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Am I overreacting?

About 6 months ago I started a relationship with a friend of 10 years. We were both separated with kids in the past year. We used to have feeling for each other many years ago but I wasn't ready to settle down at the time so we went our separate ways but stayed friends.

I surprising discovered I had very strong feelings for him which we're reciprocated and we started a relationship.

Several months ago he booked a holiday away with 2 of his kids. I was totally fine with this but found out a few months later that his ex booked herself on the same trip with their third child without his permission. She does not want me in his life and plays lots of games to control him.

I was not happy and said if he goes with her I'm leaving. So after some tense times he tells her he is not going and she can go with someone else and pay him out. Things were great again.

She then says her friends can afford to pay for the ticket. Which I think is a lie. He decides that he does not trust her alone with the kids as she drinks a lot and he does not want them to miss out on a holiday so he decides to go knowing it risks our relationship.

They are staying in the same hotel room as well. I want a future with this man and love him completely but I can not deal with this. I can't sit at home while they play happy families for 2 weeks. I feel like he let her win and as much as he wants to be with me too he has chosen to go. He says its for the kids but I think this is more confusing for the kids when both parents have new partners too.

Am I being stupid for ending a relationship over this? I feel sick and I'm miserable. I feel worse than when my marriage ended as I still love this man and he is my best friend.

Re: Am I overreacting?

My first reaction is to say, most definitely. There is no reason I can see for you to leave this man, unless he actually told you he was in love with his ex, and that he was going to get back together with her.


It would be tough to be in your position, and I have to take your word for it, that his ex is a nasty person who is playing mental and emotional games, for whatever end. And maybe, you are quite happy to leave your ex behind too. But what you have to realise is that she is the mother of his children, and she always will be. The kids are better off if their parents can get along, even if it means he has to put up with her games. If it turns nasty, and you make him choose between you and her, I'm afraid you may not like the choice he makes.


You should never give people absolutes to deal with. Life is not black and white, there is a lot of grey. If you want to be with this man, then support him. Gain his trust. Maybe then, he might reveal how he feels about the whole situation. But telling him that he has to choose his family over something even more complicated would be an easy decision for me. I would hope that the person that insists they love me, understand what I was going through, instead of what they wanted for themselves.

Re: Am I overreacting?

I agree with Tesla-Weapon here. I also believe that breaking up with him over this is an overreaction, especially because it sounds like you otherwise wouldn't be considering it.

I don't have much to say because I think Tesla-Weapon has already said things pretty greatly.
I just wonder if you've thought of what you'd do if it was the other way around? Would you not choose your children?