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Help and support for anorexia

I've been suffering from an eating disorder for over a year now, and the diagnosis has evolved from EDNOS to anorexia. 
I need some help please: 

My Mum wants me to help compile a list of things that she can do to support me, especially because all we seem to do is fight over the fact that she doesn’t help me and support me enough. 

But I don’t know what I can ask her - because everything that I want from her, I know that she will complain about and say, “Well you can do that yourself…” or “That’s too difficult, I have three other kids, I don’t have time to do that for you…” 

So I don’t know what I’m supposed to do… Any thoughts - I’m feeling really stuck and need some ideas/help. 

Re: Help and support for anorexia

My mum and I used to have similar fights/disagreements. I would feel like she wasn't really doing anything to support me, while she thought that she was doing a ton.

I can imagine that if she asked for a list I'd be feeling much the same as you, that it was pointless to put most of the things I'd want to put on it as she'd have some argument for why she couldn't.

Could you write down everything you can possibly think of, including those that you're sure have no chance of her cooperation?
Keep listing things until you can't list anymore then leave it alone. Come back to it as many times as necessary and even on a new day continuing to put down anything and everything you think of.
When you feel you're done, then you could narrow it down to a list of ones you think would be really helpful, would be really important, and you think are possible for her to consent to.

You can hand her the revised list, or you can hand her both lists. You can tell her that the big list is a list of everything you came up with and the smaller list are things that are going to be easier for her to begin doing or are the first things she can do.

If you're up for it I think it would be good if the two of you sat down and discussed what was on the list together and what was achievable.
My mum surprised me with a couple of things she was willing to do and did do, yours could surprise you as well.

Re: Help and support for anorexia

Hi Luisa, welcome to Reach Out.

 

It's so awesome that your mum wants to help you out, but it sounds like she is a bit overwhelmed and doesn't really know how to start. Have you heard about The Butterfly Foundation? You might want to print out some of their fact sheets for your mum to read, like these tips for parents. They also have a support group for family and friends, although I think it's only in Sydney but they might be able to point you in the direction of another one if you don't happen to live in NSW. Plus they run education programs across Australia too! It's a good place to start getting some awareness of what you're going through until you work out what you specifically need in terms of support. Your mum obviously loves you, but I can imagine this is a bit scary for her. Nobody wants to feel helpless when someone they love is suffering.

 

Just quickly, if you are using your real name as your username you will need to edit it. Just the first name is fine. As per our community guidelines, we encourage everyone to remain anonymous.

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Re: Help and support for anorexia

Hi Luisa,

 

This sounds really tough. I know it can be really difficult to ask for support from people, especially family, and I'm sure my family could say that it is often really difficult to know exactly what the best things is to do to help support you.

 

I think writing a list of all the ways you would like to be supported is a really good idea. Sometimes, asking for something specifically is the best way to get that need met. It sounds like that would be helpful for your mum as it seems like she wants to help, but isn't really sure sure how.

 

It might also be a good idea to think about if there is anyone else in your life who may be able to act as a support for you as well. Do you have a close friend or another family member that you feel comfortable asking for help? That way, if you find that your mum is not able to support you in all the ways on your list, you could  see if there is someone else who is able to support you in the ways that your mum isn't able to.

 

And I think ElleBelle's suggestion of checking out The Butterfly Foundation is great too. This sounds like another avenue where you could find some support.

 

Best of luck.