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friendships and loneliness

i will try and talk about this in the least negative way possible haha, but it's a real issue that i feel a lot of people are possibly going through, so i wanted to start this thread, and maybe make new friends Smiley Happy


at the moment, i'm  first year uni student, fresh out of high school. I feel like ever since high school, i have become more aware of the fact that my current friendship group are not genuine. I have always only had a handful of close friends, but now i am questioning that. The current people in my life have rendered me to be that background friend, the second choice friend and the forgotten/excluded one, and the rest of them are tighter than ever. It questions where it all went wrong. The current handful of friends in my life, which i used to call my best friends, have now become a case of zero effort to maintain our relationship, bitching, lying and exclusion, to the point where if i receive a text or something from them, i actually feel a drop in my stomach and i get anxious (though not anxiety, just nervous). this feeling just makes me want to cut all ties, but then i'm faced with the, perhaps worse fact, that i will literally no longer have any friends in my life. 


so just wondering, if anyone else is going through this struggle, we can get through it together Smiley Happy

Re: friendships and loneliness

Hi @beanz_321!

I know that there are a fair few people here who've been dealing with loneliness and friendship issues, I think this is a really cool thread!

Do you mind if I tag a few people who might be able to contribute to it? 

Re: friendships and loneliness

of course! let's get this convo going!! Smiley Happy

Re: friendships and loneliness

@Rachel-A @Neakey @WheresMySquishy @AlphaZero434 @xXLexi_Lou122Xx 

Are any of you guys interested in this thread? (sorry if I missed anyone or included anyone who's not interested, this was just off the top of my head).

Re: friendships and loneliness

Hey @beanz_321  this does sound like a tough situation. I've been through this before in high school where people you were once close with no longer put in the same amount of effort to hang out and be friends and it sucks. If you feel like you are being excluded by your current friends then they really aren't being the best friends they can be and it's not a nice feeling to be excluded. Only you can decide if you should keep these friends around you, however I think friends are meant to make you feel happy and excited to see them. Maybe if you feel comfortable enough to do so you could try talk to them about this and explain how their actions are making you feel? 


You mentioned that you are a first year uni student and are worried about not having any other friends. Making new friends can be a bit scary and hard, but this is such a great time in your life to meet new people and make friends with people who share the same interests with you. Have you met anyone through your degree who you have connected with? If you are looking to make new and genuine friends I found the easiest way to approach new people at uni was to start up study groups with classmates, or ask one of your peers if they want to catch up for a coffee or drink and go over the coursework. Through my experience I found most classmates were always eager to study together and it is a great way to talk to new people and make friends while also being productive! 

University social events are also a great way to connect with new people. Keep an eye out on university social pages to see potential events that you may be interested in and these may also be great opportunities to meet new people. 


I hope this might help in some way and let us know how you go with the situation. And best of luck for your first year of university! It is an exciting time in your life! Smiley Happy 

Re: friendships and loneliness

Hi @beanz_321! Meeting new people is easy, but making friendships last can be really hard. Realising that your friends aren't the genuine people you thought they were is tough. I can relate to your situation because some of my friends from high school and I fell out after uni. I would try to stay in touch with them, but they wouldn't do the same.  I think that during times of stress or transition, some people seem to outgrow and suddenly not want to have anything to do with their old friends.

In a way, it can be a blessing because you can realise who your true friends are. There are genuine people out there, so don't lose hope or give up on making friends. My sister got really sick and people we knew for years and lived nearby never asked how we were doing, never visited and never offered to help in any way. On the other hand, a friend of ours who had moved interstate calls every week to ask how my sister is and one of her friend's grandparents were constantly coming over to provide us with support and bringing around things to cheer her up. Sometimes a casual acquaintance can turn out to be more of a friend than your current friends.

A simple way to meet new people in uni is through student groups. Supportive groups can be really helpful for your wellbeing. You might be able to find ones in your university online.

Re: friendships and loneliness

@beanz_321 i understand your sitution and am also a first year  uni student . sometimes we fail to recognise the right people in our lives even if they have been with us for long. friends are a very important asset in our lives and the way they behave with us affect us to a great extent. but hey sometimes is just better to have 1 or 2 real friends than have a group of fake friends. i used to feel the same way when i was in school i had group of friends who just treated me as a a backgroung filler. i failed to recognise my true friends and as i moved on i appreciated them and started embracing them and let go of those bunch of friends. all am saying is just follow your heart and do what u feel is right even if it means letting them go. eventually u will find the right group of friends.Smiley HappySmiley Happy



Re: friendships and loneliness

Never had rl friends n totally fine with it. At first it was sad but i got used to it. Independence and self freedom worth it. And frends can be online and in games dat great.