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I need help moving on
I have a childhood best friend (Male, my age) who I have had a continuous crush on for 4 years. Let's call him Kyle. It's an on and off crush but it never goes away. I have this new friend (Female, 3 years older than me) and she's gorgeous. Let's call her Grace. She is really nice and likes all the same things I like. I had planned to go to the movies with her and I was very excited. She told me that she had invited Kyle. (I found out that they met recently.) I didn't object because I like him and thought maybe we could flirt a little. I chatted with Kyle a bit before-hand and then we met up with Grace. We went to the movies and I was enjoying myself so much.
About halfway through the film I looked over and saw that Grace and Kyle were holding hands. My stomach dropped to the underworld. I couldn't tell if I should be angry or jealous or sad. But I ignored it and we finished the movie. Afterwards we all slept at Grace's house and of course I was just third-wheeling the whole time. They were cuddling and playing with each others hair. Once we turned the lights off I couldn't sleep because I was so heartbroken. Of course I heard them move closer to each other and I am like 60% sure that they kissed. Less than a meter away from me they were doing that.
I don't really know how to feel, I'm not angry at Grace because it's not her fault she's so gorgeous. I get why Kyle would pick her over me. So I think I'm angry at him. He leads me on a lot when we are alone and I think he knows that. He takes advantage.
This whole situation is not helping with the feeling of thinking I'm hard to love. The last three situation/relationships have broken me.
Not to mention my other friend leaving me for his girlfriend. All of it piled on top is really damaging my self esteem and I don't know how to fix it apart from finding someone to like me and make me feel like I'm worthy of love.
Comments
that sounds really hard and I'm so sorry that this Kyle fella has been taking advantage of you, i can understand how this could easily make you feel, sad, angry and maybe a bit unwanted and humiliated. I hope you can get to the bottom of this with both Kyle and Grace, and find a way to feel better about this situation.
Hey @idkbro
From my experience, because you mentioned that he seems to lead you on, I reckon putting a closure to the situationship between you and your friend Kyle could be a suggestion. By "closure" I meant a heart to heart conversation with him, to tell him how you thought of him and how hurt you were when things happened. Because after all you went through as you told us the story, I think you deserve to express your pain toward Kyle and put an end to the anger that you are bearing. That would not necessarily ruin your friendship if he really listened and understood. However, if a confronting conversation is a thing that would make you uncomfortable, it's okay to disregard what I suggested, that was just how I moved on from many of my previous crushes: clear communication and end the misunderstanding.
And hey, above all, from a person who has never been in a serious relationship before with many heartbroken, I may say I understand your feeling of being "hard to love". But trust me, sometime we just need the right time and place to meet somebody that is right for us. I haven't found my person too, but I trust that they are out there and I deserve love, we all do. So in the meantime, please take care of yourself and try to focus on your journey. You are definitely worthy of love, and I think especially from yourself because you are the most important person in your life and someday, someone will embrace every aspect of you and you will feel loved.
Hey there again @idkbro
Moving on from a relationship is extrememly hard, especially when you have used a long duration of time to connect with the person you like. And it's going to take a long time to heal from being heartbroken.
Its good that you understand from the situation that Grace isn't the person that you are putting your frustrations on. Or that your relations with Grace could have ended or deteriorated.
While you now understand that Kyle is potentially and purposefully leading you on, it might be a good time to take a break from your friendship with Kyle. Especially knowing that he is affecting your mental health in way.
And remember, you deserved to be loved too. Just because of a person had let you down, doesn't mean that you are not deserving of being loved. Use these experiences as a way to help you to find other frineds or crush/potential signficant others.
Hey @idkbro ,
I can’t image how horrible that must have been seeing your crush get cosy with your friend 😔. I can definitely understand how this on top of everything else really reinforced that painful belief that you are unloveable. It can be so so hard to love yourself when you don’t feel loved by those around you. I sometimes feel unloveable myself, as it’s been a couple of years since finishing high school and no one has taken a romantic interest in me. So I can definitely understand how painful holding this belief is! What I found helpful for me is hanging around people I know that really care about me (eg: my family, my dog 😅, friends). It reminds me that are people and pets that love me outside of romantic love. Maybe spending time with those special people in your life may make you feel more loveable? I hope you find that love for yourself again idkbro as you are definitely worthy of it. 🥰