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Dad needs help

Hey, I don't know what people usually talk about on this chat but I need help for my dad. He is becoming more and more aggressive and angry at myself, my mother and my sisters and blames it all on us and is, therefore, getting angry at us through his own doing. I can't exactly just tell him to go to a psychologist because I'm worried that if I do, he will see me thinking he is weak. I need to get him help or to talk to a counselor or something, I don't know. Can anyone help me out by suggesting anything I can do?

Thank you very much in advance.

Dad needs help

Hey, I don't know what people usually talk about on this chat but i need help for my dad. He is becoming more and more aggressive and angry at myself, my mother and my sisters and blames it all on us and is therefore getting angry at us through his own doing. I can't exactly just tell him to go to a psychologist because im worried that if i do, he will percieve me thinking he is weak. I need to get him help or to talk to a counselor or something, i don't know. Can anyone help me out by suggesting anything i can do?

Thank you very much in advance.

Re: Dad needs help

Hey @Ferrariman welcome to RO! Thanks for coming here and sharing your situation with us. You are going through a very rough time with your dad getting aggressive and angry with you and other family members. That must be incredibly difficult to deal with.

 

I am concerned about how it must be impacting you. It's important that you take some measures to take care of yourself as you are trying to find solutions to a very challenging situation. Is there a counsellor or a therapist that you already go to or one that you can go see to talk about this? 

 

Regarding your dad's behaviour in the last while, have you discussed this with your mother or other family members yet? I'm wondering what your mum might have to say about this as she must be facing enormous stress as well. 

 

 

 

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Re: Dad needs help

Try to talk to him like be very calm. Try to understand what's bothering him, and maybe you can recommend a counseling session for the family and not just him, because he might disagree going alone. Hope this helps

Re: Dad needs help

Hi Ferrariman,

 

Sounds like a very stressful and delicate situation. I would suggest having a discussion with your father when he is calm if there is no threat to your safety or anyone else's. When I want to confront someone and I want to be assertive, I use the acronym DEAR MAN. For example:

 

Describe the situation: Dad, I've noticed that you've been a little stressed lately.

Express: I feel really upset when you get angry and yell at me or other family members.

Assert: I would really appreciate it if you would be mindful of how you are communicating.

Reinforce: If you would speak more calmly, it would make me feel more relaxed and comfortable at home.

 

Mindful: keep focused on the topic you intended on speaking about. Try not to bring up past conflicts or be swayed by the other person's hostility.

Appear confident: stand up straight and make eye contact

Negotiate: be open to negotiation.

 

Communicating assertively is something I really had to work hard on, and I still need practice! I even write down what I want to say before I initiate the conversation. If speaking to your father is what you want to do, don't be disappointed if it doesn't go perfectly the first time. The aim of assertive communication isn't necessarily to get what you want, but to ensure that you are not being bullied or manipulated.  

 

I really hope this helped! Good luck!

Re: Dad needs help

Try to help but don't hurt yourself. Stay strong. Keep your own mental state healthy. He will probably get better. Make sure you're okay when he soes

Re: Dad needs help

When he does