Taken advantage of
In March 2018, I got taken advantage of by this girl at high school party. I was was kinda good friends with the girl and we had a decent friendship. I knew the girl had a crush on me but I didn’t see her in that relationship type of way but being a dude I would of probably done something with her. However I wasn’t happy with the way the thing happened and after further thinking and remembering I figured out that she took advantage of me and finessed me into hooking up with her.
It all happened after a school event and there was a party, I never had drinks before and it was my first time drinking, it first started with me getting some drinks off my male friend that kinda got me a little drunk n tipsy. Then the girl who took advantage of me gave me some more and she definitely knew that I was drunk and she wasn’t really drunk she was drinking but she knew what she was doing, she been trying to talk to me the whole school event and showed signs that she was into me. The girl kept giving me drinks and us being decent mates we left the party together either to do things or to talk I am not sure. We got to some alley way and kept talking, we were definitely both thinking about it but I wasn’t sure and didn’t really want to do it cause I knew the effects of it happen to me and my life, but she kept giving drinks and really pressured me to do it. I was speaking uncomfortably barley standing like I was messed up and the girl knew that but she definitely targeted me and took her opportunity to get with me.
After this day I was really confused about what happened this night but I instantly became scared of this girl and that day has created major pstd and I have like idk became attached to this girl coz like I am embrassed that she took advantage of me coz I am dude and that’s ruins ur male ego and pride.
I have forgiven the girl but she waited until school was finished to tell her friends and brag about making out with me coz she knows I wouldn’t tell anyone about this event. This has lead to me getting asked questions and getting laughed at coz this girl isn’t the best look but she decent. I lied about it coz I was embrassed about getting taken advantage of rather than making out with her but no one sees my pov because I am the dude and it’s very hard to believe because I have lied about it to all my school peers. I really don’t care about the situation anymore but I am just upset because the girl doesn’t know how much she effected me negatively and made me very upset and created major metal issues and ptsd about the night.
I am mostly angry about people not knowing the truth and beliving the lie just to make fun of me and bully me because of my position at school and the percipation I give out to others. I am also angry because the girl doesn’t want to tell the truth because she knows I wasn’t good that night but still did stuff with me and definitely took advantage of me and my state that night. She probably doesn’t even knows did something wrong that night and I probably have to tell her but I am scared of confronting her because she definitely more muscular and taller than me and she scary man.
I probably worded this whole thing wrong and explained it wrong but that is how I feel man and the only way u can express it.
Thank you for reading lol
Re: Taken advantage of
Man, what an utterly shit situation to have to deal with! The double standard that exists for male and female victims is absolutely not okay, and needs to change.
I can understand the anger you're feeling about all of this. It's ultimately up to you if you want to confront her about what happened. It sounds like you're trying to gain some closure but are unsure of how to do so?
I'm wondering if you've thought about chatting to any of these services? There's a few resources specifically for guys which might be useful.
I also just wanted to mention the case of Terry Crews (which you can read about here - trigger warning). The dude is a former NFL player and was still taken advantage of You're not alone, and you can get past this
No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish
Re: Taken advantage of
Hey @Drippin123, welcome to RO and I’m really sorry that you have had to go through this. From what you’ve written, it sounds like you’re still trying to process everything that’s happened, and that’s fine - it will take time to heal wounds like these, but please know you are not alone. ❤️
@lokifish has already linked you through to some great services which you can talk to. I’m also wondering if you have received any support from a counsellor or mental health professional? I’m really glad that you have found us as an avenue of peer support.
I also must agree that there is a double standard regarding male and female victims, and there definitely needs to be more general awareness around this.
I hope this helps.
Re: Taken advantage of
Hi @Drippin123 thanks for reaching out to us and recognising that this is something you need some support with, it takes a lot of courage. I'm wondering if there's anyone at home that you can talk to or a close friend? I can appreciate it's a really private matter so if you feel like those aren't an option, you could try eHeadspace or Kids Helpline. Both have web chat and phone support available if you find you're struggling. We're here for you
Re: Taken advantage of
I'm really glad to hear that you have confided in a friend and that this has been something that was helpful. Talking about this experiences with people who you trust and know are going to support you is so important. Do you think you would consider professional support?
You mentioned earlier that you felt that this experience may have an ongoing impact on your life. It is really courageous to acknowledge the impact and reach out for help here - we really want to see you get the support and kindness that you deserve. It can be really tough to talk about being taken advantage of, and processing those feelings can take time. But there are services that have been designed to support people who have survived these traumatic experiences and who understand what you may be going through right now.
I'm wondering if you have heard of Blue Knot before? They are on the list that @lokifish linked, but they are a service that specialise in supporting people experiencing the long and term impacts of a traumatic experience. Having spoken to them before, they are incredible respectful and well trained to support people to take the next steps in reducing the impact of events like this on their wellbeing. There are also male specific support lines too.
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