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Everyday I wake up and it feels like my lives on repeat

Everyday I wake up and it feels like my lives on repeat, always the same. 

Get up go to school come home do martial arts and repeat. I get upset and no-one seems to notice, it's been like that most of my life. Everyone seems to think just because I smile sometimes and laugh at a dumb joke i'm ok and they don't need to ask how are you, or are you feeling ok. 

The pain i feel is exhausting and i just wan't someone to listen and to care. 

Fear is what makes me who i am, but what happens when i'm not when i'm not scared anymore. 

Re: RE:Chit Chat

Hi @NR2045 and welcome to our community Heart 

 

I'm really glad that you found us and have got this off your chest. It sounds like you've been carrying around a lot of pain on your own, which is so difficult to go through. It's really brave of you to reach out for some help so thank you for being here. 

 

I think a lot of people can relate to that feeling of every day being the same - I know going through the same routine over and over again makes me feel uninspired and bored of life. Can you think of something you enjoy doing that you can incorporate into your week? 

 

Also you've mentioned feeling as though fear makes you who you are. I think most people carry around fears - some people have lots and some people have a few. Over time we learn to live with the things that make us afraid, how to do the things we want to in spite of that fear and what to do when the fear takes grip. I think what ends up happening is that you realise there is much much more to who you are than what you fear. 

 

I just wanted to let you know that I moved your comment into a thread of it's own so the community can find you more easily and offer you support Heart

Re: Everyday I wake up and it feels like my lives on repeat

Hi @NR2045 

 

It's really horrible when your life seems to be just repeating like that...

If you could do anything just to break up that routine, what do you think it would be?

 

You said: "Fear is what makes me who i am, but what happens when i'm not when i'm not scared anymore"

I've had anxiety since I was like three or four years old and I have definitely thought the same thing. Like, that fear has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. At the time it was one of the few things that stayed constant in my life.

But... I don't think it's a part of me. I think if anything fear made it harder for me to learn more about who I am, because it clouded everything.

So what happens when you aren't scared anymore?  It might give you the chance to learn about what else makes you who you are. It might even give you the chance to choose who you want to be.

But no matter what you will still be yourself, because there is more to you than fear.

Re: Everyday I wake up and it feels like my lives on repeat

Hi @NR2045! Welcome to the forums!

I'm sorry that no one asks how you are and that your life is pretty draining right now. Smiley Sad
I felt similarly when I was in high school, so you're definitely not alone. What helped me was to have something to look forward to, whether it was after school, during the holidays or at the end of the day. Do you have anything that you're excited about in the future?
Another thing that helped me was to break up the routine by doing something new. For example, sometimes my friends and I would check out a new event in our area, or take up a new hobby. Do you think that doing something like this would help you too?

Re: Everyday I wake up and it feels like my lives on repeat

hello @NR2045  and welcome
I can empathise with you on feeling like life is on repeat. im wondering if youd like to try any other hobbies to add something different to your day? or create a project youd like to do such as a scrapbook?

have you considered speaking to your parents or maybe teacher or your school counsellor if you not comfortable talking to your parents?

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: Everyday I wake up and it feels like my lives on repeat

i see the school counsellor every Monday and i still feel alone, having ptsd is horrible and no-one seems to get the pain i feel, especially when times get rough.
thank you for giving me the ideas i needed, i think you saved my life.

Re: right now I am....

Right now i'm angry with myself for being weak, i'm wide awake scared to close my eyes because of the flashback nightmares, i'm contemplating all the different outcomes of what will happen when i do eventually close my eyes, and i'm missing my cousin who died in the car crash that gave me my nightmares and ptsd. 

Re: Everyday I wake up and it feels like my lives on repeat

Hi @NR2045 and thank you for reaching out to our community overnight Heart

 

I can hear how much pain and fear you are feeling right now Heart I want you to know that we hear you- in this community many of our forum members have been through similar experiences of PTSD and can relate to or understand you. You are not alone here and I hope you can feel this is a safe space to talk to others who can understand Heart

 

I can see that you have courageously reached out for support and have mentioned flashbacks associated with PTSD. These are some really big feelings to have on your shoulders, and I hope that by typing the words down and hearing from others in our community has helped lighten the load even a little bit. You have mentioned in other forum threads that you have found some strategies- what strategies have worked for you in past?

 

I thought I might share a resource I have found really helpful to help in those moments when the nightmares or flashbacks get hard. Have you heard of Blue Knot and their helpline before? They are a service that support to survivors living with some of the feelings and experiences you have mentioned around PTSD- in fact, supporting people living with PTSD is what their entire service is dedicated to. I have used this helpline before and found them really helpful when flashbacks occur- they talked me through what is happening and were there to support me step by step to use grounding strategies Heart 

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Check out our community activities calendar for November 2019 here

Re: Everyday I wake up and it feels like my lives on repeat

Just thought I'd let you know I moved one of your posts from hanging out to this thread so we can offer you some more support Heart
__________

Check out our community activities calendar for November 2019 here
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Re: right now I am....

@NR2045 I can definitely relate to being too scared to close my eyes...

 

Is there anything you can do to make your bedroom feel as safe as possible, and remove any triggers that might be in it?

 

Like, for me need to have some sort of light were I sleep so that if I start to panic, I can easily look around to remind myself that I'm safe.

I also make sure that there's nothing in the darkness that I could mistake for someone standing up. That one probably won't make much difference for you but there might be other triggers that you can control to make things easier for yourself.

I also use a weighted blanket because it provides sensory input that isn't a flashback, and try to sleep with my back to something because it makes me feel more secure.

 

I found that changing my environment really helped, though my specific situation is slightly unusual so idk how helpful you'll find it, but it could definitely be worth a try.