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Falling into a drug addiction and I don't know how to get out

While I was browsing the internet in search of a good doctor who understands drug addiction (too many don't), I stumbled accross this site and I'm just going to post because it can't hurt... I need help.

 

I've been using Heroin semi-regularly for 3 years, for most of it I've been "seemingly" in control but the drug is a sneaky devil and a few months ago I slipped into a daily addiction, went on buprenorphine briefly and I believe that I'm extremely fortunate to be off it which is a bit of  a long story. But it wasn't long before I started using heroin again... it was about 3 weeks. Ever since then, I still have not had a habit but lately I've been finding myself using every 2nd day, about half the week, finding myself tired and depressed when not using, and I know that at this point I'm on a slippery tight rope but I don't want to go there again. 

 

I'm in my early 20s, and life is seemingly good on the outside. Despite using for 3 years on a semi-regular basis (once a week; twice a week; every day for short periods of time, quit for 2-4 weeks, back to weekly, etc - that was the pattern for about 2 years), noone who doesn't use drugs knows about my problem. That includes my family, my partner's family, my work, my few sober friends, etc). I have a good job, rent a decent house with my wonderful partner, I'm a nice person and I don't look or act likea junkie even when I was physically addicted. I know I'm throwing my life away and I can't afford to keep this up but every time I tell myself "not today" sometime happens and my mind changes. I Can't get rid of my contacts because I know how to get all their numbers again with minimal effort. It's hard to explain. I don't want to go on any opaite substitutes. I started going to NA meetings but they all say you have to go every day and I just can't fit that kind of commitment into my life right now so I stop going. I also don't know how to make myself WANT to stay away from the drug. It's like, half of me (my heart) desperately wants OUT but the other half (part of my mind, and my body craving for that opiate high) is whispering into my ear all the reasons why I should continue using. It's very easy to believe and justify that devil in my ear, even though its reasoning makes NO sense, there is no logic in it. But drugs and logic don't mix.

 

So basically, I'm watching myself become addicted to a notoriously powerful drug that has stripped so many people of their morals, love, emotions and souls, and I feel so powerless to stop it. I'm scared of what will happen tomorrow - I tell myself "No, I won't!" now, but it's so easy for that "no" to turn right around when I least expect it. Payday is on Thursday and that is basically always a time for me to use. And I have money in the bank now - but even if I didn't, I could borrow it because my secret is still a secret and I can tell some damn convincing "white" lies. I'm scared of myself. Using and scoring without serious immediate consquences at this point in my life is too damn easy.

 

I'm looking for a good, understanding doctor in Melbourne's East / South east suburbs. So at least I can discuss my options, find a starting point and to touch base with regularly. If anyone has any suggestions it would be muchly appreciated. They don't need to exclusively bulk bill - I spend more money than anything else on Heroin (No kidding; I could own a house, have gone on great holidays, drive a luxury car - no exaggeration - if I had've saved all the money I spent on Heroin and other drugs) so paying a doctor doesn't bother me too much. I had a great doctor but he was contracted to a large clinic that doesn't take appointments and the wait for him can be hours. Then the doctor I was on the buprenorphine with is in st. kilda which is too far away especially after work when the traffic in the inner suburbs is bad.

 

Additonally, any experience or advice in getting off drugs will be greatly appreciated. Has anyone here beaten this affliction and lived to tell the tale? If so, what did you do? Will it take a miracle?

Re: Falling into a drug addiction and I don't know how to get out

And by the way, I'm well aware that my life will end  up in the dunny if I keep doing this, that's if it doesn't kill me first. I'm throwing my life away and I'm totally aware of it, but I still can't leave the damn stuff alone. That's part of the reason I'm so perplexed - I simply don't know what to do, and I definitely don't want to be a junkie.

 

Sorry for the double post; I don't know how to edit my first one.

Re: Falling into a drug addiction and I don't know how to get out

Hey there, you should be really proud for posting such an honest and brave post, I don't have heaps of time right now to reply properly but I just wanted to let you know that you sound like someone with a lot of strength - despite what stereotypes of drugs users might try and make you feel. I'm not aware of specific doctors but I think Turning Point could help you find one who is youth-friendly and has an empowering approach to addiction. Check them out here http://www.turningpoint.org.au/ and hope to keep seeing you round the forums...

Online Community Manager

ReachOut.com

Re: Falling into a drug addiction and I don't know how to get out

HI Avocado, I've never been through this myself but whenever I do try do quit something I confide with my very close friends about what I am dealing with and that I want to stop it. By doing so they've always made me feel supported and kept me in check. I hope this helps in some way. All the best!

Re: Falling into a drug addiction and I don't know how to get out

hey avocado,

 

How's you week going?

 

It's awesome that you're aware of your situation. Addiction can be a terrible beast to wrestle with so it makes a huge difference that you know that's what's going on in your life. I understand how incredibly scary it is to be in your position. Not wanting to use and yet finding yourself using everyday. Feeling powerless like that can be overwhelming, like you're on a ride that you can no longer get off. The important thing to remember is that even when using no longer feels like a choice, it is one. Which can sometimes be a bitter pill to swallow, but it means that not using remains a choice too.

I see you've asked for a suggestion regarding a good GP. GP's can be great but my suggestion would be you talk to a drug counsellor instead. Reducation strategies, withdrawal management, maintenance and treatment options are really varied, it's really important to get the right fit. Am Drug and Alcohol counsellor will have all that information at their fingetips. The ADIN website allows you to search in your area. 

I know you've tried a bunch of things and they haven't worked but sometimes the trick is to revisit those same options in a slightly different way. Again, these are things you could plan out with your counsellor. 

I have seen a lot of people kick this drug. People who have lost absolutely everything as well as those that manage to stop in time before that happens to them. You can totally do this. You sound motivated and scared. And in a situation like yours, scared is a good thing. It's a drug worth being scared of.

You are absolutely worth it. You deserve way more than this.

Let us know how you're going.

Re: Falling into a drug addiction and I don't know how to get out

Thank you so much for your replies. NigioC, you really hit the nail on the head, that is exactly how I feel. 

 

Yesterday I called directline and they suggested counselling instead of a GP. They said GPs are better more for the physical/prescribing side of things and I don't need or want bupe/methadone. I'm not fully physcially addicted at the moment but I am heading in that direction. I haven't used heroin since Friday but every day is a fight not to use. They suggested counselling and gave me the number for EDAS (eastern drug and alcohol) who have somewhere in my area I can go to. I'm about to give them a call now. I just need somewhere to start because I feel so stuck in a seemingly never ending circle of poo.

 

Again, thanks a ton for your replies. I'll keep you posted.

Re: Falling into a drug addiction and I don't know how to get out

Good for you avocado - we're so stoked for you making that important step.

Online Community Manager

ReachOut.com

Re: Falling into a drug addiction and I don't know how to get out

That's awesome to hear Avocado.

How did it go for you?

Re: Falling into a drug addiction and I don't know how to get out

Please please... get ready... and get off it... !! and do it with professional help...properly.. and deal with why u do it.

.I had a meth addiction 13 years ago (19-22years old) I am now 36 with a gorgeous son and have just started injecting meth again..I have always been a drug user but nothing else controls me like the needle and the meth/ice. I am now booked into detox and probably rehab or at least conselling (A lot) to work out why I do it... I have to go back to @ 16 yrs old!! But I will get off everything.. BUt what a lot to lose.. all because I under estimated addictions.

So deal wth it NOW and dont waste your life.... trust me .. ive lived both.... Better without it... And its controlling YOU!

Good luck.... I will send wishes to u and some power to get thru it.