what has happened? You might find reaching out to others and getting their support to be helpful during these tough times. They might also be able to help keep you safe as you mentioned that you are feeling scared. It might be a good idea to have others that you trust around you so that you can feel safe tonight.

 

If you are not feeling too comfortable talking with family and friends about this, there is always the option of calling up some helplines in your area or talking to a counsellor or psychologist. Do you think that's something you'd be able to do? I hope that you are able to get some support to help you through these times. If you wanted to read some information about understanding sexual abuse and what you can do next here is an article that you might find to be helpful.

 

I am also just letting you know that I have sent you an email Smiley Happy

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Re: TW: I was abused when drunk

Hey i'm so sorry to hear about what a terrible situation this is. urgh it saddens me to hear that people are like this and i'm glad u made the post and are thinking about it rather than trying to sweep it under the rug. i think that's incredibly smart of u.

 

not sure if i can be of a huge help but this is my personal take on it. ur safety is paramount and the first thing that matters is u. is there anyway that u can move out or at least tell a roommate that you trust about how uncomfortable/unsafe u feel with this guy around because then they can act as a second pair of eyes if u are unable to physically leave this situation. I hope u r able to talk to ur roommates/friends about this situation and hopefully if they are good friends, they will have ur back. because if i hear my good friend is threatened/feels unsafe with some guy i sure as hell am not inviting him back but i do understand everyone is different and has different histories with friends 

 

i also totally get what u mean by a protective brother. i have a brother and we are each other's rocks. my bro (when he heard about my neighbour molesting me as a kid) straight up confronted the neighbour against my wishes. so i know its a tricky situation. however, if u really fear for ur safety, i have to admit, letting a family member know is best because u dont wanna risk getting hurt. i dont know about ur brothers temperament, but if u were to tell him it could be good to get him out of the house (maybe a cafe or something) and tell me in a public space and reason with him like "hey this is the situation please don't kill/hurt the guy because it doesn't help me" and basically explain what u want him to do and how u feel, because when he hears that he may calm down a bit

 

but basically what im getting at is ur safety is the number one priority. please let ur roommates know so that they can look out for u or maybe just stop inviting the guy over (like u guys can hang out at a neutral place like a pub and then afterwards, u and ur roommates make it back home without him) and if worse comes to worse, i think letting ur brother know could be a safe thing. imagine if something dangerous was happening to ur bro, u would want to know right? anyways, i'm here for u and the whole community is here for u

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Re: TW: I was abused when drunk

Hey Alla273

This sounds like a really distressing experience. I can imagine this would have been a really tough few days for you. I'm so sorry this has complicated some of your relationships and lliving arrangements.

If it is any help, friends of mine who have experienced abuse have benefited from talking to trusted friends and family about the experience and how it impacted them, as a way of reaching out and securing a support network. Do you think something like this might help you?

In relation to your mentioning of feeling shame, I have struggled a bit with shame. For me, trying to offer myself self-acceptence, maybe a reminder I am not perfect but that's OK, has always really helped me when I am feeling critical of some of my behaviours.

How are you feeling today?
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Re: TW: I was abused when drunk

hi @Alia273  im sorry to hear whats happened. i dont have much to add to what others have already said except that there is a free counselling service called 1800RESPECT that you can talk to counsellors in confidence about what happened

 

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**
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Re: TW: I was abused when drunk

Hey @Alia273 

 

@I am really sorry that happened to you. My heart goes out to you...because that wouldn’t have been an easy thing to come to terms with. Are you feeling better now? Sometimes the stuff we are scared to do...like tell a specific person is exactly what we need to do. Your safety comes first. Is there any way for you to explain to your brother about the situation...and just ask for support, making it clear that you don’t want matters to escalate further? Don’t feel ashamed @Alia273, we are human at the end of the day. It’s okay to let loose sometimes..as long as that’s what feels right to you. I have had my fair share of things I am not so proud of...but the best thing you can offer yourself at the moment is forgiveness and love. You need yourself more than anyone else right now. Is there anyone else you trust that you can reach out to for help? Like a trusted adult that won’t make matters worse? 

 

Hang in there ❤️❤️

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Re: TW: I was abused when drunk

Hi @Alia273! Welcome to the forums!
I'm really sorry that you went through such a distressing experience, which you did not deserve in any way. Heart It's understandable that you would feel disgusted about it and you're right, you shouldn't have to stop having fun as a result of his actions.
How are you doing now?
We're here for you. Heart

Re: TW: I was abused when drunk

Hi @Alia273! Thankyou so much for sharing your story and being brave enough to speak out about it. Please remember that what happened to you is in no way your fault and even if you are flirty while drunk it does not give anyone the right to take advantage of you like this.

 

Just popping in because I can see it's been a couple weeks since the last reply on this thread - how are you doing now? What steps have you made to help overcome this difficult situation, and is there anything more we can do?

 

Take care Heart