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Fuck this shit-Trigger warning

I'm so over everything. I fight and fight to cope but I can't. My efforts to be ok just wind me up deeper and deeper in this pit. And right now I'm sick of crying because it hurts too much. I just don't want to deal with my issues another minute. Its been about a month since my last attempt, I wonder what would happen if I just gave up and tried again. I'm following my safety plan but right now I don't want to anymore. I called the crisis team but will probably have to wait a few more hours til they get back to me and i don't want to wait that long. And the fucking voices, I don't need their shit right now, seriously, they just kick me when I'm down. They are telling me what I have to do and they'll hurt my dad if I don't do what they say. And crying, I'm over it. Growing up mum used to hurt us when we cried so it doesn't feel safe but right now tears are streaming down my face as I write this an they won't stop. And it just hurts, all my life I've been like this and it doesn't go away. I hurt so much inside that I can't breathe and don't want to breathe anymore. And I fucking ate dinner didnt I, this stupid fatty didn't put the fork down. I want to get so drunk right now that it won't hurt when I self harm and OD. I wish I could just x away this, but even that sucks because it's dangerous but then again i could die and I want that. I don't even know why I'm telling you guys, i don't tell this stuff to anyone. I'm too fat and stupid to matter. My friend's and family deserve a life without me. So fuck this shit and let me die.....

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Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: Fuck this shit tw suicide, self harm, eating disorder, alcohol

hey @redhead I have editted a word, I think the rest is okay to stay up there. Wow, thankyou for opening up and being so vulnerable and sharing all of this with us. That sounds really full on, and I can sense that all this painful stuff that has happened has piled up and you're at tipping point. I am really glad you have rung the crisis team, and taken steps to keep yourself safe. But I do think you need more than just that right now, could you give SuicideLine a call on 1300 651 251 or get yourself to a hospital for tonight? I'm also going to email you in a sec.

Re: Fuck this shit tw suicide, self harm, eating disorder, alcohol

Hey @depressedkid I'm sorry things are so hard right now. It sounds like you're having a really tough time coping with everything. Are you having thoughts of suicide? I have emailed you as well, but if you are at risk of suicide or harming yourself you need to give SuicideLine a call 1300 651 251 or LifeLine on 13 11 14 immediately.  

Re: Fuck this shit tw suicide, self harm, eating disorder, alcohol

Hang in there. Things will get better and you will be happy someday

Re: Fuck this shit tw suicide, self harm, eating disorder, alcohol

Just an update: I spent overnight in the emergency room. Then arranged with my case manager to stay the night at my grandparents and see my psychiatrist tomorrow.
Things are bad but I'll be safe.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: Fuck this shit tw suicide, self harm, eating disorder, alcohol

I am glad you are safe @redhead and i am sorry it's so tough right now. Is there anything we can do to help right now?

Re: Fuck this shit tw suicide, self harm, eating disorder, alcohol

Thanks for the update @redhead I was really worried about you last night but I also know you are excellent at getting help when you need it. I'm glad you're safe and there is some arrangements in place. I hope you're looking after yourself today.
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: Fuck this shit-Trigger warning

Glad you've got some stuff organised to keep safe @redhead. Let us know how things go.
____________________#iftoastershadfeelings____________________

Re: Fuck this shit tw suicide, self harm, eating disorder, alcohol

I'm really, really glad you're safe @redhead. Take care. 

Re: Fuck this shit tw suicide, self harm, eating disorder, alcohol

Thanks everyone I would be lost without you guys, your support means a lot
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire