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How do I know if I'm trans??

So around three times now I've have long periods of gender questioning so far I know I'm gender fluid, but I also question my physical gender alot, for months now it's been bugging me and would love to have any responses from people who have had similar feelings like that.

(I am biologically male)

Genderthief
GenderthiefPosted 06-07-2022 06:13 PM
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autumn2742
autumn2742Posted 11-07-2022 05:06 PM

Hi @Genderthief ,

Thanks for reaching out. Questioning your gender can be a really confusing and scary time, but also an exciting one. As a trans-man who is now a couple of years into my transition, I still find myself going through periods of questioning my gender identity, whether or not I truely know myself, and whether or not I have made the right decision (in fact, I'm going through one of those periods right now!). The most important thing I have come to realise when questioning your gender is that you have to be patient. There is unfortunately no easy way to come to the conclusion that you are transgender - exploration of yourself takes time, and everyone's understanding of themselves shifts and changes over their lifetime. How I understand myself now may not be how I understand myself in the future, and that's okay. I think it's important to acknowledge that gender exploration is a gradual process, and to give yourself the space to explore and grow within yourself. Please try not to feel pressured to figure everything out straight away, or come out if you are not comfortable or ready. If possible, try to view these periods of questioning as an opportunity to learn more about yourself!

The other thing I think is really important in working out how you identify is giving yourself the space to experiment. It's great to hear that you're already experimenting with different pronouns and clothing options, and the fact that you are feeling more comfortable! I would keep experimenting if you feel safe enough/comfortable enough to do so, and if it is making you feel more comfortable, then you are probably heading in the right direction. I should clarify that liking non-conforming gender clothing or activities does not necessarily make you trans, so you need to see what seems to make sense to you and what makes you feel most at home within yourself. I would also recommend looking into the stories of other trans people and gender non-conforming people, and seeing if their experiences seem to relate to you. Again, if you find yourself not relating to their experiences, this does not necessarily mean that you are not transgender (for example, I don't relate to the common experience of having 'always known' my gender identity), but it can be a helpful way to try and find some clarity and make sense of your experiences. 

You mentioned that you don't feel comfortable talking to school counsellors, which is completely okay. If you would like to try out an online peer support service centered on queer experiences, Qlife can be particularly helpful! I would also recommend Kids Helpline. You mentioned that you find it hard to navigate - which part in particular? I would be happy to help walk you through it if you like (it can be a little confusing, ha ha)! Transhub also has a wide range of trans-related resources you can check out. Would you feel comfortable/safe seeking out a transgender-friendly mental health clinician?

Thank you again so much for reaching out and sharing your experience on the forums. You are not alone in your experience, and have already shown a lot of courage in sharing your experience, and in taking steps to explore your gender identity. 

 
 
autumn2742
autumn2742Posted 11-07-2022 05:07 PM

After posting this, I just realised how much I had written - I apologise for the essay!😅 I hope you found some of it helpful though 😄

 
Maddy-RO
Maddy-ROPosted 06-07-2022 07:16 PM

Heya @Genderthief ,

 

I noticed that you are a new user, so welcome to our community 🤗. I'm one of the staff members that moderate the forums - it's nice to e-meet you. I can imagine that it may be a confusing and stressful time for you. Thank you for raising this topic as I'm sure many community members can relate.

 

Questioning one's identity can be a confusing and stressful process for some. Sometimes, it can be helpful to talk these thoughts and feelings through with another adult or mental health professional. I'm wondering - is talking with a professional (whether it be a school counselor, or kids helpline, or someone at Headspace) something you've considered?

 

I'm sure many of our lovely community members that can relate to this will chime in and offer you some peer support soon.

 

❤️

 
 
Genderthief
GenderthiefPosted 08-07-2022 04:32 AM

Hi thanks so much for the reply, I've considered kids helpline but I can't navigate it 😅, and I don't trust school counselors since I'm not sure how anonymous they keep things, I'll be sure to look at headspace, thanks again for the reply.

Anonymous
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Genderthief
Super frequent scribe

 
 
 
Portia_RO
Portia_ROPosted 08-07-2022 02:50 PM

Hi @Genderthief , just wanted to chime in here and say that we're really glad that you found us and reached out for some support! 💞

 

It's really cool to hear that wearing feminine clothes and experimenting with using she/her pronouns has been a good experience for you. I identify as a queer person myself so I can definitely appreciate how important it can be to try out different things to see what fits for you. I always found that showing my true colours online felt a lot safer and more comfortable than jumping straight into the deep-end in my 'real life' - it was nice to have a space to explore who I am and get comfortable in my own skin before trying to explain it all to other people.

 

You mentioned that you don't feel that comfy going to see the school counsellor, which I totally understand. Is there anyone else in your life that knows what you're going through right now? Regardless, I hope you know that you're always welcome here and that there's plenty of other young people in our community that get it and are here to support you 🥰

 
 
 
 
Genderthief
GenderthiefPosted 09-07-2022 04:52 AM

Hi,

 

Theres a few people who I can talk to, I have a friend who I recently found out is trans and I may talk to them, I also have plenty of online who I've known for a long while and enough to closely trust them, a few of them are even going through the same thing and have already started to support me, I'm also going to try some websites that have professionals that may be able to help.

 
 
 
 
 
Walter-RO
Walter-ROPosted 09-07-2022 10:04 AM

Hey @Genderthief

 

Just wanted to say that its amazing to hear that you have some friends who are supporting you especially when they are going through something similar. We all need support especially when we are trying to figure things out. 


There is a great article here that you may be good to check out about another young person who was going through difficulties with their gender.


You are always welcome here. 🙂 

 
 
 
 
 
Genderthief
GenderthiefPosted 10-07-2022 05:03 AM

Heya, 

 

That article helped quite a bit and even made me have more understanding of what being trans is and the article was really interesting, thanks for helping

Anonymous
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