Why don’t I want a relationship?
Hey guys,
I just wanted to hear what others had to say about what I’m experiencing. So basically, I’m almost 18, I’m a girl and I’ve never been in a relationship before. I’m also not certain of my sexuality but I don’t think it’s straight. Sometimes the fact I still haven’t had a relationship makes me a bit insecure, but honestly when I think about getting into a relationship I’m just filled with dread even though I don’t know what it’s like. And I’m sure the next thing to tell me is to experiment, but this has the same effect. I feel like I would be committing a crime if I did anything with anyone, like I would feel so guilty and like I shouldn’t be doing it? People sometimes talk about how great relationships are too, but I just don’t really want one. My family doesn’t really understand this either, my sister and mum usually make jokes. Why does the idea of a relationship scare me?
Thanks so much 🙂
Comments
Everyone has their own pace in terms of growing sexually and getting into relationships. Where you are right now is nothing you should be ashamed of and its totally normal. There is nothing wrong with not knowing your sexuality and not being in a relationship.
If I were to give you advice, maybe focus on building friendships and meeting new people instead of worrying about finding a relationship ( a bit hard cause of the quarantine), and if you find someone that you might like (or think you like), maybe consider flirting with them or making some advances so that you give yourself a chance for experiences. You could also try focusing on yourself and building self-confidence and character.
Hope this helps and encourages you somewhat!
Hey @CMC02!
Thank you for being so open and sharing with us how you're feeling.
I remember my friend having a really intense conversation with me when we were 18 years old saying that she thought she was asexual because she had never felt sexually attracted to anyone and had no interest in being involved in a romantic relationship. A few years later she did some travelling, opened herself up to new experiences, and started to become sexually attracted to people. Now she is in a long-term relationship with her male partner.
I guess I wanted to share this because even though by 18 years of age we are legally considered adults, we still have a lot of developing to do, and for some people this part of their identity comes later.
It's okay to feel exactly how you're feeling. It's okay for how you're feeling to change. And it's okay for how you're feeling to not change. You do you. 
Hi @CMC02!
I think it's perfectly normal that you haven't been in a relationship and don't feel like you need one. I have never wanted a relationship either and this has been difficult for my family to accept too.
Only you can find out what your sexuality is and whether your anxiety about relationships is related to that or something else. Is there anything that would help you find out more about yourself? It doesn't have to be something physical. I personally found writing about how I feel and exploring works of fiction with romantic themes to be really helpful in figuring out my identity and what I like.
I'm not sure if you'd find this helpful, but QLife has a service for people wanting to discuss sexuality-related issues.
Hi @CMC02
It might be worth noting that some people just don't want relationships, and there's nothing wrong with that.
A lot of asexual and aromantic people are perfectly happy with not being in a relationship.
So like.. it might just be that you genuinely don't want a relationship.
Hey @CMC02
That can be really tough when others are always questioning what you are doing and not accepting what you want and how you feel. If relationships aren't for you then that's totally cool, you know yourself and what is right for you, so keep trusting yourself! I know for me working out my sexuality and gender was an evolving process and there is not set timeline as we all continue to evolve every day, so just take what ever time you need and trust yourself
