breakup with ex in friend group part 2 (update)
Hey guys, its been a while since ive been on here and thought id do a bit of an update situation.
i am sleeping a bit better now and feeling miles better than when i first wrote the message.
There's a bit thats gone down since i've written the first message. My ex and i don't talk at all now, despite his initial sayings of he really wants to be friends. When attending small group hangouts, he'll stand there but not talk to me at all which i find quite strange and weird on his part. Due to this i feel uncomfortable, but i try to brush it off, trying to not let it affect me and just have fun with my other friends there. I've recently been told about some other mutual friends having quite long term crushes on him, and although i am sure that i do not like this man anymore, i feel quite strange and uncomfortable as it does explain why those friends are distancing themselves from me a bit! im not quite sure how to approach that situation.
my focus is still all over the place and i still have no motivation to get much done. anyone have any tips on how to get it back and some ideas about what to do about the friends distancing situation?
Comments
Hey! I'm glad to hear you're sleeping better and feeling a bit better overall. That's a good step forward.
Sorry to hear about the weirdness with your ex. It sucks when someone says they want to be friends but then acts all strange. It’s totally understandable that it makes you uncomfortable. It’s good that you’re trying to focus on having fun with your other friends, though. That’s the best way to handle it.
As for the friends distancing themselves because of crushes on your ex, that's a tricky one. It might help to have a casual chat with them. You don’t have to dive into the crush stuff directly, but maybe just check in and see how they're doing. Sometimes just reaching out can make things feel less awkward.
For motivation and focus, it can be tough, especially with everything going on. Maybe try setting small, manageable goals for yourself each day. Like, instead of thinking about everything you need to do, just pick one or two things to focus on. Also, take breaks and reward yourself for getting things done, even if they're small tasks. It can also help to mix things up a bit—maybe try a new study spot or use different methods to study or stay productive.
You're dealing with a lot, and it's okay to feel a bit all over the place. Just take it one step at a time and be kind to yourself. You’ve got this, and things will get better. 😊
Hi @greyskies , i'm so glad to hear that you're doing well and sleeping better!! Ugh this sounds like a really difficult situation and honestly, it sounds like you're doing an incredible job dealing with it. I think you should be really proud of yourself.
It's always challenging when your relationship with someone changes and this has a ripple effect on lots of other relationships. A couple of years ago I had a decade long very close friendship end abruptly and I found that suddenly social situations that i'd previously really enjoyed began to feel intensely uncomfortable instead. I remember feeling so frustrated by the fact that not only was I grieving the loss of a relationship but also had to deal with corresponding changes to other peripheral relationships as well. All of this is to say that I really feel for you at the moment.
I think it fantastic that you're still engaging in these situations and really trying to make the most of them with your other friends. I think that this is a really healthy and mature approach to a rough situation. It must be so hurtful to feel that some friends are distancing themselves from you now. If these are friendships that you really value, i'm wondering whether you could try facilitating a catchup or something and trying to have a bit more of an open chat about it all! These situations are often pretty uncomfortable for everyone involved, and I feel that sometime's people initiating distance is due to their desire not to get involved rather than any specific feelings toward you or your ex. Of course I don't know the specifics of your situation and I could be really off base, but those are just some thoughts!!
Also, I think it's really understandable that your focus and motivation would be off. Please hold some space for yourself to process and heal, these things take time. 💜
I think @KaizerBiker 's suggestion about shifting your focus toward other things and other relationships in your life which are separate from your ex sounds really great too!
Hey @greyskies
Sounds like you are having quite a rough time at the moment with your motivation as well as friends distancing away from you.
But very glad you have gotten better sleep as of late ☺️
In regards to your whole motivation situation, I feel you, I had a rather bad separation from a toxic friends and that ended up hitting up my motivation quite a bit
Personally, I came out of it by shifting my sight on my Uni work and hanging out with my friends that were not his mutuals.
And I gradually got back up again after a while (through these activities in addition to chatting with some of my closer friends about this matter, and some counselling from Uni or platforms like Kidsline & headspace)
In terms of friends distancing me, this was also the case for the friends that were mutuals with that toxic friend.
Personally, I was able to reconnect with some of them as they reached out to me and we agreed to just hang out and settle or put aside our differences
But for some of them, I sorta just left it as it was as we were not that close and just didn’t engage with them anymore.
So my takeaway would be to plan out some things to do (put up some obligation that you have to meet like assignments or social outings) to push you out a bit and communicate with the people that are willing to chat with you to settle or put aside the differences or talk through the awkwardness you guys have.
In any case, I hope this was of help and do reach out again if you need some help ☺️
Hey @greyskies , it's wonderful that you're feeling better now compared to your previous post!
It sounds like a pretty tough situation that's left you feeling demotivated and potentially a little isolated, but you sounds like a strong person who wants to make things better for yourself and get your energy back! I'm wondering what kinds of things you like to do during your me-time? When relationships with other people are a cause of stress, I think it can be great to focus back on the things you love doing with yourself.
As for the friends situation, ultimately we can't do too much about other people's feelings and their decisions, but we can take control of how we respond to them. You mentioned feeling strange and uncomfortable- would you like to tell me more about your thoughts and feelings regarding these friends, and what outcome you'd ideally like to see on the other end of this situation?
Hey @greyskies
I am so happy to hear of the improvement. As they say time heals. It sounds like you have a really strong grasp of your thoughts and feelings which is great to see. With him being still being bit weird in social circumstances maybe it is just taking him a bit longer to readjust to the new relationship dynamic.
I love to hear that you are relying more on your other friends who are their, that is exactly what friends are for.
The situation with some friends having crushes on him does throw a spanner in the works but as long as you know you are not interested in him anymore maybe you can seperate yourself from that situation and fcous on your own wellbeing.
For your motivation I would suggest taking it slow and steady. Setting small achievable goals and then building them into bigger ones as just coming out and saying I want to do (whatever it is) is more likely to lead to failure and decrease the your feelings of self efficacy and motivation for the next attempt to achieve a goal if that makes sense.
In regards to the friends thing there are so many ways to go about it. You can ask them some more questions for clarification on where they stand with him and you and then you can decide how you feel about them and communicate it back. Try and avoid ultimatums and try to be non-judgemental when listening to their point of view as well.
You are doing so well I am really proud of how you are handling this situation and seeking support that you need WOOHOO
