Constant Struggles (TW)
So a few years ago I had gotten into a relationship and everything was going great. One thing to note is that I come from a Middle Eastern background and my parents, specifically my dad, is strict to the point where if he feels that we are taking advantage of our freedom to go out and do certain things, he will cause an argument about it and make you feel as though you are not allowed, or not supposed to be doing, what you believe makes you feel good.
My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly five years now, but only three years we had to make the relationship as silent as possible. This was because him and my dad got into an argument about the fact he bought a car, and to my dad, that looks as though he is immature and not spending money on what's more important, like a house or wanting to spend money on a nice wedding, because we were planning of on getting married, and we still are. My boyfriend did not have a million dollars in his pocket to buy a house, I don't think anybody does, not that I know. Anyway, my dad completely disagreed of him being my boyfriend, he did not want me to be with him at all, he became so aggravated about it that he became violent in his speech and actions. We couldn't spend Christmas together, he couldn't come over to my house and couldn't even leave the house at all, not even go to the shops. I had to constantly lie about the fact that I was with him so he would not start yelling. He did not want him to come back and discuss the issues at all, did not want any communication what so ever, months later we started having relationship problems because we could not see each other, my dad was abusive and violent. I moved out for a year and placed an AVO on him, but then I moved back home because I wanted to mend things between me and my family. But I had to lie about my relationship. I am still living with my parents, I am Nearly 25 Years old, my dad does not want me to be in a relationship with my boyfriend, I am not allowed to go out at night, my curfew is 10 pm, and Christmas is coming up soon and I can not see my boyfriend over the Christmas period without my dad feeling suspicious, my dad still has not changed and is still violent and always talks down on me. I need help, I want to move out but my financial circumstances are not that great.
Can someone shed some light and give me the best advice. I want to move independently, but money is an issue, someone please tell me what to do.
Re: Constant Struggles
Hi @2steps, thank you for sharing your story with us - it must have taken courage to reach out for support
I am sorry to hear of your struggles. The way your father is treating you is not okay, you have the right to feel safe and to leave the house and spend time with your boyfriend. I can hear how much it hurts to be so restricted and to be unable to see your boyfriend.
One option for you could be speaking to a social worker at centrelink - they may be able to help you access benefits or safe housing. Another great service is 1800respect where you can call or webchat and get advice about coping with your dad or just talk about what you’re going through.
This website - https://girlsgottaknow.com.au - also has some information about things like money, family violence, and relationships.
Is there anything you enjoy doing that can help you relax and take care of yourself during such a stressful time?
Re: Constant Struggles
Re: Constant Struggles (TW)
Welcome to RO @2steps
@Bee and @DruidChild have offered you some fantastic info and supports below (particularly 1800 Respect). I just also wanted to say how courageous you have been to have reached out about this. Are you currently seeing a counsellor or a psychologist about what's been going on?
Also just to let you know, I added a TW or "trigger warning" to your post, as it might be a bit triggering for other members and I edited out a couple of the more graphic details in the post. For more into on our community guidelines, check out this link here
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