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TW saying my feeling i guess?srry

there are lots of different topics in here I'm so sorry this is sooo long but if you read it then cool and if you don't cool

ok so im bad at saying my feelings but here I go I guess.

I've gotten really bad over the past weeks and no ones noticed, I don't know what brought this back on but the worst thing is I don't know how to stop feeling this way. I've made myself to stop and think about self harming and ending my life, I've never been able to say anything about my feelings which makes it harder because soon im going to break down and hurt myself, I've gone numb, I want to cry but for some reason I can't, it really hurts and the worst thing is I want to leave this pain but I don't want to cause anyone else pain. it's really hard im trying my very god damn best but everyone pushing me, they tell me to try harder and I just can't anymore I don't know how to do anything anymore so I've just stopped all together I went numb bc of this and more. I just want to take things for this but I cant. I want to leave but I cant. im scared about everything. I can't do anything about it, every time I come to school I put a fake smile on and no one notices, im not fine even if I say so im really not im just trying to survive and not cry so I either act like myself or I stay quite. I can't even find myself. I put on a mask just so everyone around me doesn't have to worry about me, so I don't hurt them. I was in counselling but i lied to get away from it bc I can't talk to people about my feelings. I only talk to people who i do but dont know like my online friends i had 2 of them that were willing to help me but they left me and now i have really no one and i miss them because they helped me, they were older then me (not a big diffrence) i didnt really know who they were so i didnt hide my feelings at al,l i know im not supposed to but its easer for me to so i dont lose people. im sick of acting carm when im putting an a mask and acting like "myself" i just cant stop though if people worry about me then in the end they will stop because im such a mess that i cant do anything and then they will leave me and i hate when people do that it really hurts, i just don't want anyone else to leave me

Re: TW saying my feeling i guess?srry

Hey @wolvesrunfree this sounds so very painful, I am sorry to hear about this experience and want you to know we are here to listen and are sending you heaps of love. Even though you cannot see it right now, you are worthy and these feelings will shift. 

 

Before we go on I am very concerned about your safety. Are you able to stay safe today?  I know you mentioned you don't like talking about your feelings but would you consider a web-chat with Kids Helpline (14-25 year olds)? They're a really good service and have incredible counsellor's, everything remains totally confidential. You can access webchat here.

 

ReachOut isn't a crisis support service, it's really important you get some qualified support right now. Also I edited your post just to remove method Heart No biggy it's just a part of our community guidelines

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Re: TW saying my feeling i guess?srry

thank you but i am safe i have my friends there stopping me without knowing it, i can never hurt them

Re: TW saying my feeling i guess?srry

Great to hear that you are safe @wolvesrunfree, although it sounds like you are in so much pain. I get that it is difficult to share your feelings and it is hard to let someone in. At the same time, people can only take you for your word. If you don't express how you feel, then people will really be unaware of how you are feeling. If people don't know how you feel, then they don't know how to help or that you even need help. It is scary to get your feelings out there in the open and you don't have to tell everyone you know. You can choose who you are comfortable telling. A good place to start can be with professional services like Kids Helpline or Lifeline (13 11 14) as @Bree-RO has listed. This can help your practice for when you tell your friends or family how you feel. You don't have to do this alone and the people around you can create boundaries so that they are not hurt by you. Over time it will be easier to express how you feel, although bottling it in only builds tension and feelings of sadness. What do you think? Smiley Happy

Re: TW saying my feeling i guess?srry

yea its not a bad idea, and not that long ago I tolf one of my best friends of how im feeling. but it was through text