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Finding out I'm (currently) gay

Hey, I'm 95% sure I'm a lesbian, but the 5% is freaking me out. I remember when I was younger a guy kept asking me if i liked 'hot dogs' or 'tacos', pretty obvious analogy because I never liked any guys.
I panicked and tried to say I was bi, because I thought it was normal to say girls generally like girls (thank you Katy Perry). But the fact is, to be bi i would have to think about boys 'in that way' and I just assumed that when I got older, i would suddenly love guys and want to be in a relationship and everything ! I'm now in uni and that has still not happened the way i feel about 85% of girls i see. And I just assumed that everyone knew that girls were just inherently more attractive than guys, but it wasn't until this year where I realized that it could be a possibility to DATE a girl.


I was usually surrounded by guys so I never 'looked' at any girls, and the ones that were there I desperately wanted to impress or be their friend, it was never sexual, I just wanted to be around them. But now I'm in Uni I just had this moment where I realized that I would never be happy with a guy. That hurt so badly. And even though I don't want to be in a relationship at the moment, the idea of a girl asking me on a date makes my stomach queezy and excited at the same time.


I don't know how to get rid of this uneasy feeling, I have been feeling so sick and haven't been sleeping, I can't focus and all I want to do is just have tell everyone that means anything and then be over it.
But I'm also terrified that I'll wake up and not have those feelings anymore because they've come about so suddenly and there is a part of me that just thinks (or maybe hopes) that they'll go away and I'll finally like boys if i wait long enough and then I'll have to explain myself again and that I was wrong and that terrifies me more.
I really just want a check list of whether I could be in a committed relationship with a girl, if I just knew I think I would feel SO much more comfortable Smiley Very Happy.

Really want to hear if anyone has felt similar things or what might help. Thanks for reading. Smiley Very Happy

Re: Finding out I'm (currently) gay

Hi there @Secret_Pigeon - I can see this is your first post on our forum , so welcome!! Heart

I can hear how confused and worried you are about all of this  - coming on here and opening up about it in your post is a massive step, and takes a lot of courage - well done! 


Sorry to hear how much anxiety you're having around your sexuality - losing sleep, and feeling sick are horrible things to be experiencing Smiley Sad  Lot's of people go through similar confusing emotions when they are working through their sexuality, and trying to decide what to do about it.


I think an important thing to remember is that you don't have to have a label for yourself - if calling yourself "bi" or a "lesbian" or "gay" is making you feel uneasy - you can try just accepting whatever feelings come up as they are - unlabelled. 

Having feelings for girls is 100% okay - and it can definitely be an exciting thing! It doesn't mean you have to start dating, until you are ready to. It will be such an exciting...and probably scary (dating is scary for pretty much everyone!) -  thing to do when you're ready to -  it would be great to have the support of a close friend or two when you do. 

How and when you tell people, is up to you. You don't have to tell everyone at the same time, but it might help you to feel better if  you can open up to one or two close people that you know will be supportive. 

As for the checklist around whether a relationship with a girl is the way to go.. unfortunately no such thing exists - you will only know if you try! There are lots of different types of relationships out there - from casual, to more serious, and it's up to you what types of relationships you feel comfortable to engage in and with who. 


We have lots of helpful information and support ideas over here for you to check out on sexuality if you would like you Smiley Happy Let us know what you think.

We are all here to listen to you and support you on this journey! Heart




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Re: Finding out I'm (currently) gay

@Secret_Pigeon One more thing! 

You might find it helpful to talk to someone specifically about what's been going on for you 

We have a list of services here that specifically support people around their sexuality that might be helpful for you to check out. 

For example, you could chat to someone online or over the phone at Q life.


It's Valentines Day.. have your say - Yeah or Nah?

Re: Finding out I'm (currently) gay

heyyy.. i struggled with the whole "am i a lesbian or am i bi " situation too... and i can totally relate to the sleepless nights and the queasy stomach... 


some advice i could give you is to experiment, be with some girls and some guys and work it out from there. the main thing to remember is you are awesome just how you are  and your sexuality doesn't mean you have to change yourself to fit the stereotypes. 


cool ummm hope this advice helps somewhat cool have a great week 



Re: Finding out I'm (currently) gay

Hey @Secret_Pigeon you're definitely not alone there, figuring out your sexuality can just suck sometimes -it kinda makes you wish there was a test you could do to know for sure. That being said though there's no rush to figure it out, you only need a label if it makes you happy Smiley Happy I was in a similar boat to you where i was afraid of being wrong and having to take what i said back. But sexuality is totally fluid and there's no wrong way to describe it, it's what fits for you! 

Hope you had an awesome day xx 

Re: Finding out I'm (currently) gay

Thanks rainbowpotato (very jelly of your name! XD). I soo want to kiss a girl (ya know... for research). But, like I don't leave my house unless i have school. I have never kissed a boy or a girl as a teen. Mainly because I didn't like most boys and I didn't think girls were an option.
But yeah, anyway thanks! Hope you have a great week too! Smiley Happy

Re: Finding out I'm (currently) gay

Thanks ecla34!
I feel like maybe I was panicking a bit about trying to find a label that fit me because I'm always fussing over who I am and what I want, and to suddenly not know scared me a bit. But I'm trying to chill out over it a bit more and maybe talk to someone irl that I could talk to, cause I want to meet other girls that i have a CHANCE with but I imagine its a bit awkward when the only thing you know you have in common is a sexuality. XD
Anyway, thanks for the kind words! Have a great week!

Re: Finding out I'm (currently) gay

@Secret_Pigeon welcome to RO!!!! 😁

@gina-RO @rainbowpotato @ecla34 have given you some great advice and I agree with it 🙂
I agree that sexuality is fluid and is unique to each person.


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Re: Finding out I'm (currently) gay

Hi @Secret_Pigeon welcome to RO Smiley Very Happy I don't have much advice to offer, but just wanted to drop in and say that I've been in a very similar situation recently. You've not alone. What has helped me the most is to give myself time to explore and figure things out without pressuring myself to put a label on what I was experiencing. Sometimes I'll say to myself, 'okay, I can call myself a lesbian today, but it's okay if tomorrow I decide I want to call myself bi.' 


Does your university have a queer or LGBT group or room? You might be able to meet some more people there! 


Also, your comment about wanting to kiss girls reminded me of this quote from a singer I like: 


Re: Finding out I'm (currently) gay

That's an awesome idea @Secret_Pigeon
@DruidChild 's suggestion about visiting the LGBT space at uni is really good, sometimes they even have groups that meet to discuss stuff like coming out etc.