TW ish- vent about friend group

[wolvesrunfree]

Sorry in advance to this it's very long :/

Okay so today I learned that sOmOnE in our friend group has been physically abusing my friends, I didn't know it got up to this point and I didn't know if was happening to a different friend but this is where all this stuff started, so like my friend H got a girlfriend N and she Was getting abused by N for about 3-6 months without us knowing what was happening, but thankfully H got out of it and told us everything about what was happening, and she felt so down and stuff and N sent her pictures of her self-ham and made drawings of herself hurting herself and telling her how we probably hated her and stuff, so we almost lost H as a friend but thankfully she's still our friend now(that was about near the end of last year)  and around the end of last year to the start of this year N went for another one of my best friends J and started emotionly abusing her the same way she was to H, and thankfully J new what she was doing but we still needed to talk to her about how N was a bad person (wich she hates her now bc of what she N has been doing lately)and J asked N not to sit with us bc she has other friends and she sent the messages to L and C to make it seem like she was the bad guy and N is the victim and then L got mad at J and H about it, and then there was a Minni fight, thankfully not as bad as the last fight we had and C already knew that N wasn't the victim bc J had already told C about what happened and now she is going after C so, it started as a play fighting like play punching and stuff like that until N has started to physically hurt her, I don't know to what extent but it's bad enough for C to be scared of N, N was doing the same thing she did to H when they were in a relationship, and C is starting to think like she should let it happen to her so she doesn't do it to anyone else, I only lernt about N hurting C today from J in pe today and I said we should get the school involved but we don't want the situation to escalate and we dont want then doing nothing like they did to me when ex-friends was threatening me online and I don't know what to do, I don't want my friends getting hurt and stuff but I don't know what to do 

[WheresMySquishy]

Wow @wolvesrunfree that sounds like a lot to deal with. I'm so sorry that you and your friends are in this situation. Nobody deserves abuse.

Are you and your friends safe right now?
Is there anyone that you or your friends could inform about the abuse, such as a teacher, counsellor or family member?
Could your friends be persuaded to tell someone at the school anonymously, such as by writing a note and leaving it on a teacher's desk? Is there someone who can advocate for you, such as a family member or student leader?

[Maddy-RO]

Hey @wolvesrunfree 

That sounds quite dangerous. Thanks @WheresMySquishy for the quick response - you have asked all the right questions. 

I'd encourage you to chat with a parent or teacher about this if you can. It is not okay for someone to be hurting someone else - whether it be physical or mental etc. I know you're worried about it escalating but at the same time, one's safety comes first. 

Also, just letting you know that I removed some aspects of your post as they were a bit too graphic, and therefore against our guidelines. They can be read here. 

Also, thought I'd inform you that if we believe that a person is in immediate/ serious danger then we have a duty of care to report it to the relevant authorities as also explained in our guidelines. I just have to let you know this so you have informed consent about what you share going forward. 

[wolvesrunfree]

Yeah @WheresMySquishy it really is rn,
I'm pretty sure my friends are safe, I am to I'm thinking about telling my phyciatrist tomorrow now, and I might leave a note on a teaches desk but I Doubt that would work :/ I have told my mum a bit of what happens but not the parts I learnt about to day tho,so I will try to tell my phyciatrist tomorrow

[wolvesrunfree]

Hi @Maddy-RO
Yeah sorry I kinda forgot what was good to post and stuff, I will be more considerate in the future!
And yeah as I said to @WheresMySquishy I will most likely talk to my phyciatrist about this tomorrow and try to get help with that, and I'll try to tell the school aswell

[WheresMySquishy]

@wolvesrunfree  I think that telling your psychiatrist is a great idea. Just bear in mind, there's a chance your psychiatrist may be a mandatory reporter and may have to make a judgment as to whether the abuse should be reported and if they should report it themselves.

Do you think that documenting what's been happening would be beneficial? Sometimes, I feel that this can help in these kinds of situations. Your school may also have an 'incident report form' or something similar that you can fill out.

[wolvesrunfree]

@WheresMySquishy yeah I kinda hope she reports it, becuse I'm kinda scared to do it tbh.

And yeah I've been thinking about starting to document some of the things that go on (like this and other stuff) and yeah there are incident report form stuff but I have to go to the student room and ask for one, and I have to say my name and stuff I'm pretty sure :\ put I'll try to say something.

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @wolvesrunfree,

I'm hearing that the concern with reporting is mainly around losing your anonymity if you do a report through the school, is this correct?

That's great that you feel you can talk to your psychiatrist about this. They also may be able to give you some ideas about how to support your friends to make a report when they are experiencing bullying or abuse too. 

If you want to check back in after the conversation with the psychiatrist, we will be here to listen

[WheresMySquishy]

How are you and your friends going @wolvesrunfree? I hope the appointment went well.

[wolvesrunfree]

Hey @WheresMySquishy and @Jess1-RO
Sorry I haven't really been on lately 😅 bit the appointment went really well! I can't remember what happened but I know I did talk about the issue of that, but the person isn't in our friend group anymore! It's been sorted out at school and stuff.