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Awkward situation help :/

So... I've got a wheelchair now.


I've honestly needed one for a while.. my parents are sure that if I used one occasionally it'd be worse than me being in huge amount of pain every time I leave the house and for three days after but this isn't about that.


The wheelchair I have is a transport chair, in other words I can't use it without someone pushing me.

My anxiety means that I can't deal with people standing directly behind me.

Due to some s*** experiences, I can get really upset when I don't have control of what's happening to me.

And a combination of both these things plus my autism means that I struggle to communicate my needs and wants especially when I'm already uncomfortable.


Obviously it would have made sense for me to get a wheelchair I could use independently.

But I didn't get that wheelchair I... sorta inherited it?

There was this lady who'd just lost her mum, and she noticed my cane and that I was really sore. She just kinda went "do you need a wheelchair I've got one l can drop it off tomorrow"

And she was talking about how happy her mum would've been to see the wheelchair going to someone who would use it. 

But... It's actually gone to someone who can't use it.

By the time I realised this it was way too late to be like '"your dead mother's wheelchair isn't what I wanted take it back" (too late being the moment she started speaking really)


So.... what do I do? Like, any ideas? Because I am sleep deprived and in pain and just generally in the wrong state to be navigating complex social and/ or ethical situations.

But also I really need a wheelchair that I can use....


Re: Awkward situation help :/

Hey @Tiny_leaf ,


So sorry to read about the situation with the wheelchair.  It's very sensitive and empathetic of you to consider the lady's feeling regarding returning the wheelchair Heart.  Regarding a more suitable wheelchair, it may be something you need to discuss with your GP, local hospital, or local community health centre.  Have you tried this as yet? 


I hope you can get some rest tonight Heart




Re: Awkward situation help :/

@TOM-RO I'm not going to return the wheelchair because she was mostly just glad it found a home.. but I still have a useless wheelchair and nothing to do with it.


My GP and assorted health professionals are a bit of a nightmare.

People seem to think that the mobility aid is the disability. Like the amount of effort it took me to get a cane when I could barely leave the house was unreal.

They just act like when I ask for a mobility aid I'm asking to be.. more disabled or something rather than trying to manage the disability that I kinda have whether they like it or not.

The amount of emotional labor it takes to get my doctors to do anything other than tell me to exercise takes up more energy than I have available.


I know what kind of wheelchair I need. But getting one means figuring out what to do with my current one in a respectful way, finding a place with the kind that I need at a reasonable price (my cane cost $60. I need a reasonable quality wheelchair. It won't be cheap.) convince my parents that not hobbling around in pain all the time might not be the best thing for me, convince them that the pain is a sign of things getting worse rather than the wheelchair. 

Rn I'm struggling just to brush my hair so idk how I'm going to figure that out...


(my frustration is at the situation by the way, not at you)


Re: Awkward situation help :/

Hey @Tiny_leaf 


That sounds really frustrating for you Heart


Could you potentially ask your parents to sell the wheelchair to someone, like online? Or even do that yourself? You could also potentially donate it somewhere? 


Re: Awkward situation help :/

@Maddy-RO yeah I think I'll have to do that...


I'm at least lucky in that one of my support workers is also disabled, so they kind of 'get it' more than my parents so they've offered to help me figure out the getting a suitable wheelchair part..


Re: Awkward situation help :/

Ah I can see why this is a tricky situation for you @Tiny_leaf. It shows how considerate you are, not wanting to return the wheelchair. In saying that your needs are really important and hope you're able to have them met without feeling bad Heart 


It's awesome to hear you have a support worker who gets it. How long have you been seeing them? 


Re: Awkward situation help :/

@Bre-RO sorry about how long my response took, brain's been everywhere lately...


No progress on the wheelchair but I'm going to start hydrotherapy soon so hopefully that'll help.


I have got no idea how long it's been because I'm bad with time...

They're very nice though.


Re: Awkward situation help :/

Hi @Tiny_leaf,


Have you done hydrotherapy before? If so, did you find it helpful?

I've heard some really good things about hydrotherapy for movement- we will be keeping of fingers crossed that this is something helpful too Heart


Check out our community activities calendar here

Re: Awkward situation help :/

@Tiny_leaf   I hope the hydrotherapy helps! It has helped my sister a lot with her rehabilitation. She can move better in the water than she can on land.


Re: Awkward situation help :/

@Jess1-RO @WheresMySquishy 


Quick update - it's going well so far.

If I end up in too much pain the therapists encourage me to stop rather than try to make me keep going, which is so helpful and not like my prior physio.

I think it'll work well for me.