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Being dragged down by depression and anxiety..

Recently my life felt like it got so much harder. Ever since the depression set in and the anxiety rose. It makes it hard for me to do simple tasks that I used to do with ease. I always feel down and like there's nothing for me, and I've been told to get help, but I just couldn't.. So here I am now, messaging you guys, hoping for that help I've been told to get by people around me.
But a little bit more about what's going on. At the start of the year my Grandpa was diagnosed with Bladder cancer and is now having chemotherapy treatments once a week, but these treatments aren't doing anything except making it worse and that scares me, because I don't want to lose my grandpa, not now, not ever. My Nan has also been diagnosed with a life threatening disease, Calciphylaxis, which is killing her more and more everyday.. When you have Calciphylaxis wounds and breaks you have will never heal. And this is even worse because she just broke her leg a couple weeks ago. And it will now never heal and she will be wheelchair bound for the rest of her life if she makes it that long..
But that's just a little bit about what's going wrong with my family but with me, this year I've started year 12, and anyone who's done year 12 knows how hard it is. And I've been copping it bad.. It stresses me out so much, and then when I come home and I'm all stressed, my parents and family are always on my back to do this and do that, and I snap.. Then I get in even more trouble. But my parents never went through year 12 so they don't know what it's like. Everything makes me feel worthless, like I'm nothing. And with my depression it makes everything so much harder. I've been dealing with the loss of my best friend for 13 years now and that's always been hard for me. And whenever I seem to get close to anyone or get friends they leave me because I'm not good enough for them, or because they see under the layers I portray of the happy person I am really not. It makes me feel horrible when people don't like me or don't want to be my friend again because of what my brain thinks or what I feel.
My relationship with my parents has always been very rocky. When I was born my mum almost died along with me, but because we survived, everyday she reminds me of that and blames me for all her problems.. She was a teen mum who smoked all through the pregnancy, so there was expected dramas. She makes me feel so guilty and horrible, that I don't want to be here. She makes me feel like nothing. My parents are always pressuring me to do better. Even if I'm doing the best I can, they expect more. When I brought home my report card which consisted of A's and B's they weren't happy and I was yelled at and made feel like complete crap. When I won the award for most improved maths at school I was told it wasn't good enough, because it was only the most improved and not the best.. I try my hardest to please everyone else, even though it never works, that I push my own needs and feelings to the side.. And I don't know how to do anything else, so that's why I am here now, asking for some help.
And also because I promised my friend I would.
And sorry about the rant, but he told me to rant it all to you because you can help me, I mean that's what you're for right?
Thank you..

Re: Being dragged down by depression and anxiety..

Hey @LostGirl27 and well done for sharing your story on Reachout, it takes a lot of guts to do that.

 

Sorry to hear about your Grandparents, it sounds like they are going through a terrible patch at the moment which in turn is impacting how you are feeling. You've also dealt with some loss and a tough home life too which can be difficult. With Year 12 pressures, you have quite a bit going on in your life, but you've come to the right place.

 

Whilst we aren't professional counsellors we can certainly help lead you the right way to get the help you need, the first thing you can do is use the Reachout Next Step tool to find the best services to help you. Give that a go and let us know how you go to start?

Re: Being dragged down by depression and anxiety..

Hey @LostGirl27, sounds like you have a great friend there so good on you for following through and reaching out for help here. You are right - we are here to help. There are many other people your age here who are going through similar things or have been through it.

They will tell you that you've bravely taken your step towards help. There is lots on ReachOut about depression and anxiety - have you checked out our content pages? We also have apps like Breathe and WorryTime that might help - but as Zekk said, a great place to start is the NextStep tool...

Have a go of it and let us know how it went...
Cheers

Online Community Manager

ReachOut.com

Re: Being dragged down by depression and anxiety..

 

Hi @LostGirl27

I too had a difficult home life when going through year 12 and I felt like I was under a mountain of pressure with no support and it took a lot of effort to keep myself afloat.

 

I think that surrounding yourself with people who support you and who make you happy really helps your mental health, it sounds like your friend who encouraged you to post here has your health in mind and is trying to help. Having someone to talk to when you are struggling and need help is important and as well as friends this forum is a great place to get that help.

I am sorry about your grandparents, it sounds like you have a really close relationship with them, that is something to be treasured. Being confronted with the possibility that you might loose someone you love is heartbreaking. There are many resources and stories on this site to do with grief that I think would help you.

 

When you have depression and anxiety you often tell yourself things that aren't necessarily true and it can develop into a cycle. For example I once told myself my friend didn't like me when they said they couldn't hang out I kept thinking that thought over and over until I believed I was never going to have any friends when they said in reality they were just busy with schoolwork. Try to not assume what your friends might be thinking of you and challenge yourself to examine what they have actually said.

Congratulations on your report card! I wish I had done so well in year 12. To have done so well despite what you are going through is incredible! Just look at how resilient you are.

 

I am sorry you are not receiving the encouragement and support you need from your parents in such a demanding and stressful time of your life, I too was pushed and pushed to do better and it is extremely unfair but in retrospect I felt that my parents only wished the best for me. As difficult as it may be I feel that letting go of their expectations of you and focusing on your goals alone  will alleviate a lot of stress and anxiety.

 

In year 12 with school requiring so much of your time it is often hard to continue with hobbies and interests that make you happy but it is still important to have 'you time'. Whether it is making a meal you like, treating yourself (candle baths, playing Xbox)or taking time out with a good book spending time looking after yourself is imperative for your wellbeing, - you deserve it. 

 

In year 12 since home life is stressful and school life is stressful try to create a time in the day to seperate the two and recharge your batteries. For eg. Rather than going straight home after school and being bombarded with negativity I would instead go for a long walk, grab a bite to eat, write in my diary or read a book I liked. Doing this meant I could chill out and to be honest it was the only part of the day I enjoyed when I was in year 12.

 

I hope this helps, please let us know how you are going 

 

 

Re: Being dragged down by depression and anxiety..

Hey @LostGirl27, thanks for sharing your story. You really do have a great friend who has supported you to reach out and we appreciate you telling us how you're doing at the moment. It's hard to open up and when you have tried to be so strong for others for so long it must feel like a welcome change to get some support for you.

 

Year 12 can be super hard and feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Managing your expectations, your teachers', your parents', and even your peers', it is easy to feel overwhelmed but it is important to balance time for your wellbeing amongst your study time. I'd like to assure you that the weight of the world is not on your shoulders though, and your results in Year 12 do not define you. You define you. ReachOut has a helpful site about life after Year 12 that shares the experience of a broad range of Australians. You might find it helpful: http://thereslifeafter.reachout.com/. You might also find RO's article about self-esteem helpful.

 

Keep sharing with us how you are doing and let us know if we're on the right track to helping you. We're here to listen and support.