I won't be telling you my name. But, I'm a business owner in the south, I'm 30 years old, and I'm engaged to my dream girl. Her daughter calls me Daddy. We built our business together. I love her with all of my being.
Unfortunately, I am not always the best person. I'm conceited, blunt, and if I'm not careful I will take a negative outlook on things. I act without thinking, I run from my problems, and I make excuses for myself.
About a day ago, a girl from my past contacted me. At first I ignored it, but eventually I buckled. Did I talk about any specific topic I wasn't supposed to? No. But did I tell my fiance this happened? No. I didn't tell her because I wanted to be able to deal with things on my own.
I've made a huge mistake. Instead of leaning on her for support, I omitted the situation from her. Early this morning, my fiance looked at my phone, which she was entitled to do, and saw the messages. Once again, nothing graphic. Nothing bad. Nothing sexual. But definitely I shouldn't have been talking to the other girl at all.
Now I am hurting. And I probably deserve to. She won't talk to me, look at me, much less sleep next to me or hold my hand. We are still getting married, but I don't want her to hurt. I want her to get back the same joy she had yesterday.
I need help dealing with myself. I need help admitting my faults and coping or even conquering them. I need to show her that I made a mistake but that I do love her, that she is my everything. But I also need to deal with my faults and issues.
It is so hard knowing she loves me so much, when I don't feel like I deserve it. She does so much for our little family, and for our business. How could I have been so foolish? Why did I do this?
I want to talk to someone about my faults and issues. I contacted literally every local counselling office but no one is open today. I am really hurting. Honestly, when I was younger I would self harm in this situation. I wish I had an outlet for my self frustrations. I know that if I loved myself as much as she loves me, this wouldn't have happened. But sometimes I seek my value in strange places.
Just so you know, ReachOut Australia is actually a forum for young people 14-25, and so the advice you get here might be more tailored for younger people - and you might find our community has fewer people who have gone through what you're going through.
If you need someone to talk to tonight, I would really recommend Mensline. They have a phone service and a forum much like this one. I know a lot of the men on that forum have been through similar situations to yours so they might have some really great perspectives. The counsellors on Mensline are also really amazing and I definitely recommend them if you need to talk to someone fast!