Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Avoiding relapse and sober shyness

A drug has been a vice for a long time, I started when I was 14 and was a heavy user by 15. I've had issues with other substances as well. I fall into daily use with them all. I'm clean of everything at the moment but I think I want to stop entirely, because my use always spirals out of control. 

I have had periods where I quit but I always end up back on the wagon. 


I think one problem is my friends encourage me to get back on (probably because I'm more shy sober). 


How can I go about getting them on my side with recovery or if not, how do I work on not letting them get to me? 

Ultimately it's my choice, but it is something I struggle with and I feel very shy going out with people sober. 

Re: Avoiding relapse and sober shyness

Hi @Captain-K 


Welcome to ReachOut Heart Thank you for coming here to share your experience with substance misuse. Addiction is an incredibly difficult thing to go through and it's so brave that you are addressing it. 


I want to congratulate you on being clean at the moment!


high five GIF


I also want to give you a huge virtual pat on the back for being proactive in trying to avoid a relapse. It shows how important it is for you to recover and that is a huge part of quitting for good. 


Know that you are not alone - lots of people experience addiction and many of those people do it because they are shy sober. Part of healing and recovery from drug addiction is accepting yourself for who you are and finding friends that support your growth Heart 


There are some resources about addiction on our website here. You can also use counsellingonline to have a free and confidential chat about staying sober. There's is even more information here about the kind of help available to you in your state. 


I also just wanted to give you a heads up that I needed to edit your post as some of the content went against our community guidelines. Have a read of them here when you have some time Smiley Happy 

Re: Avoiding relapse and sober shyness

Hi @Captain-K,


I'm proud of you for staying sober despite the pressure that other people are putting on you. First of all, there is nothing wrong with being shy. 


I'm wondering if you would like to change your shyness in some way, or are you okay with being shy? If you're okay with being shy but it's other people who are trying to tell you it's not okay, then that might be their problem instead of yours. If you'd like to change your shyness, there are lots of ways you can become more confident when speaking with people without needing to use a substance. It might be a good idea to find a professional (like a doctor or psychologist) who might be able to help you with feeling more confident, as well as helping you stay sober. Let me know what you think Smiley Happy

“Your now is not your forever."
― John Green, Turtles All the Way Down

Re: Avoiding relapse and sober shyness

Welcome to Reachout @Captain-K !


It's great that you're taking initiative in trying to avoid relapse and staying clean! Smiley Very Happy Like @Bre-RO said, it is a difficult situation to be in and we're all glad that you have the courage to share your experience and seek support.


You mentioned that you think one of the problems you face is that your friends are encouraging you to get back on — do you think they are pressuring you to do so? You may want to look at this article on peer pressure and how to deal with it. Having friends that support your decisions is also important to your recovery, so if you are able to, you may want to try and help convince them to stay clean too! Here is another article that you can look over too.


Let us know what you think when you have time! Smiley Tongue

Re: Avoiding relapse and sober shyness

Thanks for the heads up, I gave the rules a read but I can see why you'd have to change that haha. Thanks for the kind words guys, you all had some good suggestions. It is a bit of peer pressure. I used to see a psychologist a couple years back but I was sober at the time so I don't think the topic of addiction came up. I think I'm more inclined to seek help when I'm sober but maybe I can get ahead of it if I can discuss strategies for dealing with addiction pre-emptively. And perhaps I'm looking at shyness the wrong way, I've always seen it as a negative part of my character, but maybe it doesn't have to be. 

Re: Avoiding relapse and sober shyness

Hi @Captain-K ,


Thanks for sharing; it's very brave to open out on this.  Shyness is not a character flaw; it can be a lovely trait Heart

Re: Avoiding relapse and sober shyness

Hi @Captain-K, I think proactively looking after your mental health is hugely important, and it sounds like you're really empowered to make the decision to look after yourself first and foremost. I would say that I am an introverted extravert (if that makes sense?). Something that helped me to celebrate my introversion is this podcast It talks about how introversion can be a superpower, and that shy people should be celebrated. Maybe you'll find it useful? You can click play on the podcast in the upper left hand corner of the screen, but you could also listen on a podcast app (it's a great podcast on psychology, but I'm super nerdy about that stuff so don't feel you have to listen haha). 

“Your now is not your forever."
― John Green, Turtles All the Way Down

Re: Avoiding relapse and sober shyness

Hi @Captain-K! Welcome to the forums!

I agree with the others on this thread. I am also an introverted person and I used to get a lot of pressure put on me to change how I am, when it can be almost impossible to change a personality trait. But there are also a lot of benefits of introversion. I feel as though it has made me more empathetic and a better listener, which in turn has helped me support other people. It has also helped me to reflect on my thoughts, emotions and thinking.

I think it's really brave of you to share your story with us and want to change your drug use. It can be really hard to stop using, but wanting to change your habits is a huge first step.
I think the resources in this thread are great. Another tool that you can use is Working it Out with YoDAA. It can give you an insight into your drug and alcohol habits and provide suggestions about support. Beyond Blue also has a useful resource about how to minimise the risks of drug use and moderating your use.
It is better to slowly cut down with the help of a professional as going cold turkey can be dangerous.

Re: Avoiding relapse and sober shyness

Hey there @Captain-K, how have you been? Please do let us know what you've been up to recently! Smiley Very Happy

Re: Avoiding relapse and sober shyness

@MisoBear Thanks for the link, I really liked the podcast and it was relevant for me. It made me feel better about my own disposition. I feel so much more at ease in one on one situations as opposed to group situations too. Something I've been doing in the past weeks is just making sure I see all of my friends one on one and just give them an update on things. It's been really great just putting the focus back on hanging out, rather than the next party we're going to and how messed up we're going to get. Thanks for the recommendation Smiley Happy