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Everything is happening at once

My sister's friend who lives with us has tried to kill herself four times this year and almost did last night. Today my mum has been talking about suicide, she's really upset, like she rarely ever shows or talks about her emotions, but today she was crying and saying she has nothing to live for and that she wants to die, but she says she wants to change things and live happily, but not like this- which I think is really really good, I've been trying to help her just by listening and telling her there are people who care about her, and talking about reasons to live and stuff, but I don't think I can fix her problems. The problem, from what I've heard, is she doesn't have enough money to afford to live, the bills are too much and my sister is being mean to her, she refuses to pay rent, even though she has way more money than my mum, like she earns Three times as much as her so she could easily pay half or all the rent but chooses not to, she doesn't talk to mum anymore and calls her annoying and a b*tch every time mum tries to talk to her, and my sister bought a dog, neglects it completely and somehow made mum take care of it. The dog missbehaves and bites her, the walls, everything and my sister doesn't care, so I think everything has all just built up and it's totally overwhelming and it looks like there's no answer, and I can understand how all of it could make her feel this way. she thought of moving, just me and her, to a different state with her father and finding a job there, and I said that would be awesome, but I really, really don't want to do that because I'm so attached to this town, and I would really miss my friends.. Even though I haven't spoken to them in months, because of my social phobia.. I want to see them again, but I couldn't if I lived so far away, and I can't even talk to mum's father because I'm so messed up and afraid of humans. So I wanted to reach out and ask for help because I don't know what to do to help my mum, and, I don't know if this is the right place to ask for help with these kind of situations, but I don't know if I should move away with her, I couldn't stand being apart from her but I don't think I could cope living with her father either, and I can't afford to live alone, I feel helpless, but I just want mum to be okay.

Re: Everything is happening at once

Hey @neko

 

Sounds like you are having a really intense and tough time right now with your family. I am really sorry to hear about it. I can't imagine how hard it is for you right now. 

 

I can see how strong and supportive you are being for your mum. I think you're incredible for caring so much and working so hard to help. High five for that! 

 

You have definitely come to the right place to ask for help too!

 

I want to give you the details of some people who you can talk to as well though. I think it's important to have a person you can chat to 1 on 1 right now. I reckon have a look at KHL because they can help anyone up to 25 years old. 

http://www.kidshelpline.com.au/

If you don't feel comfortable talking on the phone, they also have an awesome way to chat with someone who can help online too Smiley Happy

 

I think you should start there and let us know how you go? 

 

It might also be a good idea to get some more support for your family. You don't have to do all of this on your own! It's important to get some support and make sure there's other people who can help you. 

 

I want to keep talking about all of this with you @neko but first i think it's important that you have a got at chatting to Kids Help Line. Can you let me know if you're okay with doing that? 

 

We're here for you neko! You're not alone! 

 

 

Re: Everything is happening at once

hey there @neko, wow that sounds like  bit of a crazy time for you. im sorry to hear that. i think that @Ben-RO'S advice regarding talking 1 on 1 is a great idea, and kids helplike are awesome. also, relationships australia have some great resources if you wanted to check them out and give them a call, it might help you out with your mum

we are what we repeatedly do - aristotle

Re: Everything is happening at once

Hey @neko

 

How've you been feeling these past few days? Wanted to check up on you and see if you've had the chance to check out @Ben-RO's suggestions. We're here to help and to look out for you Smiley Happy

___________________________________________________
Stay excellent

Re: Everything is happening at once

hey @neko

 

I'm sorry to hear how tough things have been for you. Didyou get a chance to check out the kids helpline?

 

Just wanted to check in with you and see how you're doing - feel free to keep us updated! 

Re: Everything is happening at once

Thank you for the advice, and I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner, I really suck at this. And everything. I did have a look at Relationships Australia and the fact sheet for Family services, and from that I looked at the Queensland community support website, and I didn't really find anything helpful other than a list of online and telephone counciling, that included Kidshelpline which I was planning to talk to anyway, so I emailed them, (because I can't talk to people on the phone and I don't like to live chat online because I type really slowly and then delete everything because I hate it all) when they replied they asked a lot of questions about my mum and my sister and stuff, and gave me a number for my mum to call to talk about my sister's abuse, but my mum said she didn't want to do anything like that. So, anyway, mum has decided to stay since my sister agreed to pay a quarter of the rent, so mum will only just be able to get by. I'm just hoping something will change so she can be happy and financially stable. I don't know what to do from here..

Re: Everything is happening at once

Hey @neko don't stress about taking some time to reply. Here, as long as you have a go at growing and learning new things there's literally no wrong answers and you can take as long as you need. 

 

If you mum's not ready to call right now, then that's that. BUT and this is a very big important 'but', because of the help you have gone and looked for for her, she now knows there IS a number she can call and that she doesn't have to do this alone. It's not a miracle cure, but i can assure you, that still makes a big difference!  

 

If you're not ready for chatting 1 on 1, that's cool too although you can always change your mind later and i hope one day you feel comfortable with that.

 

I think it's awesome that you have done so much already, some problems don't change overnight, as much as I wish there was a way to make that happen. I think you have taken some important first steps, now it's just a matter of keeping going! There's this really cheezy saying which goes "the journey of 1000 miles begins with a first step" and i totally admit that it's heaps clichéd but I think it can help you see problems in a different way, as things we need to break into little bits, rather than trying to somehow make it 1000 miles in a single step. 

 

So my questions is, where would you like to head next? Is there another small step you can take? 

 

 

Also do you want to work on outside stuff, like dealing with family issues and finding ways to make sure mum is supported. Or do you want to think about inside stuff, like dealing with stress that this situation creates and making sure you look after yourself? Or is it time for a break from all this? 

 

Up to you, but we're here for you @neko Smiley Happy 

 

 

 

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Re: Everything is happening at once

@neko good on you for being proactive and checking out what is available. I understand how busy things get and sometimes well-being gets the back-seat, so don't forget that it's totally cool to seperate yourself and focus on yourself for a bit.

It's so great that you have provided you mum with resources that can help.
@Ben-RO has suggested some awesome ideas and proposals, I thought I'd also say how great it is that you have seeked out resources
we are what we repeatedly do - aristotle