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friendships and relationships and self image i geuss

might be a lot to discuss in one go but... 

Lately i've been feeling a little under appreciated by my friend group and i'm not sure what to do. i've always felt like i'd make these lifelong friends that i would do everything with, honestly a ride or die friend or even just one best friend like what the people around me have. But i don't feel like its happened yet and i'm just frustrated. Just as much as i'd dreamed of meeting a guy that i would be crazy about and the same for him. i'm the biggest romantic and sap i know but it seems like i cannot for the life of me even get guys to come up or talk to me, and if they do my worst fears about being so completely boring are reaffirmed because they get bored and stop making an effort!! i want what my best friend has, i love everything about her relationship and i get so upset everytime something doesn't work out. 

recently i had my formal and valedictory, where my friend invited this guy that my whole group knows i've been crushing on since year 10. problem was, that i'd never had the chance to talk to him so its always been an impossible fantasy. ive talked about him before and particuarly this year because that same friend is close with him. so i thought itd be great that maybe id get the chance to speak to him. long story short, turns out my friend *likes* him and wanted a pass at him, which i totally thought i gave her enough space to do, but she felt that i had overstepped and spent too much time with them for that to happen. Maybe i did unconsciously, but i was just so excited that he was there and i got to speak to him, i'm so shy and i've lowkey glorified this kid for the past three years so maybe when he came up to me i didnt realise. well after that night i've been texting him, so confused about whatis going on becuase he hardly ever replied or gave short answers but then would flirt? or so i think i'm not sure, but to make it worse, this friend confronted me - drove over to my house to have a 5 min chat (probably becuase she knows id be intimidated by her this way and just accept everything she said). Now both he and this other guy id been talking to have left me on read and ignored me and i feel awkward with not only my girlfriend but my other friends that knew why she had been upset that night and hadn't bothered to tell me when i asked. its the fact that the one guy id liked had talked to me and deemed me not enough or boring or not what he was into when id spent three years secretly liking him, the other guy that i thought i might have a chance with but wasn't sure if i wanted anything more with felt the same and that in all my efforts all i really want is for someone to see me and think like wow thats a person id like to get to know. 

it all feels weird, i never feel like i have anyone to tell which is why i dont know if the group of people i call my best friends are really that for me? i have always just expected that my friends would go over and beyond for me the way i do for them. i sat with my group today a group of 6 or so, feeling so alone, hardly spoke and only two people noticed or said anything; my closest/best friend who made an effort to speak to me and covertly asked me if i was okay, and my other friend that simply said you haven't spoken much today at all - to which no one replied... 


i just want to feel important to someone i guess is what i'm saying. sorry for the rant Smiley Happy 


Re: friendships and relationships and self image i geuss

Hi @selbelle welcome to RO! First I want to say well done for opening up about this. It sounds to me that you're feeling quite lonely at the moment, and you're not sure if your friends are right for you, is this correct?

There is a lot to talk about here, so I want to start talking about your friends first, if that's okay? It also sounds like you're in year 12, yes? This can be an incredibly difficult year for friendships. A lot of people who are about to leave high school feel confused about who they want in their lives. I know when I was in year 12 I had a group of friends that were nice, fun, funny and we did a lot of fun stuff together, but I always felt that something wasn't quite right. It actually took me a really long time to realise that there was only one or two people in that large group that I actually wanted to spend time with. Is this the same for you? You said there were 2 people who made an effort with you, are these people you would like to become closer with? Or would you like to be more a part of your whole group?