recently i have developed rather serious feelings for my friend who is a girl ( i am a boy btw)
This girl knows i have feelings for her cause i asked her out a few months ago and she said no but she wanted to stay friends we went through an awkward patch but went back to being all good , however this past month i have really started to fall for her again.
I was considering taking a break in our friendship for a bit do you guys think this is a good idea ?
Hey @Lonelyboy17 . It sounds like you got totally friendzoned. I'm so sorry to hear.
I have actually been on the delivering side of friendzoning someone and like you, I had a friend who I knew liked me and we were best friends. I really really liked us being friends and I turned them down about 2-3 times. Mostly it was okay because we still talked but it did get a little awkward for a while and he barely spoke to me for a couple of weeks but then he apologised and said that he understood. My reasoning for saying no may be completely different as to why this girl is saying no, but for me it was because I had personal issues to do with confidence and I just really didn't feel like I was ready to be in a relationship at the time. That being said, I feel a little guilty because i think I may have mislead him into thinking I felt the same way because I truly cherished our time together and didn't realise that maybe I was flirting and showing signs that I wanted to be in a relationship. This person however, continued to talk to me and we stayed friends and we actually spoke about why I didn't want to be in a relationship. This went on for about 3 -4years and now....we are together and I couldn't be happier honestly. But I do not regret saying no all those times earlier because I just knew I wasn't ready.
So there are a couple things i am curious to know. The first is how old are you? The second is "has she expressed why she has said no?"
The other thing in response to your question is this - if she makes you happy and you get along and you are great supports for each other, then would it be wise to ignore that and spend time away? That being said, it could be just a simple matter that you maybe talk less often for a while while you sort your feelings out. Is she making you unhappy when she says no? Is she sending you mixed messages?
It is so great that you care about this person. I cannot say that your story will work out happy like mine - but i can say that things can happen and you never know what is around the corner. I think that taking a break in talking might be good because you might find that this person will contact you more. This could be a good indication of how she feels about you, even just as a friend p.o.v.
Another reason why I kept saying no was because I was scared btw to be with someone after prior relationships.
I hope things can work out for you! You sound like good friends and I think she is lucky to have you either way.
Hey @Lonelyboy17, I hope you don't mind if I chime in here. I'm sorry that you're having a tough time, I know from experience how hard it can be to have a crush on your friend. Navigating a friendship where there are feelings involved on one end can be tricky, but if you value the friendship, it can certainly be done. Ultimately, time will help you the most, but in the meantime, there are some strategies you can use so things don't feel so hard. Here are a few tips, feel free to use or ignore whichever ones you like:
- Hang out in group settings rather than alone for a while
- Avoid doing anything romantic if possible (e.g. going to the movies, dinner). Instead, opt for more platonic activities like studying together
- Try to pull yourself up when you find your mind wandering off to a romantic place - this one can be hard, but if you avoid making too much physical contact, or daydreaming about what it might be like to be together, these thoughts won't come up as often because you aren't indulging the fantasy anymore
Stay strong, @Lonelyboy17. If you ever need to chat, I'm always here
I'm sorry to hear that you're in this situation. I understand how confusing it can be for you emotionally.
From my experience as a heterosexual female ( I am a girl who likes boys ), I have been on the other side of this where my male friend had feelings for me but I didn't.
I found that the only way I could just be "friends" with them was to try to be consistent with things like not accepting offers to give me a massage (which I actually wold have loved), paying for myself, not staying overnight etc. It made me feel guilty just being friends with them because I knew that they wanted and would always hope for more. So I had to limit the amount of time I spent with them so that I could be just friends with them without unintentionally leading them on. So I would only see them maybe once every few months. To have a closer friendship with them made me feel like I was taking advantage of them.
Hey @Lonelyboy17 ! Yeah that is really rough. It sounds like you have really strong feelings for her and that she also really values your friendship and time spent together. I do like the suggestions that @dncinginthedirt , @queenP and @Taylor-RO have said.
I feel like a possible thing to do that may help is to broaden your friendship zone. What I mean by this is try to connect with other people, not just this girl if you can help it. It's not really fair to care so much for someone in a romantic way and to not have those feelings returned. It must be seriously tough and I bet at times frustrating. It seems like this girl does care and value you though, otherwise she wouldn't want to spend time with you at all.
Are you at school together and have classes together?
I suppose focusing on school or your own personal goals could really help give you some You Time and lift your spirits a bit.
What do you think?
Things to check out:
Stressed about the bushfires? Have a look here for ways to cope
Here's a calendar of all the discussions we will be having in November!
Share your thoughts in our Special Discussion on Friendships!
Seen something fantastic on the forums?