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Why am I scared?

I don't know why or how this fear came about. But I am scared of one person that I see almost on a daily basis. This person does have control over me in a sense. Every time I am near them my heart beats and I get so nervous, I end up spending the whole night feeling sick for no reason. I have little to no reason to be scared of this person, as I complete tasks correctly. I just don't know why it came about. I have this constant thought that I always have to gain this persons attention, or impress them and then end up regretting the multiple times I've confronted them about little or silly things because I feel like I've annoyed them. And then I try to set myself a goal to limit my conversations with the person, kind of like playing "hard to get" but not with someone you want to date (??). It's not someone I'm attracted to, but hopefully you understand where I'm going with this. I just don't know why I fear this person so much and they probably don't care at all / I don't phase them at all. This might not even make sense to anyone but I just needed to let it off my chest!

Re: Why am I scared?

Hey @cjkb. If it's not attraction, do you think it's more like admiration - like getting star-struck around a celebrity? I used to feel a bit like this around one of my old professors at uni. I really admired his work, so when I saw him around campus I would get all nervous and either not talk to him or babble uncontrollable and then feel like a huge dork later. If that's the case, you're definitely not alone there. We all have our fangirl/fanboy moments over people we admire, and seek approval from.

Re: Why am I scared?

Hey @ellbelle. You could kind of say that, it's so confusing. It's not admiration, I don't aspire to be like this person (not that they're bad) but I just always want to know that I'm in their good books. This person has the ability to end my job so I guess in that sense I could kind of be a little scared?

Re: Why am I scared?

You can admire someone without wanting to be like them @cjkb but I understand what you mean. It makes a lot of sense that you want to stay on the right side of anyone who could control or affect your career. It's probably a smart move too! But if doing this makes you feel uncomfortable or frightened, it might be worth speaking to a counsellor. Or you could find a dorky photo of them on Facebook so they don't seem so intimidating anymore Smiley Happy


Re: Why am I scared?

Hey @cjkb


I can understand what you mean. I like @ElleBelle's suggestion of finding a dorky photo of them so they don't seem intimidating anymore lol. 


I completely understand where you're coming from. I often feel like I need to be in peoples good books, and not just my employers! I sometimes get anxious when i feel like i've lost their favour, and often I find out that I was worrying for no reason. I don't think what you're going through is too unusual, but if it's really affecting you then i'd second ElleBelle's suggestion to speak to someone like a counsellor or your GP about it. 

Re: Why am I scared?

Hey @benjamin_, thank you! 

I am new to seeing my councellor - I had my second visit yesterday and have mentioned the feelings I get - we are going to work on it and set myself some goals.

Thanks for the advice!


Smiley Happy

Re: Why am I scared?

That's great news @cjkb, I'm really glad you found a great counsellor to help you work through it Smiley Happy