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not very sure what gender i identify as :')

so for the past few years, a topic that's been bothering me is my gender identity. i am biologically female, but i don't feel like it at all. i noticed this first when i was in about fifth grade (a very long time ago sksksk) when i began to feel uncomfortable with people using she/her pronouns with me. however, at the time, i didn't know much about what it meant to be transgender and i had no idea that androgynous people existed.

 

nowadays, i identify as pansexual and i use he/him or they/them pronouns as these are the two that make me happiest. however, im not sure whether id identify as male or androgynous. i love it when people call me by he/him pronouns and it feels right, but the whole idea of becoming a man makes me somewhat uncomfortable. i look like a boy right now- i wear a binder (im hoping to get chest surgery when my family saves up enough money) and im also thinking about starting testosterone. however, the idea of becoming completely a man (having a very long voice and more hair) just doesn't feel right. i know that im not a girl, and ive known that for quite a long time, but right now im debating between somewhere on the nonbinary scale or just being a trans ftm. does anyone have any ideas on what my identity may be? 

Re: not very sure what gender i identify as :')

Hey there @peachyrnjn - thanks for opening up about your gender identity thoughts here. It can be a confusing topic , especially when you find yourself feeling mismatched with the gender that was given to you at birth. 

 

Sounds like you have really good insight into who you are, and what feels right for you  -like using he/ him pronouns. It's perfectly ok that you're not 100% feeling one gender or the other. Dressing like a male  doesn't meant you have to go "all the way" to become a male in other ways. 
There's a whole spectrum of gender that we all fall somewhere on, and whatever makes the most sense to you is perfectly ok!

You don't have to have it all figured out right now. 

Your identity is honestly, whatever you would like it to be.  Dress how you like, and identify how ever you like - there's no pressure to decide on all the parts of your identity now , (or ever). 

 

We have some resources over here that might be helpful for you . 

 

Just a heads up - that it sounds like you might be posting to us from the US - is that correct? Reachout is an Australian service, and we are best equipped with services and information over here.

I'm gonna shoot you a quick email about this now Smiley Happy 

 

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