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Help my girlfriend is confusing me

Hey reachout so my girlfriend is being super inconsistent and confusing she starts saying stuff like how I deserve better and how she's gonna treat me with respect and love but then ends up trying to avoid me, push me away, lying to me about alot of things, and etc (gonna save the rest for private personal reasons). She then apologises for everything then promises and says "trust me I'll treat you better" but then treats me better for 2 days then goes to the same pattern. I've communicated with her so many times and i don't know what to do. So my question is what on earth do I do?

haidarahmad313
haidarahmad313Posted 19-03-2023 05:04 PM

Comments

 
Chloe-RO
Chloe-ROPosted 19-03-2023 09:54 PM

Hi @haidarahmad313 ,

 

Thank you for reaching out and sharing what is happening for you right now. It sure does sound confusing and it is understandable why are seeking support from the community. 

 

We read that you have communicated with her many times about what is happening. Do you think she is aware that she is being inconsistent? For example, have you told her, "You said you are going to treat me with respect and love, but then you push me away. I don't understand." Perhaps she is not even aware she is contradicting her own words? What do you think?

 

Also, in terms of better communication, you may want to have a read through this. It may support you in being able to better communicate what you are feeling about her actions.

 

We'd be interested to hear whether you think any of these communication strategies will help.

 
 
haidarahmad313
haidarahmad313Posted 20-03-2023 02:46 PM

hey,

yeah ive told and she admitted that she does realise what she is doing but never explains why which ends up making me feel more confused.

 
 
 
Pho-RO
Pho-ROPosted 20-03-2023 05:47 PM

Hey @haidarahmad313 that definitely sounds pretty confusing, I'm sorry that you are going through this. It's hard to say why she might be behaving in this way, but it is obviously having an impact on you. Do either of you have supports like a school counsellor or someone like that? 

 
 
 
 
haidarahmad313
haidarahmad313Posted 20-03-2023 08:45 PM

hey, she does she has alot of people but with me i only have her but when i do vent and communicate she ends up devaluing it. 

i gave up on my therapy 

 
 
 
 
 
Pho-RO
Pho-ROPosted 20-03-2023 09:29 PM

@haidarahmad313 oh that's no good to hear, being devalued makes it that much harder to process and move through your feelings. That is something the right therapist could help you with - if you gave up on therapy, it's possible you just weren't with the right person. I've always found it helpful to have a few different people in my life I can turn to when things get rough, because I get different kinds of support from each. 

 

I guess with your girlfriend, it's hard to know what the best thing to do is. It sounds like she does actively want to treat you better, but it's hard to break habits/patterns. You might have to decide whether it's worth sticking around to see if things will get better, or whether it's too much stress on you. Never an easy thing to think about, for sure. But we can support you through it as best we can ðŸ˜Š

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