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After abuse

Hi So many years of abuse I am having therapy but I find its doing my head re living it over and over fear that I had for so long seams to hold  me even after I separated. Was told to work on triggers, how do you get it out of your head when I am steel so scared ,that he will come one day and make me pay fore exposing his little secret. Any ideas how to learn not to be scared

Re: After abuse

Hi @greer,

Welcome to Reachout. Smiley Happy

Congratulations on the therapy work you're doing to help you put the abuse behind you. And thank you for sharing here. I'm sure there are others here on Reachout who may have similar experiences they can share.

It's understandable that you're still dealing with fear, after what you've been through. I am assuming that you're now living somewhere secure? If it's more a feeling of fear you're trying to cope with, some of the tips in the Reachout page on tackling anxiety might help - like deep breathing and relaxation techniques like meditation. That might sound odd, but basically you can learn how to tell your brain "hey, chill out, we're not actually in danger and I want you to calm down!". Smiley Happy

Fact sheet on controlling anxiety.

Here's a fact sheet on some techniques to try when your brain starts going into fear mode:

Challenging negative thinking


I guess the other thing I wanted to say is - you're on the path to recovery, which is amazing - you're so strong to have gotten yourself to this point! I hope you'll stay in touch and keep us updated on how you're travelling.


Good luck!



Re: After abuse

Hey @greer 


It sounds like you are going through so much right now and I can't even imagine how difficult it is re-living the pain you went through. You are so strong for going to therapy and for coming on here and looking for other ways to help yourself.


I have not gone through what you are going through myself but I think you are very brave for taking yourself out of the situation and in any kind of fear, I think it takes time and strength to get over.


I wonder, are you able to share with your therapist how you are feeling and that you are still feeling scared? 


**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**

Re: After abuse

Hi @greer 

Good on you for getting help! I can only imagine how painful it must be to relive the experience over and over but I suppose things so traumatic may take a while to deal with.. but the good news is you have started your journey, you are one step closer to healing!

You could talk to your therapist about your fears of this person returning, they could give you some advice on how to deal with your anxiety or even practical advice of who to call if you think there is a possibility they will return.

You are so strong and have made it so far, Im proud of you @greer !

Let us know how you are getting on

Re: After abuse

Hey @greer 


Reliving what you have been through over and over again must be extremely difficult, so I really admire your strength of having gotten this far! 


I'm no therapist, but I assume that getting you to relive your experiences is your therapists way of trying to get you through your fear, like some sort of exposure therapy. I can't really offer you any advice in this area, except to keep seeing a therapist, because that professional help is getting you on the road to recovery! And maybe talking to your therapist about the specific issues you are having and asking them why they are telling you to do the things they are telling you to do may help you understand where they are coming from, and also might persuade the therpaist that you might need to take some smaller steps at the moment in therapy, to help you get through it. 


As for life outside of therapy, I was wondering what your support network is? It may be reassuring for you to stay over at someone's house rather than spend time alone, because of your fear of him coming back to find you. If you are with others you always feel more protected, don't you think?


Also, I thought you might like to take a look at this factsheet on trauma, because it has some great tips on how to cope with surviving after a trauma.


I really hope this helps! Stay strong!