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lab

Advice please

Hi all,

My partner and I got into a massive fight over something that I thought was extremely trivial and I'm kind of doubting I'm right about the situation however others have said that I am so I want to get opinions from people that have a somewhat unbiased view.

 

So I planned to have my birthday party over the weekend. So a couple of weeks ago people, including my mum, asked if they could bring anything. For the most part I said no however I asked my mum if she could grab me a birthday cake and some sausages for the bbq. I forgot to tell my partner I'd organized this but I completely forgot about it.

 

So on Friday my partner asked what type of cake I wanted and I told her I'd already organized it. I told her my mum was getting it for me as we are a little tight on cash right now I thought it would be one less thing we'd have to buy.

 

At this point she was extremely pissed off threatening to call and abuse my mum for taking her thunder and bringing a cake.

She then put on facebook that "I don't know why I bother" and Feeling angry. Friends of hers were naturally asking what happened so I commented and said I organized for my mum to grab me my birthday cake.

 

She then replies with she doesn't like people mowing the lawns. Also says that the issue isn't with my mum.

A couple of her friends including my mother in law rally behind her saying that she shouldn't let the mother in law boss her around etc etc... At this point I'm pissed off at the disrespect she's shown towards my mum who did nothing but comply with my request.

 

I mean she was organizing so much I was just trying t help out.

 

So my question is does she have a right to be upset at my mum for bringing the cake?

Secondly is this really such a big deal for you girls?

Re: Advice please

Hi Lab and welcome to Reachout


I'm not saying who is and who isn't right or wrong in your conflict because there is always two sides to every story. Try talking to your partner about her concerns and try to see it her way.  Then explain that you were only trying to help out with only good intention. 

Argument, big and small, are a normal part of any healthy relationship and should be worked through together.

Here is a fact sheet that could help
http://au.reachout.com/Conflict-in-relationships

hope see you around the forums 

JJR

Re: Advice please

Hey @lab 

 

I think a small issue can turn into a huge issue fairly quickly and sometimes we get blinded by our anger or annoyance that we dismiss what our partner thinks and that's common. I cannot speak for your partner and sometimes there is no wrong or right there is just some miscommunication there. 

 

Have you spoken to her about how you feel about the situation and told her that you were just trying to lighten the load for her. I can completely understand that you may have felt disrespected because your mum did nothing but speak to her and see what is lying underneath it all sometimes there can be something hidden or underneath it all. 

 

Here are some tips for communication Smiley Happy might help when you sit down and talk with her 

 

It's not a big deal for all girls, I think it depends on who you are, for me if I wanted to do something special for my partner and his mum did something I wanted to do, I would be a bit disappointed but obviously get over it but  I think try and listen to her point of view with an open mind and make her feel better about the situation. 

 

I hope this helps somehow Smiley Happy 

 

Take care 

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Re: Advice please

Hi lab, 

 

I would say that you should talk it out with your partner. 

Like other posters here, I cannot speak for your partner. With the sudden escalation of the situation, it can be difficult to discern her point of view (or other people's) when you may still be trying to figure out what happened. I believe that clear, open communication would have played key role here. Forgetting to tell her that your mother was bringing the cake and only having her know at late notice may have upset her.

 

Hope this helps

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