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Uncomfortable with Sex

I started experiencing feelings of arousal for the first time about a year or so ago. I didn’t like it and it felt weird to me. After a while it went away, and hasn’t really bothered me until a few days ago. It seems to come on for no real reason, and it feels really weird, uncomfortable and unpleasant. I feel like something might be wrong because I know most people don’t feel so negatively towards this kind of feeling, but I really don’t like it. I’ve talked to my mum about it, and she did seem a little confused and unsure of what to say. She thinks I might be labelling it as “bad” in my head. I told her I couldn’t change the way I feel about it, but she said I could and that eventually it’ll start to feel more normal. I’m not so sure. I can’t explain why I don’t like it, I just don’t. It just feels unpleasant and weird to me. I’m not really sure what to do or what might be happening.

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Re: Uncomfortable with Sex

@Clementine75 do you know what asexual means?

Basically some people just aren't into that stuff, and that's okay.

You don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with.

 

Another possibility is that it's just really unfamiliar for you.

If you think that's a possibility, perhaps you could experiment (safely). It doesn't have to be with anyone else btw.

Again though, if the thought of doing that makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to do it.

 

With stuff like this it's really important to go at your own speed, even if that means you nope out of the whole situation. (Which is what I'm leaning towards, it's really not my thing...)

 

And if you feel like something is really wrong, there's always the option of talking to a therapist about it.

Again though, there's no pressure to do anything you don't want to.

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Re: Uncomfortable with Sex

Yeah, I’ve researched asexuality a little bit and have wondered if that’s what it is, but not wanted to label myself, at least not yet, because I’m still not really sure. I don’t really want to explore further with things, so I’m just going to leave it for now and see how I feel.

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Re: Uncomfortable with Sex

@Clementine75 that sounds like a good plan.

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Re: Uncomfortable with Sex

I just (because of this) sometimes feel really uncomfortable in my own body. I feel like there’s a disconnect between it and my brain. Physical feelings like I’ve mentioned seem to bring on discomfort and anxiety more than anything.

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Re: Uncomfortable with Sex

That makes a lot of sense @Clementine75, I think a lot of people deal with a disconnect with their brain, and the body that they happen to inhabit. Sometimes a lot of people find that these feelings can relate to their gender/gender presentation. This can often be triggered by sexual experiences, as a lot of people can be reminded of their gender presentation and how people perceive them. Are any of these experiences something that resonates with you?

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Re: Uncomfortable with Sex

No, not really. I have thought a little bit about how my appearance might affect people’s perceptions or expectations of me (I look a few years older than I am), but it wasn’t what really brought thinking about this kind of thing on, and I’m not really experienced either. It feels like more a disconnect between physical feelings and emotional feelings in reaction to them. They don’t really line up. Physical feelings that I know other people might like stress me out and make me feel uncomfortable. It might feel kind of nice for a split second but then it starts to feel uncomfortable and I freak out.

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Re: Uncomfortable with Sex

Hey @Clementine75 these feelings sound like they are pretty confusing for you, are there any patterns you've noticed in when these feelings happen? 

Feeling this discomfort and anxiety must be pretty exhausting, would you want to get professional support to chat about it? No worries if not, just wondering if that is something you have been thinking about. Is there anything that helps you feel a bit less stressed when this happens?

 

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Re: Uncomfortable with Sex

I’ve noticed that it can come at certain points in my menstrual cycle. In terms of feeling less stressed, I’ve not really found a good way to deal with it. Talking to someone professional, I’m not sure if this is the kind of thing that they could help with. I have thought about it a bit, but I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with it or who I’d go to.
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Re: Uncomfortable with Sex

It's good that you have been keeping track of how you have been feeling lately @Clementine75, I hope that you find that to be useful. It's a shame to hear that you have not yet found a good way to deal with your feelings of stress. Sometimes distraction techniques can help in the moments when we are feeling stressed out. Watching a movie/show on Netflix is a good technique, is this something that you would find to be helpful?

It's cool that you have thought about talking to a professional, and understandable if you are not feeling too comfortable to talk to them about it yet. If you do find yourself feeling a bit more comfortable, I would recommend having a chat with your GP as they should be able to help point you in the direction of another professional that can support you best Heart