Help with dealing with stuff

Yeah☺☺

Hi @Rainbow_foxy I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing today? It sounds like there has been a lot going on and I wanted to let you know that we are thinking of you 💜

I'm doing okay☺ I'm still struggling a little but it's mostly about making friends and keeping them🥺 I also have picked up the habit of overthinking every little thing but over all I'm getting there☺ thank you all for the help and support☺

Glad to hear that you are doing okay @Rainbow_foxy. It sounds like you have taken quite a positive perspective on what has been happening. Overthinking can be really hard to manage so it's great that you feel like you have been able to manage it so far though! 😁Are there any strategies in particular that have been helpful? 

Distracting myself from overthinking is kinda getting harder now🥺 I've been ovwrthinking for a while now and it's stressing me out but I've recently just found my favourite TV show that I've been watching and it's calmed me down now. Of a night when I can't stop overthinking I usually listen to music and watch Heartland (my all time favourite show🥰) but those are the only things I know of at the moment☺

I'm sorry to hear that you've been having trouble distracting yourself @Rainbow_foxy I am an overthinker myself, so I can definitely relate to this. It's so hard to find a good (and distracting) TV show, so I'm glad to hear that you've found one! Dont forget that we are always here if you want to talk 💜

I'm sorry for disappearing for a while. I've came onto here to ask you all if there is a way to calm yourself from relationship anxiety... I'm currently talking to this person who I like and they like me to but the past 2 nights I've pushed them away because of past traumatic experiences from past relationships and I'm trying so here to work on it but I'm terrified to get my heart broken again... any advice??🥺 p s you all are amazing❤💙

I am sorry to hear that you have been feeling worried about this new relationship @Rainbow_foxy. I can understand why you are feeling hesitant as it is not a nice experience to get our hearts broken. Would you feel comfortable having some sort of a discussion with this person about why you might be pulling away? You don't necessarily have to share with them everything that you are thinking/feeling but might feel comfortable sharing something with them about being hesitant. It might be helpful for you to discuss this with them to see what they say or how they feel 😃.

I've already talked to thrm about it but it's very scary because of how attached I am to them... like I know that I want a relationship with thrm but not if it messes up our friendship🥺

Hi @Rainbow_foxy, I am sorry to hear that you have been feeling so scared about it. Changing your friendship into a relationship can be a tricky decision to make. I don't blame you for feeling worried. When you talked to them about it, what did they say? You could also try some distraction techniques on your own, or especially if the other person is unavailable to chat at that time. We have a whole thread of them here 😀 I don't know how long you have been going through this for.. but have you ever thought of talking to a professional about the way that this is making you feel? 

I am currently seeing a professional but can't at the moment do to lovkdown. But I took the big leap and made them my partner because I believe you only live once😅 anyway there is still some anxiety there but it isn't that big. It's just trauma from past relationships that are hard to deal with now😊 but thank you all so much😊

Congratulations @Rainbow_foxy that sounds like a really big step - I'm happy for you that you sound so comfortable with your decision. 💛
Wishing you all the best in your new relationship. 

Thank you😊

Hi @Rainbow_foxy! How are you today?

I hope that everything goes well with this person. Meeting other people and getting into relationships can be an exciting time, but it can also be daunting, especially if you've experienced trauma and trust being broken in the past. I am also the kind of person who struggles to get close to other people due to trauma and past experiences with people letting me down. I think it was brave of you to go into the relationship despite your anxiety.

How have your conversations been like with this person so far? For me, one of the things that I value in a friendship or relationship is mutuality and reciprocity, such as through taking turns to share information and doing things for each other.

The conversations have been amazing... it's my anxiety and overthinking and clinginess that is the issue now. Im trying to cut back on the spamming when they are busy but sometimes that doesn't work😓 like today they are busy and won't be able to talk until tonight. I was wondering if you guys could suggest things that will hope me with this problem. I know that it's a long shot but any help will be very much appreciated😊 I'm sorry that I've been MIA lately😅

It's great to hear the conversations with them have been good @Rainbow_foxy ❤️. Do you know what you are anxious/overthinking about? I totally agree with @MaryRO that processing your thoughts with a professional can do wonders in helping you understand where this is coming from and how you can deal with it. 

Also have you ever heard of attachment theory? It's about how different people connect differently with their partner. It's quite an interesting concept and it's something you can discuss with your counsellor if you want as well! 🙂

I've never heard of attachment theory. And I know what's making me anxious🥺😔

Hey @Rainbow_foxy 😊 Attachment theory says that there are 4 'attachment styles' that people can have. A person's attachment style is their way of relating to others in relationships. This includes the way we respond emotionally to others as well as our behaviors and interactions with them.

You don't have to follow this theory, but I've found that it's good to keep in mind that people might have different ways of handling relationships and relating to others than I do.

I've included a picture below of a summary of the four attachment styles. You can google "attachment styles" to find out more if you're interested 😊

Thank you for the help😊

Hey @Rainbow_foxyanxiety, overthinking and clinginess can be one hell of a trifecta in the sense that they can perpetuate themselves. It can be challenging to slow the mind down when it seems to run 100 miles an hour. It's hard with overthinking because trying to stop the thoughts generally doesn't help like trying to keep a balloon under water. It can take a lot of effort to do that and sometimes allowing the thoughts to come up and process them can help release the charge. However, it is the processing of the thoughts that helps release the grip. Is there someone you can confide in such as a counsellor who can help you navigate your thought process? I'm guessing the anxiety stems from the overthinking and creates a sense of unsafety, which then possibly leads into the clinginess. Patterns of thought and patterns of behaviour can be hard to break, particularly if trying to interrupt them on your own. It might be easy enough to do if you're not too far into this cycle, however you might find it difficult to exit this triangulation during an intense cycle. Are you engaged with a professional that can help you with this?

I was before the lockdown now I'm not sure. I know I need help professionally because I'm overthinking 24/7 now and it's making me struggle. I just don't want to lose this person because they mean the world to me..

Hey @Rainbow_foxy I'm really sorry to hear that your thoughts are a lot to handle right now. Thank you for sharing this with us.

Overthinking is really hard and is something that I used to struggle with. For me, talking to a professional helped a lot and I learned strategies to cope. Would you like support finding a profesional who can help?

I've got a professional I can talk to but at the moment it's on hold due to the COVID-19 lockdown rules🥲 but yesterday and today I've been doing a better job dealing with my overthinking, kinda😅

Hey @Rainbow_foxy 😊 I'm really glad that you're doing better over the past few days! Small progress is still progress.

I'm sorry that you haven't been about to see your professional due to lockdown.  Would telehealth be a possibility? If not, there are a couple of ways that you can talk to a therapist online if you like that?