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What do girls....do ?

Or like doing ? What do they do in their free time ?

 

My angle hear is that, I cannot connect with girls on any level that registers higher than "acquaintaince". I put it mostly down to "not enough things in common", "my interests are too narrow". But then I think about what their interests are and go into "wait, their interests are too narrow"....

 

I imagine, the majority seem to centre their free time around music, or at least that is the impression I have anyway. Catching up with friends to talk about...their friends.....that can't be everything though right ? What.....what do they spend their free time doing ?

Re: What do girls....do ?

Well, I think a good start would be to stop thinking of girls sort of like a different species (which is kind of the impression I'm getting, just from what you've written). If the girls in your life you know from school/uni or work, then you already have something in common to talk about and connect over.

As for interests, we generally like movies or TV, like everyone else in the world... I'm not really sure if I can speak for everyone because I think everyone has different interests (girls AND guys). But as for me, I like food, the internet, travelling (or, fantasising about travelling), art, music, Harry Potter... When I catch up with my friends, we talk about how life/school/uni's been, whether or not they have a job, whether or not they're driving yet, what movies we've seen lately, what we should go eat, anything interesting or ridiculous we've seen online, sometimes if some major world issue has come up we'll talk about that... You'll notice that most of these things are things that guys can talk about as well.

(I'm sort of just assuming you're in roughly the same age range as me) 

It's not always just: girls like shopping and guys like gaming. Like everything else in life, there are the polar opposite extremes, and then there's a whole spectrum of everything else in between. Each person is different and individual, but I also think that human beings have a lot more in common than we usually realise.

Re: What do girls....do ?

Pretty much exactly what Graphiqual said. We're not a different species, just a different gender. Think about what you do on your own and around other guys, are they really things that girls just couldn't do or speak about? Most of the things would probably be the same things you could do with girls.

Have you had a look at http://forums.au.reachout.com/t5/Man-Cave/So-how-do-I-talk-to-girls/m-p/17794#U17794 ?

Re: What do girls....do ?

I agree with what the others have said - I don't feel like guys and girls are that innately different. I act the same and do/talk about essentially the same things whether I'm hanging out with guys or girls. As for what we do - I spend my time at uni, studying, going to work, volunteering, outdoors (hiking, climbing etc), watching tv/movies... and when I catch up with people we usually talk about what we've been doing lately at uni/work, anything interesting that has happened in our lives or the lives of people around us, what we've got planned for the next little while, what we've been watching on tv/listening to... nothing particularly mindblowing.

Re: What do girls....do ?

Yeah, I did read that mancave article....although I can't say I agree with it overly much....was tempted to post there though....

 

From what I have observed, the guys around me that act "the same" around girls as they do around guys also are the ones with the least amount of friends who are girls (In most cases - zero). 

 

And the problem with the whole "okay, we are in the same class at uni - that's something to talk about" is that often its the ONLY thing to talk about. As such, it never really gets past an "acquaintaince" stage. One thing, while good for actually getting a conversation going, does not by itself usually generate much more than that.

 

Movies, TV is difficult because it is so broad. Like, the last movie I watched was Agora. On the flip side, the things other people seem to watch, I don't. Maybe I need to put more time into it (I was hoping to avoid that, since it's in my view a pretty "time-heavy" interest), I don't know...

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Re: What do girls....do ?

I think the key to having a good conversation with another person (whether guy or girl) is being interested in THEM. That doesn't mean you both have to like the same things, just that you're willing to talk about what the other person likes. So, for example if you both like movies, ask her what movie she saw recently, what she thought of it, what she liked/hated about it, what movies she's planning to watch... At some point she's likely to ask the same questions back at you. There, you're talking.

As for uni, I don't know what you're studying, but if you guys are studying the same thing, then isn't that already a common interest? (I'm hoping you're interested in what you're studying)
Generally, having a conversation starter such as uni is just a good catalyst to talk about things. If you're finding it hard to keep talking beyond this topic, then like I said before, try to just be more interested in her. Ask questions. Could just be: What did you do on the weekend? Any plans for the holiday/long weekend?

I should add that I don't think you should feel the need to change yourself in order to have something in common with someone else. In my opinion (though some people may disagree), common interests isn't the most important thing in a relationship, but having something in common (no matter how small or mundane) as a starting ground is helpful. Sometimes it's the differences that make for the most interesting conversations.

Re: What do girls....do ?

Well, what are your interests? Chances are whatever you're into, there are girls out there into the same thing. So if you like foreign cinema, join the film club at your university or an internet cinephile forum. If you're into music, go to live shows or like a few Facebook pages of your favourite bands. If the girls you are currently meeting don't share your interests, find some that do!

 

Re: What do girls....do ?

What don't you agree with about the article?

It's not so much about acting the same around girls, there is going to be a difference, it's just about treating them more like a friend.
Have you ever watched how little kids interact with people? When their young enough to not care at all about the difference? It's more like that. Or how you'd treat a sister.

If you're observing how the guys without many female friends behave around them, how about observing the guys with a good amount of female friends?

How did you make your male friends? How did you get and keep that first conversation going? Could you really not have a similar conversation with a girl?

Re: What do girls....do ?

The problem with asking questions about stuff you aren't interested in, is that it just becomes a one-way conversation and eventually both people get bored. If I want to have a conversation with someone who will not contribute anything, I can talk to my reflection (we have a really annoying habit of saying the EXACT SAME THING and the EXACT SAME TIME, I know right)

 

I've actually finished uni (yay) and not working, the last girl I spoke to in real life - sunday mixed basketball, my best mates girlfriend. Outside of "the sitation" (in this case basketball) we seem to have nothing else in common....Just like every other girl I seem to talk to....

 

I am sure there are girls out there that are into the same things as me. But as an example, lets take sports and gaming. Lets say 10% of girls are interested in sports and 10% are interested in gaming. That's 0.1 * 0.1 = 0.01 aka 1% of girls with my two biggest interests. That said, I'm yet to actually meet a girl I can talk about (for example) the fact the Denver Nuggets winning streak ended today or how my "myplayer" in nba 2k13 is going.....This is one of the reasons why I feel like I need to take up a new interest, girls just don't seem to like my interests.

 

The treat girls like my sister advise I doubt would work. I stay out of her way, she stays out of mine....

Guy friends with a high proportion of friends who are girls. I can only think of three and would consider all a bit "two-faced", act differently around guys than girls. In fact I would say they are "more nice" around girls, going against the "nice guys finish last" thing from the other thread. Why am I here nothing makes sense anymore I just get more confused....

 

The formulae for male friendship is simple. Start with core of friends, suggest group activity (the best ones, imo,  are gaming and sports, since these are team orientated and reasonably priced), friends invite other friends to partake in activity, new friends. Girls, never seem to turn up however....

The key is the group activity. It's not like a movie that you could just watch by yourself, there's no-where near the same level of interaction with something like that.

Re: What do girls....do ?

Hey alter-ego! we'd really love to hear from you over in the man cave about the article! we'd love to hear your opinion!!

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