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Anger problems.

I have anger problems. As much as I internally try to shove them aside, I have them and they are bad. Stress comes out in anger, and then dissolves into tears. But not after some destruction and it needs to stop. I can't keep hitting, kicking or throwing things around anymore because I am going to seriously hurt my already broken body.

Things that make me angry:
1. My brother. He is a whole year and some months younger than me and the cause of a lot of strife. If he is being rude, not answering me, or I can hear his keyboard or music or show or even his stupid voice when his friend is over, then I get pissed off at him.
2. Little things. Example, I just got a bit angry because my earphone pulled a bit out. I'm getting angry, well I AM angry now because I can't get comfortable. Those kind of little things.
3. Stress/Overwhelmed. When things are overwhelming or stress is piling up I get angry. Just a general angry. And then when things aren't going my way I get pissed.
4. When people ask me questions. It's more just my parents, I don't like it when they question me and what or how I'm doing something. It makes me feel like I'm doing it wrong.
5. Sounds. Loud or thumping or revving cars and bikes. The sounds just go straight through me, and it sucks and hurts my ears and rven my head sometimes. Then I get mad at the inconsiderate bastards who are driving like loons at 1am or playing stupid loud techno like music late at night.
6. Closeness. I do not like touching. And sometimes I get annoyed when people disrespect that fact. No, I don't care that we're related. Do not hug me. And on trains, I'm sorry but two adults can't comfortably sit next to each other. They cannot. And sometimes they smell off, to me at least, and the closeness is just to much to handle and I get angry.
7. Our puppy. I feel bad about this one but it's true. He jumps A LOT and pushes when he does and it's so annoying. He licks and all he cares about is food and it drives me crazy and I hate that I feel this way because it's not his fault, it's him and he's basically a toddler.

EDIT: I'm adding an 8th, some uni classes. Mainly theology units. All the stuff they talk about just does not sit well with me and it's making me really angry inside. 

I really only get angry at home. I am super proud of myself that I can say I never lost my temper in Switzerland. Not badly anyway. I never threw anything around my room or anything bad like that.

What I do:
1. Throw, punch or kick things (including air, but that's mainly with kicking)
2. Scream, shout and/or swear. I try to avoid the last one though, I'm not much of an swearer, most of the time at least. When I use real swear words, it's pretty bad.
3. Clench. This one is like clenching fists, gripping myseld tightly, holding my head with my face in my hands or like I'm going to tear out my hair.
4. Cry. I feel stupid and guilty because I'm an idiot for getting so angry in the first place and I cry because it makes me sad.

I don't know what I'm getting out of this, but at least it's out.

Re: Anger problems.

How are you going @N1ghtW1ng?

 

I too have been trying really hard to control my anger. The way I do things is try 1) Try to see things from other's perspective. Eg If a customer comes in and is super rude. I try to hold it in and tell myself maybe he/she is having a bad day or maybe their upbringing is different to mine. 2) Sometimes Ill just tell myself to stop thinking about it. Eg if someone cuts infront of me. Instead of fuming for the next 10-20mins which would do no good for anyone. Just stop thinking about it and let it go.

 

Take care @N1ghtW1ng

Re: Anger problems.

Hi @N1ghtW1ng :-)

 

Thanks for sharing that. It sounds like this is something that is really bothering you at the moment. Personally, I don't have any experience with this kind of thing, but I had a look at what I could find online. I found some good articles you may want to look at if you have the time. I'll copy the links below. I'm not sure which state you live in, but there were plenty of courses one could do in Melbourne that came up when I was 'googling' it. I'm sure you could find some near you if you were interested.

 

Hope this helps!

 

https://www.headspace.com/blog/2014/11/14/how-do-i-deal-with-repressed-anger/

 

http://www.psychology.org.au/publications/tip_sheets/anger/

 

http://au.reachout.com/anger-management

 

 

Re: Anger problems.

Hey @N1ghtW1ng

I'm wondering, do you have anything or anywhere that you can go to get away from people for a bit? I don't mean somewhere you can go when you're already feeling angry or starting to, but some place you can go like once a week to just be completely away from anything that might be likely to annoy you. Some place you can do whatever you want to do.

Like maybe your house might have a garage that no one really uses and where you can't hear your brother and his friends from that you could deck out for yourself. Or if there's a park or anything that isn't hard for you to get to that generally isn't populated.
One of my friends often goes out into the country and national parks on her own. Wandering around, taking pictures, just sort of being around nature instead of people and if she hasn't been able to have that time for a bit she gets quite edgy.


Or if you're not already doing something a physical outlet for any pent up energy could be good. Running, jogging, and walking are always around, or something like a martial art could work nicely. Since they're calming, with the martial arts they focus on control and anger, can enable a sense of control or power, and they can be a release.

Re: Anger problems.

@N1ghtW1ng sounds like you've been thinking a lot about this - that's an awesome and comprehensive list. Sometimes, pretending like we're not angry or trying to ignore the feelings can only make them worse. It sounds like you want to change the way you've been coping, which is a really awesome place to start.

 

I second what @Birdeye said - exercise can be super helpful in releasing tension. For personally, it helps to reduce that 'on-edge' feeling in a more productive and self caring way. Even doing star jumps on the spot, or tensing and relaxing muscles in your arms/legs can help to reduce the pent up angry feelings. Removing yourself from the situation is also totally okay if it's getting too much. Are these strategies that you could try next time you feel angry?

Re: Anger problems.

Sorry it's taken me forever to reply. I did read and think about your responses. Smiley Happy

@witheverylight Sometimes I do look at other persectives, but it doesn't really apply with things I get angry at, it's usually after I am angry and it's too late. I might try to not think about it, I might force myself to watch a movie or an episode or two of something.

Thanks @JanaG. The headspace link was a bit confusing, but thank you for the others Smiley Happy

@Birdeye there isn't really anywhere I can go to get away, aside from my room. Admittedly, I already do a martial arts. It's one night a week. The biggest thing is, I CAN calm myself down. I know I can, but I don't, I try a bit and give up because it's easier to be mad than to calm down.

@khaleesi_18 I guess I can try to do some physical things but like I said above, it's easier for me to do nothing and stew ghan to try and stop.

Strategies that I can do are:
1. Watch a movie/episode to distract myself.
2. Go for a run (if it's day time)
3. Physical activity; push ups, star jumps, etc.
4. Tai Chi (this is one of the things I can do to calm down but don't)

Re: Anger problems.

No worries, I hope they were useful. :-)

Re: Anger problems.

@N1ghtW1ng have you had a chance to give some of these strategies a go?

Re: Anger problems.

@khaleesi_18 not really, no. A few times I've been angry would be this morning after loosing the train card, but I had to catch the train very shortly so there was no opportunity there. Plus a few other minor things but some, like contacts are fought through perserveerance (silly word Smiley Tongue)
The good news here is that I haven't needed to use any strategies.

Re: Anger problems.

@N1ghtW1ng sounds like a frustrating morning! You mentioned not needing to use any strategies today - I'm wondering what you meant by that, and what (if anything) made it easier to deal with the feelings this morning?

 

I hear from your posts that you would like to do something about these angry feelings? Is that right, or am I on the wrong track here?