Hey @Mint_Crane ,

So glad you found that question helpful. 🙂 Sometimes we get an idea in our heads without actually thinking it all the way through and questioning whether it's really true - learning to question my negative thoughts has been a big help for me.

Something which I find helpful when I'm worried about someone's reaction is to imagine the roles reversed - if a person I had been friendly with at uni or work suggested we get a drink sometime, how would I feel? A bit nervous probably, but flattered, and pleased about the opportunity to develop a friendship. Would I feel 'weirded out wondering why I thought we were friends'? If we had had friendly conversation a few times already, at most I might feel surprised, but why weirded out? A person I have been getting along with is showing interest in becoming friends, how nice.

Now, just because you or I feel a certain way doesn't mean everyone else would, but it probably means at least some other people would (I think this applies in most situations). It could take a few tries, sure, but you'll find those people who are open to new friendships.

You say you are worried about pushing boundaries too hard by asking someone to do something out of class, and I totally get that feeling. I really was terrified to do this during uni. I always worried that I wouldn't know how to keep the conversation going and it would be terribly awkward and they would never want to talk to me again because they discovered I was boring or something. If you really think about it though, for every pair or group of people who hang together, someone had to have been the first person to suggest hanging out outside of whatever context that they met. Sure, some people do this effortlessly, but I'm sure plenty of friendships started with people, like us, who had to push past their comfort zone, and were pleasantly surprised with the result.

In uni, I found it a lot easier to suggest to a group that we hang out - then there's more people to help conversation flow. I did manage to arrange a hangout with someone from work alone later on, and it went well! That experience has helped me feel more confident about connecting with people one on one in general.

I could go on and on about this stuff, because I really have struggled with it, and I still do to an extent, but I've learned so much and gained so much confidence through the years. You'll get there too! 💛

How to build relationships when you're feeling crappy about yourself and lonely?

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