Don't read - triggering

[loves netball]

Everything is a mess. I don't want to see the new year, I want to die. No one can help me; I'm beyond help and don't deserve help. My family make me want to kill myself; kids helpline want me to kill myself and I want to kill myself. I have no one to talk to who will just listen and not hang up on me or tell me what to do.

Usually when I want to kill myself I worry about what will happen when it doesn't work. But I'm not caring about that anymore because I know next time I try it will work and I will die and everyone can be happy that they got rid of me. I can be at peace.

Edit: now the SCBS want me to die too; I'll go find a way to set everything up and do it

[Sans-RO]

Hey @loves netball you sound really distressed. what's going on?

[loves netball]

I can't get up, get dressed and I need to kill myself @Sans-RO

[Sans-RO]

@loves netball I've just emailed you. 

[redhead]

@loves netball I hope your ok.

[loves netball]

no not really, I could have done it by now

[redhead]

Did you want to talk?

[loves netball]

I don't know what to talk about. I'm just so pathetic and can't relate to people. Dying feels so right; I somehow just need to do it. Everyone thinks I've improved so much in a year but I haven't; I wasn't supposed to see 2016; now I don't want to see 2017

[redhead]

Just because you experience these things doesn't make you pathetic. You are valued and you matter and what you go through matters as well.
Is there anything in the coming year your looking forward to?

[loves netball]

I'm losing the support that has helped me the most; the one person who stopped/talked me out of so many attempts throughout the year. So no, I'm not looking forward to anything now. I'm quetioning so many different things. I feel so empty, out of control. I can't sit with feeling empty. I just need to be punished