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I need some help…

Hi,

I’m new to this platform so I don’t really know what I’m doing but I need some help. I’ve had the same friendship group for 5 years. Everyone fit in really well and we all got along great. It took me a while to find out where I was going to fit in. You know? After 3 years of this friendship group existing, 3 new people joined and we loved them dearly. Since those 3 people came in, everything sort of fell apart. 

1 of those 3 people were really nice. The other 2… not so much. One of them ended up harassing me and a few of my friends. It got to the point where they were removed from the group because my partner and a few others decided to speak up about it. The other person (who I’ll call Clover), came in and started talking about people in the group behind their backs. This caused some major discomfort within the group, but I guess no one wanted to rock the boat because no one really spoke up about her. 

Anyways, there’s a study day for all of us and we’re all assigned to different places according to our classes. Once that day is over my partner and I meet up and whilst we’re driving home he tells me about something that my best friend (who I’ll call Bubbles), has said during that study day.

 

Long story short my best friend Bubbles and our new friend Clover got together and started talking about me behind my back. They started all sorts of rumours about me, and some of my friends and their behaviour was overall horrendous. At one point my best friend Bubbles started a rumour with our new friend Clover that I had been cheating on my partner. When he and I found out about this rumour we had an honest open discussion and decided something had to be done.

 

My best friend Bubbles then told Clover about a very private family matter. Which was information I had entrusted Bubbles with. They both threw me under the bus and told everyone they could about it and added more awful rumours on top of it. 

My partner and I went to our group and decided to tell them everything that had happened. There were also disgusted and it was revealed that everyone had heard little things about other people here and there. When my partner and I asked them all for advice on how to confront Bubbles and Clover no one said anything. They all shrugged it off and said not to worry about it and that no one wanted to start any further drama. They essentially told us that we were being an over dramatic couple. My partner and I have now left that group. Unlike me, my partner has plenty of friends and they connect with them all often. I have always struggled with making friends, and now that I’ve lost everyone from that group, I feel like I’ve lost everything. 

Sorry about all the whole narrative, but overall I’m wanting to know how I should process the situation, and how I can make some new friends as that’s something I am finding difficult.

E_D
E_DPosted 08-11-2023 12:27 AM

Comments

 
Rara
RaraPosted 09-11-2023 11:28 AM

Hi @E_D

 

I am sorry that has happened to you and you should be proud of how you handled the situation. That was brave of you, especially with everything that was going on. It is good to hear that you and your partner support and trust each other and are able to have open and honest discussions about what has happened. It's also good to hear that you left the group especially since the group was unsupported when you spoke up and treated poorly. 

 

It's unfortunate that you had to lose your friends in this situation and it is difficult making new friends and can be even harder after a situation if you don't know who you can trust. Losing friendships is hard, it is okay to take your time to process the situation and go through the emotions, sort of like grieving it. Writing it down might help you process what you are feeling and help with clarity on anything and talking to your partner could help.

 

With making friends have you spoken to your partner about this, they might be able to help include you more in his friendships to make connections with others and introduce you to new people. Another way is joining groups or clubs with shared interests or hobbies to talk to new people. This could even be in your classes, you can often find new people to talk to that way. When I was in school I often talk to different people in my classes and sat with them even when I had friends in the class. 

 

I hope this helps and keep us updated 

 

 
 
E_D
E_DPosted 23-11-2023 12:11 AM

Hi@Rara

Thanks for your advice. In regards to your point on writing stuff down, that's something I have done for many years now. I heard a lot about mental health journaling and honestly thought it was stupid at first, but it has gotten me through some dark times. So I'm continuing to do that as a way of processing everything that's happened. In regards to everything else that's upcoming, I'll keep you updated.

 
Bel_RO
Bel_ROPosted 08-11-2023 03:17 PM

Hey @E_D 

Welcome to the forums. You have been so courageous by reaching out for support and should be so proud of yourself!

 

I can see that you're having a tough time making new friends after being harassed and bullied. Harassment and bullying are never okay, and you do not deserve to be treated poorly, especially by a friend or best friend. It is amazing to hear that you and your partner spoke up about the harassment as it is so important to speak up for yourself. Being able to speak up when something is wrong shows how resilient and brave you are, as it is not an easy thing to do. I can also understand how difficult it was when your best friend and new friend started creating rumors about you and talking about you behind your back. As I said earlier, bullying is not okay, and you definitely don't deserve it. I can also hear how much it would have hurt you to find out that your best friend shared a personal and private story with someone else, as it is a betrayal of trust from someone you may have been vulnerable with. 

 

However, it is beautiful to see the connection and communication between you and your partner during this time. How supportive you were to one another shows such love and respect. I understand that making new friends can be hard, so I recommend reading this article here that provides 10 tips on how to make friends and meet new people. I'd like to know whether you have considered picking up a new hobby or putting more time into a current hobby? I'd also like to know how you're feeling? 

 

I look forward to hearing from you soon. 

 
 
E_D
E_DPosted 23-11-2023 12:08 AM

Hi@Bel_RO

Thank you for the article you sent. It has some good advice. Overall I'm still feeling a bit numb I suppose. I'm not feeling better or worse about it, in fact I don't know if I'm feeling anything about it at all. I have a formal graduation dinner coming up in just a weeks time and I'll have to see Bubbles and Clover for the first time since the incident as well as the old friend group. In all honesty it's making me reconsider the event in its entirety. My partner disagrees and wants to attend so I think we will, but I'm still having a bit of anxiety over it.

 
 
 
Shiv-RO
Shiv-ROPosted 23-11-2023 12:09 PM

Hi @E_D ,

 

Thanks for getting back to us to provide an update on how things are going.

 

Firstly, I would like to congratulate you on doing some amazing self-care! It is not easy to take a break from social media but it seems you had the wisdom to recognise that sometimes unplugging can actually improve wellbeing and reduce stress. It is also good to hear you regularly journal as a way of processing what’s going on, it sounds like you have some great wellbeing strategies. I wonder if there are also some things you could do to bring yourself joy during difficult times?

 

I hear you have a graduation dinner coming up. Graduating is an amazing achievement and you deserve the opportunity to celebrate that! However, I completely understand your anxiety about seeing Bubbles and Clover again and I am very sorry this situation is putting a dampener on what should be a joyful occasion. Have you spoken with your partner about how they might be able to support you if you do attend? Perhaps, you may like to check out this article on managing stress and anxiety to see if there are any useful tips.

 
 
 
 
E_D
E_DPosted 24-11-2023 12:10 AM

Hi@Shiv-RO

Thank you for the article you've sent. I found it a little helpful. Unfortunately my partner leaves early tomorrow morning for a family trip, and I won't be able to have an in person conversation on how to cope with seeing everyone again at our graduation dinner. If my partner has a minute I'm sure a FaceTime call could be organised once the plan lands. But I'm not even sure either of us would know where to start. 

 
Greenfern
GreenfernPosted 08-11-2023 01:27 PM

Hi @E_D ,  

 

Thanks for reaching out! I'm sorry to hear about what you've been going through, it sounds really rough. I'm glad your partner and you have supported each other throughout this experience, and stood together all the way even with all the rumours going around. It's also great to hear that you both have left that group. It genuinely seems that the group has become a toxic environment for you and your partner to be in, and that your other friends (not Clover or Bubbles) in the group don't value the both of you enough to support you, so leaving the group is definitely a good decision.

 

I think it's really unfortunate that things turned out this way, and that you were pretty much pushed into a corner and had to leave the group of friends. I can empathize with the feeling of having lost everything, but I think a helpful way to process the situation is recognizing that it's an inevitable outcome (not your fault, but the natural progression of others' behavior and choices) and attempt to also view the situation/loss as an opportunity to be around better people. Nonetheless, it might take some time to see the positive aspects of this outcome and it's okay to give yourself some space and time and not rush into making new friends.

 

About making new friends, have you talked to your partner about your struggles? I think you can consider talking to new people who share your hobbies and interests, such as people in clubs or societies that you may be a part of; meanwhile, your partner can also go the event and perhaps provide some moral support. Specifically, I wonder if it would help you if you and your partner go  to an event you're interested in together, and then separate; you try talking to new people, and if it gets overwhelming, then you can have the option of going back to your partner. I hope this helps and makes sense. Personally I'm pretty shy and also not really good at talking to new people/making new friends, but I've found that having someone I know well nearby feels reassuring. 

 

Hope this helps and makes sense :))

-Greenfern

 
 
E_D
E_DPosted 23-11-2023 12:04 AM

Hi@Greenfern

Thanks for your reply. I've had some time away from social media (hence the late response) but my situation hasn't exactly changed. I've had some time to process it all though. Which might have helped me a little? I can't really tell. But thank you for your advice.

 
 
 
Greenfern
GreenfernPosted 23-11-2023 07:40 PM

Hi @E_D , 

 

It's good to hear that you've taken some time away from social media and given yourself time to process things. 🙂 It can be hard to tell, but I think time tends to dampen the emotional impact; it won't feel as fresh and painful compared to before, possibly.

Welcome back!

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