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What am I going to do ?

My friend who I have discussed before about having self harming thoughts has invited me to her party that is coming up. I don’t whether to go or not ? She has just became so rude and arrogant towards people in my friend group, I don’t want to put me Time and effort into someone who treats everyone like trash. Also she has drained my happiness a lot and most days now I feel sad, mad, angry and I’m now starting to take it out on the people I love. My biggest fear is becoming like her which I don’t want to become and I want to become myself again. I really want to drop her as a friend only because the way she’s acting towards others. I’m worried once my friend who is going on the 6 month exchange to Japan that she will try and cause drama and the group will be spilt apart. I’m trying to stay positive with everything but it’s really difficult knowing she’s treating others like trash. Once you talk to her about the way she’s has been acting she doesn’t even  recognise the fact that she’s treating others like this. I know this is going to sound really mean to certain amount of degrees but most of my friends including myself think she is faking having depression and self harming thoughts because she has mostly told most people in my group and things don’t add up. I don’t hate this friend I just don’t like the way she has been acting and she’s changed quite a lot. 

Re: What am I going to do ?

Hi @Dleehy2002, I'm sorry to hear that you're having some problems with this friend of yours. By the sounds of things, you have spoken to her before about her behaviour, is this correct?


It looks like you have a few options:

  • You could go to the party and see how she acts
  • You could not go to the party, and plan to meet up with her and have a discussion about her behaviour and how it is affecting you
  • You could not go to the party and create a bit of distance between the two of you


The choice is completely yours. When it comes to friendships, there is no right or wrong thing to do. However, if she is making you feel angry and upset, some space may be the best thing for both of you. There's absolutely nothing wrong with detaching from her for the time being for the sake of your own feelings and wellbeing - it's hard to be your best self when you are around toxic people!


With that being said, if this is a friendship that you would like to survive, consider writing down the reasons she is worth trying for, and the ways that she is impacting you so that you can get really clear on what needs to change in order for your friendship to be productive and healthy for both of you. 


Sending all my best your way, friendship troubles are tough! xx 

Re: What am I going to do ?

Hi @Dleehy2002! How are you feeling today?

That situation sounds really tricky. Your feelings are understandable. It sounds like she's creating a lot of toxicity and drama in your friendship group and that it's now hard to be around her. Smiley Sad I think it's great that you have recognised that her behaviour is affecting other people too. You sound really caring.

What do the other members of the group think of her behaviour? Are they planning on going to the party too? Do you think that you would still be able to have a good time at the party? Is anyone else outside of the group who is aware of her behaviour, such as a teacher?

Do you think that she could be a toxic friend? Here is a list of signs that could indicate that a friend is toxic. Here is a quiz which can also help you tell if your friend is toxic. These friends can really take a toll on your mental health and leave you feeling drained. I can't tell you whether or not to attend the party or continue your friendship with her, but there is nothing bad about ending a friendship with someone for the sake of your mental health. Some questions to ask yourself to help you decide whether to end the friendship include whether you have supportive friends who don't treat you badly and whether you will be better off without having her as a friend. If you do want to end the friendship, here are some ideas about how to go about doing so. If you want to talk to her about how her behaviour is making you feel, this article might be helpful.