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Re: Unsure if i should stick with current boyfriend - advice?

Hi there! Yeah I think I pretty much have made my decision. I am having a good conversation with him right now, though earlier I asked if he wanted to come to mine (he always makes excuses) and he quite just said “lazy”. He doesn’t mean bad but I have brought it up multiple times as I said before. My dad doesn’t reckon he is right for me, and I don’t either in fact. I think I need someone more outgoing and who respects me and doesn’t playfully put me down. Even though the good times are good, other than that I get nothing. I will see this through coronovirus, as a final chance, and then I think it is best to leave it be, give him some space to grow as a person. I think at the moment he likes the idea of me and is putting in minimal effort, rather than actually wanting to make an effort😿it is a sad time of contemplation at the moment unfortunately. Really just reassessing what I need in my life.

 

thank you so much for replying and understanding🙂

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Re: Unsure if i should stick with current boyfriend - advice?

Hey, @comerfordius.

 

I'm not too sure which words to start with. But the first thought that comes to mind is thanking you for opening and sharing the events that have been going on and the thoughts on your mind. I know I am a stranger, but I can definitely see the maturity and strength you have through these posts.

 

It is not an easy situation to be in - To love someone but wonder if they are right for us. Many parts of this I can relate to in my own way. An important thing I want to reassure you of is that you are allowed to ask yourself...

 

  • Am I happy in this relationship?
  • Am I able to meet their needs?
  • Are my needs being met?
  • Are we able to work as a team?
  • Does this person communicate with me?
  • Does this person respect and value me?

Even then, I know it is not an easy process... And something tells me that there is a feeling of 'I don't want to go, I want to say in hopes that things change'. If that is the case, it is a very valid feeling. Love is a very sacred feeling and I don't think any person could easily just drop those feelings - And if I were to guess, especially in a case where a person isn't inherently bad, they're just not as mature as they should be.

 

I hope that no matter the outcome, whether he makes the changes you are hopeful for, or... if none at all, you have that support and that this situation doesn't change how you see or feel about yourself.

 

As I said. You deserve to feel valued, important, wanted, needed and importantly, happy in the relationship. I'm hoping for the best, Comrfordius. And if you can, please keep us updated about your aunty. I hope the surgery goes smooth and easy.

 

Sincerely,

Khajiit.

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Re: Unsure if i should stick with current boyfriend - advice?

Thank you so much for the lengthy reply🙂yes that whole message is exactly what I feel and I do believe that maturity has a lot to do with it. I will keep you posted about the relationship and my Aunty🙂She had emergency surgery yesterday for a biopsy and we will not get anything new until next week.

 

Many Many thanks for the reply💕

Re: Unsure if i should stick with current boyfriend - advice?

Hey @comerfordius 

 

Fingers crossed you get some good news Heart

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Re: Unsure if i should stick with current boyfriend - advice?

Thank you so much Smiley Happy

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Re: Unsure if i should stick with current boyfriend - advice?

Apologies i don't know how to start a new post without replying to someone.

 

Hello all, i thought id give a little update on my circumstances. My Aunty has now lost vision in her left eye and we are waiting to recieve the results of her recent bone marrow tap. In regards to my relationship, i am much less emotional about breaking up in terms of i am more positive. However i do not know if this is a good thing or not. I am struggling with holding myself back and letting him take the lead, which has made me realise that i am very much attached to him. Funnily enough, i planned to end it today and i was so so emotional and distraught, however 2 days ago my mother gave me a different opinion and thinks that with some development in maturity and putting more effort in, he would be the right guy. And i was suddenly very conflicted about my future decision. I know i shouldnt base what i do on my parents opinions, but it makes it harder when one is optimistic and one thinks he's not the right guy. I came to the conclusion through this that i need more adventure, rather than staying over at his all the time with the occasional movie outing. We also had a mild discussion about future long-term goals, in which we decided we would save up for 2 years to go to japan together. I also asked him about marriage, house and all the deep stuff and he gave me some time periods we could achieve those in. Still, i am keeping an eye out for any commitment on his side, though it made me very happy that we had the long-term chat. Now the main thing i am finding annoying is when he disregards what im saying by automatic responses such as 'yes' and 'interesting'. E.g. "what did you do today" (me) - "yes" (him), which i have since told him i find irritating and he needs to make the effort to give a proper response. I have general mixed feeling at the moment and feel like i am always bringing up relationship issues with him. But there are a lot that we need to work on! especially on his side. I have not fully retracted back into the lovey dovey, non-breakupy girl of the months prior, though i will make a justified effort to retract back a little bit to see if he does his part, if he can be bothered i guess. But that's another story.

 

Thank you for reading if you got this far, just updating on circumstance and the current fluidity of my emotions towards my situation Smiley Happy

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Re: Unsure if i should stick with current boyfriend - advice?

@comerfordiusThanks for the update. I'm sorry to hear about your aunty. I hope she's okay.

 

In terms of your boyfriend, it sounds like you aren't ready to let go yet and want to give things another go. And I totally get asking your parents for advice, I've done the same in the past when I've had relationship difficulties. It sounds like you've made some progress in terms of discussing future plans. It's good that he's open to talking about that stuff - it sort of implies he's taking you seriously. Talking about marriage is a pretty big thing and from what you said, it sounds like he's open to the idea, right? It sounds like now, you want to see him put his words into actions, correct? I really like how you've identified that you need more adventure and expressed that to him. Going to Japan sounds amazing, but in the meantime maybe can do low-cost adventure, such as going for a hike at the nearest mountain, or exploring a nice cafe in the city Smiley Happy. I guess all you can really do is communicate with him and hope that things improve. I can see how having to constantly bring up relationship issues would be exhausting for you though, and I really empathise with that.

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Re: Unsure if i should stick with current boyfriend - advice?

Yes! You have definitely put my whirlwind of thoughts into a proper, readable paragraph Smiley Very Happy I thank you so much for that reading this has definitely enabled me to pinpoint certain feelings and where i am coming from. No i don't think i am quite ready to let go and yes i certainly would like to see his words put into action. I have also started discussing other things to do when this 'stay at home' business ends, such as camping and paddle-boarding, to which he has been...somewhat open to i guess? Yes my parents have been brilliant throughout this whole bananza, even with my dad having to deal with my aunties diagnosis last week. I do still believe that my bf wants to stay home and game with friends before anything else, though i feel he has very slowly began to realise he actually needs to put an effort in. It is not as much as i had hoped for and we cant really do anything due to the virus, though a start is a start. I have let him know that i dont expect him to do everything adventure related that i want to, just that he starts getting out the house more and actually doing things with me more often. Hopefully this follows through Smiley Happy

 

Thank you so much this reply was really helpful in enabling me to put my thoughts into proper structure Smiley Happy

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Re: Unsure if i should stick with current boyfriend - advice?

Hey @comerfordius ,

 

Sounds like a good plan.  Start off with small goals and see how he goes.  Who knows, it may spark an interest in him he didn't know he had Smiley Happy.  

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Re: Unsure if i should stick with current boyfriend - advice?

Hello again all,

 

just a quick (and short i promise) update. The boyfriend issue is improving slowly and i am giving him the benefit of the doubt. So far so good on that end. And my Aunty is currently being treated for non-Hodgkin lymphoma only in the brain and began chemo yesterday! all is going rather well in an unexpected turn of events Smiley Happy

 

Thank you all for your support it has really put me in a better mindset where i have been able to better evaluate my emotions. I will continue to update Smiley Happy