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Help.

 I visit these forums often. Just to see whats going on, I never thought of posting here but lately I feel the need to. I feel bad about coming here and not helping. I feel depressed and as if there really isn't a point to staying alive. I have dark circles under my eyes from staying up to late. I've grown an addiction to my computer too. Whenever I get off it I always think of everything bad and what's wrong with life. This brings me to tears most of the time. When I think about things, I think about all the problems of other people and the problems in the world and I feel it's my fault. I really don't know what to do.

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Re: Help.

@SomeKid I'm so pleased you have actually posted and shared what you're going through considering how low you're feeling. I was curious to know a bit more about what's been going on for you and what some of your biggest challenges have been? From what you said it sounds like you've been pretty isolated?? I really encourage you to keep us in the loop if possible, about what's going on for you. You may have noticed I have edited your post just to remove some graphic content but don't let that discourage you from continuing to post. If you're feeling unsafe now, please don't hesitate to contact help (like over the phone, for example KidsHelpline or SuicideCallBack Service). I think the beauty of this forum is that we (really most of us here) are familiar with what it's like to live with darkness. If nothing else, I don't want you to be alone with it. 

 

 

 

 

Re: Help.

Hi there @SomeKid Smiley Happy

I can relate to feeling addicted to my computer - I think I find playing video games and watching videos and stuff to be like a distraction, so I don't have to deal with stuff irl. Is that how it is for you do you think, or am I totally wrong Smiley Tongue

I think a lot of people (me included) struggle with thinking about big world problems Smiley Sad Is there a close friend or family member you think you could talk to about this? Or if you want to talk about it more on the forums we're totally here to listen Smiley Happy

And hey, welcome to RO Smiley Very Happy Lot's of people visit a lot without posting, so no need to feel bad about it. We're glad to have you here Smiley Happy

Re: Help.

I really don't want to talk to anybody about it. It's hard to think about me having these problems and I feel worse when I have them. I feel its my  fault, I'm bringing down others with these problems of myself. I take the weight and give it to someone else and move on. The next time the weight is even bigger, every time.

Re: Help.

Hi @SomeKid, sometimes when we are feeling low we respond by isolating ourselves when what we actually need is to be heard, understood, and supported.  So, although you might not feel like talking to anyone it might be helpful to override that urge to isolate yourself and seek out support from someone you trust.  This could be a friend, family member, or professional counsellor.  Does anyone come to mind for you?  If not, perhaps you could look into linking in with a counsellor.

Re: Help.

Sometimes its good to talk about it. I used to feel the same way as you, like i was unloading my crap onto someone else and it made me feel ten times worse. But it gets better. I gathered a mentality that allowed me to just say whatever and not care. I know its my issue and now sharing makes me me feel better. I now know that only i can fix my issues but others support you. And like like right now i feel like i won't be helping. Its just a part of me that will always think that and who knows if I'm alright. Anyway hit me up if you wanna chat. Awkward potato out! ✌

Re: Help.

Nobody really understands what I mean. It hurts to think about whats happening to me. I don't want to talk to anybody and I can't talk to anybody. Nobody would ever understand. That's why I came here so that there WOULD be people who understood. I don't wanna be redirected to some random person who got an education on this job. I want somebody who actually understands.

Re: Help.

@SomeKid

I know what you mean having no one who understands. I went through the same thing, i even became violent at one point because NO ONE new how i was feeling and why i do the things that i do.

From my experience its a process just lie the seven stages of grief.

I was forced to see a professional and i hated her guts, she tried to force feed me and tell me that im not me, that some outer source was controlling how i think. 

I still don't believe that now but i ended up admitting that maybe i kinda do have a problem. To be honest i probably would have died without seeing a professional. 

What im saying is that of course they wont understand. No one is you. But it might be a good idea to think about it if its starting to become a real problem. 

Re: Help.

Allow though I havent committed to it but, I believe I am going to turn to self harm sooner or later. I feel like I DONT have a choice, I cant control myself to stop this at this point. I'm going to go see somebody in about 15 days. I dont want to interact with them, nobody would understand. If I wanted a professional I would hire somebody from here to help me, not from some random clinic.

Re: Help.

Hey @SomeKid
Im sorry to hear that you're feeling like this. I do encourage that you see this person and try and interact with them. It will be hard for them to understand, but it's not impossible either; just give it a chance, it could really help.

If it's any comfort, I used to (and sometimes still do) feel as if I'm dragging people down around me. When I was younger, it was really hard because I used to feel like I was the "problem" in my family, that if I wasn't around, then the bad stuff that was happening would just stop. But it's not that black and white. These days i feel that way less, but some days its really crappy. I just have to remind myself that there are certain things that I can control and i focus my energy on those things.

And you're not going to bring anyone down when you share these problems of yourself. The people around you im sure want to be there for you and help you. Sometimes we are hurt or upset and that's ok, its ok to need or want someone to talk to. It doesnt mean you weigh them down or are at fault. its a part of the relationship and just life.

How are you feeling today?