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Friend Being Pressured By Father

Hi Everyone,

Just need some tips or recommendations on this issue regarding my (semi) close friend.

 

Lately a close friend of mine has been complaining (not complaining as such, just sharing) about her dad. He seems to be putting a lot of pressure on her shoulders in terms of marks. She has said a few times that her dad has gotten quite mad at her when her marks aren't A's. Recently she told me that they signed her up for law school (bear in mind she is nowhere near graduation & has a solid 3 years before university), she told me that she really doesn't want to do it but her parents are forcing her.

 

Just yesterday she got her NAPLAN results back & her dad said something along the lines of "what the hell is this" and though she seems to hide it I can see that she is intimidated by him and I personally really feel for her. Here parents have this dream of the perfect daughter but she doesn't think she can live up to their expectations. I asked her if she was happy with her results and she said yes, but also her opinion doesn't matter to them. 

 

Any Ideas? I'm kinda stumped. My mum's really supportive with me so I don't feel any pressure so I have nothing to relate to in this situation. Heart

Re: Friend Being Pressured By Father

Hey @annabethxchase

I was just about to make a post about this topic, when I saw your post. I have parents sort of like your friend's- my mother in particular is very controlling, which can be very hard at times.

 

Although my experience probably differs slightly from your friends, I can give you some tips of what has worked for me. I hope they help Heart

 

So in my experience, I found it very hard to change my parent's expectations. They are strict- so they tend to be pretty stubborn too. However, a big thing that helped me was changing my way of thinking. Instead of always saying to myself 'I have to live up to my parents expectations- I don't want to disappoint them' I would remind myself that the most important thing is for me to be happy/proud of me Smiley Happy. I would remind myself that I am not studying for my parents- I am studying for me, to build my future. 

Of course, this can be quite difficult to get in the habit of- especially since parents are a major part of our lives. Naturally we don't want to upset or disobey them.

But, I have to say that it is very important for your friend to follow her own dreams and to believe in herself. She should still try to do as best she can with her studies, but rather than making her parents proud, she should aim to make herself proud.

I have seen so many people who have simply done what their parents wanted, rather than listen to their own wishes- and it usually does not turn out that well. It is pretty hard to be happy when you are living someone else's (i.e. your parents) life.

 

I just wanted to say that it is so awesome that you are trying to help a friend, @annabethxchase

Great work Heart 

Re: Friend Being Pressured By Father

@Jardin So glad you were able to change your thinking! Thanks so much for those tips, will tell her today - side note: The day of school wowo!! I think the most standout there was: Don't live other people lives, live your own. Aww Thanks!