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Being open with people

I know that I'm not completley honest with people about what is going on for me and how I feel, in fact I push a lot of it aside and pretend its not there. I don't talk to my friends about how hard things are for me, even my closest friends get the bare minimum and a "I'll be fine". I have one work mate who is always there for me but even when we do talk about the not so great stuff I still can't share the truth.  One of the reasons do this is I don't really know what to say to them to let them know that i'm actually not ok. 

as well as... 

 

- I'm scared about what they will say... will they even take me seriously?
- I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable
- I put up such a mask of being the happy and funny one I'll let them down if I talk about the hard stuff

 

Every single day is so fucking hard and at the moment with all this stuff thats going on with Mum its even worse. I just cant keep hiding anymore, I can't keep putting on this brave face, its exhausting and its making things feel so much than they already are. 

 

and im just stuck i dont know how or what to say to reach out to these people who I need right now. 

 

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: Being open with people

Hey @j95
It's always a struggle to open up to those around us, what will they think? What will they say?
Most likely, you won't make anyone uncomfortable. Talking to your mates about what's bothering you is a show of trust.

There are a few things you can do. One is begin with saying "I'm not doing well" or something like that. Or you can choose something specific, like the stuff going on with your mum, and then explain that to your mates.

We're always here if you need to talk, but it's nice to really talk to those closest to you when you need them.

Re: Being open with people

Hey @j95

 

The thought of opening up to someone is very scary. Everytime I meet someone new, the thought crosses my mind as to whether or not to tell them about my dark times. For me, it usually comes down to whether or not I have built a trusting relationship with them.

 

You have taken the first step in identifying that you have trouble with this. There is no right or wrong answer as to how to go about this. Perhaps you can start out how this person did, by sharing little bits at a time. You would be surprised about how many people have gone through dark times. I find this approach to be best for me, as I feel as though I’m not overwhelming them or making them uncomfortable.

 

Yes, it is daunting to share snippets of your story to someone when you don’t know how they are going to react, but at the same time, sharing your story shows you who your true friends are. Yes, it can be hard to lose a friend over your dark times, but then again, do you really want to be friends with someone who doesn’t support you, or listen to you or anything else listed in this factsheet?

 

 Perhaps you can start a conversation with one of your mates by texting them saying that you are having a bad day and would like to talk a little about it if they don’t mind.

 

If you never take a leap and try, you will never know how they will react. You also don’t know if they know that you aren’t okay and are just waiting for you to start the conversation.

 

Hope this helps you a bit.


My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn't go as planned and that's okay. ツ

Re: Being open with people

@j95 how are you going with everything that has been added to this thread? (and life in general)

 

hope some of this is helpful.

 

i honestly build things up in my head when i think about opening up to others, especially my close friends because i dont want their opinion of me to change. but whenever i follow through and  do infact open up, i am so glad i did because my freidns were more accepting and helpful that i thought they would be. i always am pleasantly surprised, but then think to myself 'wait a sec - no shit they accept me, they are my friend'.

 

have you opened up to anyone and had the similar pleasant surprise when they really take the information perfectly and support you as a result?

we are what we repeatedly do - aristotle

Re: Being open with people

@N1ghtW1ng @Craycray17 @stonepixie I dont want to seem like i'm ignoring your replies because I'm not, just not sure what to say but definitely thanks! i'll reply properly when I can Smiley Happy

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: Being open with people

No worries. Smiley Happy You can always try writing things down when it all gets too much. I've done that as well. It worked out okay, as the person I was telling realised that it was a sensitive topic for me and that I just wanted them to know what was going on.

My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn't go as planned and that's okay. ツ
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Re: Being open with people

My advices would be 

1) start small for you to get use to sharing these type of things. 

2) see how they engage in your problems and dont be put down if they did not respond the way you want them to. Thing is everyone is different. Some ppl are great and some ppl arent good at listening to other ppl's problems.

Take care.