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TW: Relationship Help

Hi

 

I am 22 years old and have been going on with my current girlfriend for about a year and a half now. I feel like we always fight and lately I am losing my cool way quicker and more intensely than before. In the past 2 months, we've had more fights than I can even count and lately I have been losing control. I haven't hit her and nor would I ever do that. I feel like I just need to rant and tell my story to whoever wants to hear it.

 

I guess I have always coped with anger in an unhealthy way. Everytime I get angry I just punch the nearest thing to me and react in a very physical way. I have never hurt anyone this way. I have never punched anyone or any living thing. It has always been something like a wall or a steering wheel, etc. I believed this was normal but lately i think it really isn't the right way to deal with stuff. 

 

Lately with my current girlfriend when we have big fights I find myself punching stuff in her car. For example a couple months ago I punched the dash in her car and the air con vent broke and yesterday i smashed my phone on her windshield and her windshield broke. 

I feel myself becoming more and more physically abusive and my biggest fear right now is that one day I will lose control and do something that I can't simply fix with a phone call to a mechanic. 

 

I need help dealing with this anger. Can someone please help me with some coping mechanisms and some helpful tips? 

 

Cheers,

JJ_Cahill

Re: Relationship Help

Hi @JJ_Cahill,

 

Thanks for sharing - and good on you for knowing there's a problem building up and deciding to reach out for help!

 

I had a lot of anger issues when I was younger, that also expressed themselves only in certain relationship dynamics. As far as tips go, all that helped me was walking away and going for some physical exercise - I then found I could come back to the conversation/issue with a calmer head.

 

Do you think you, or maybe even you and your girlfriend would be up for talking to a counselor? It can be a scary thing to bring up in a relationship - especially if it makes you feel like there's something wrong with your dynamic - but it can also be a way of saying you care about your partner and want to get along better? Have you had a look on the ReachOut 'NextStep' function? If you click through there it should have some anger management/relationship specific helpful resources - or even maybe somewhere you could go in your area.

 

Are there specific subjects/topics with your partner that make you angrier than others? Feel free to share/rant on here as much as you'd like or feel comfortable - happy to be here as a sympathetic ear whenever you need!

Re: Relationship Help

Hi @JJ_Cahill,

 

Welcome to ReachOut and thank you for making your first post. It takes a lot of courage to reflect on the way you manage emotions, and take that first step to seek support - I hope you will find this is a supportive place to share your story.

 

It sounds like a difficult few months for you and your girlfriend, and I can see you have taken the time to think about the anger and self reflect. Anger can be a really difficult emotion to feel- when that anger builds up, finding a healthy outlet can be really important to keep yourself and others around you safe too.  

 

It looks like you might be interested in having a chat with our community about coping with anger and finding healthy outlets, is this right? Managing anger and frustration is a skill that many people are working to build. Have you found any healthy outlets for anger so far? 

 

We have a great resource about dealing with anger here that you might be interested in. Are there any of these strategies you could try?

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Re: TW: Relationship Help

Hi @JJ_Cahill. It is super awesome that you are able to reflect on your behaviour and are seeking ways of addressing your anger issues.

From personal experience, a lot of men are unable to be honest with themselves are their partner about what is going on and actively try to resolve them. My ex partner behaved in the way you have described and I found it really intimidating.

 

Relationships Australia offer one-on-one and also couples counselling if that is something you were interested in. They also have programs that work to address relationship issues. Here is a link to their website https://www.relationships.org.au/relationship-advice

 

Mensline also have a lot of great information on their website  and also offer a 24/7 free support service. The number is 1300 789 978. This a link to their website https://mensline.org.au/

 

Hope you find them useful!