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Hocd or extreme denial??

Hey I'm 14 and I've always liked guys and I have never given it a second thought untill now. One day I was with my family and I was look at a girl and I thought she was really pretty and then the thought just popped in my head, "you are gay, you like girls!". I panicked. That has never happened to me before. I stopped thinking about it for a while then the thought popped back in my head and this time it won't go away. At first knew I wasn't gay there was no way. I have always been emotionally and physically attracted to guys. I always wondered what it would be like to kiss a guy and have a relationship with a guy. I would always get that warm satisfying feeling inside. Then that all stop when I started thinking about this. It have been a little over a month and I'm still worried about it. But it has gotten worse and know I don't even know what I am. I don't enjoy these thoughts. In fact I dread these thoughts. I could never picture myself with a girl thought. I have these random outburst because it has gotten so bad. I'm feel like I'm lying to myself about this!! I need help!! 

Re: Hocd or extreme denial??

Hey @Ineedhelpcom 

 

Firstly I just wanted to welcome you to ReachOut forums - I have just moved your post to the forum "Getting Help". That way more of the community will get to view it and respond. Hope that's okay Smiley Happy

 

Thank you for sharing what sounds like a confusing experience for you. I'm sorry to hear that  your thoughts are causing you distress - Have you spoken to any trusted friends, family members or support services about what you're going through? It sounds like you're going through something you never have before which is why it's difficult for you. What do you think you can do to remain calm and kind to yourself when these thoughts come up? Heart

 

If you feel up to it check out our recent community discussion around sexuality here . There's some really helpful insights about questioning sexuality that I think you may find comforting. 

 

 

Re: Hocd or extreme denial??

hi @Ineedhelpcom and welcome

Its really brave of you to reach out for help. your not alone in your experiences. many people our age question our sexuality and thats more than ok.
Your thought about a girl being pretty could just be that-a thought. people notice others and their features such as a girl being pretty all the time wheher they are gay or not.

You seem to be quite distressed however and i would reccomend you talk to a service called Qlife. this is for people who are part of the LBTGI community or those who are questioning or feel unsure just as your describing.

As someone who is attracted to both girls and boys i can understand the confusion you may be experiencing, for me i am more attracted to boys and cant really see myself with another female however i dont deny myself to have feeling for girls either. some people only ever date the opposite gender but still feel attracted to the same.

hope this helps and please do consider talking to kidshelpline or QLIFE about whats happening for you
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: Hocd or extreme denial??

Hey thanks! 

Have talked to my mother and my sister they said I'm over thinking it. The thing is I'm really scared that I'm in dinal. I don't want to be gay but then I think what if I'm gay. I feel like I have to go convince myself that I'm not. I need help!!

Re: Hocd or extreme denial??

I don't know what to do I feel like I have to convince myself that I'm not gay sometimes. The thing is I don't want to be gay ( there is nothing wrong with gay people). I want to like guys and just forget about this!

Re: Hocd or extreme denial??

Hey @Bre-RO
Have talked to my mother and my sister they said I'm over thinking it. The thing is I'm really scared that I'm in dinal. I don't want to be gay but then I think what if I'm gay. I feel like I have to go convince myself that I'm not. I need help!!

Re: Hocd or extreme denial??

Hi @Ineedhelpcom, welcome to the forums!

You mentioned HOCD in the title as a possibility, have you ever spoken to a professional about this?

 

And do you know why you don't want to be gay?

For me personally, I'm queer and wouldn't want to be straight, not because I have any problems with straight people but because my sexuality is an important part of my identity and who I am.

Do you think you might have a similar (but kinda opposite) issue, where the idea of being gay just doesn't fit with your identity or with you in general, or is there anything else that's worrying you about the idea?

Re: Hocd or extreme denial??

@Tiny_leaf I don't want to be gay because it doesn't fit me and I've never had a crush on a girl i've it found a girl pretty because I was jealous of her. I've only liked guys that is why I'm worrying about this and I just want to like guys again

Re: Hocd or extreme denial??

@Ineedhelpcom that sounds really difficult, it must be hard to suddenly have all these doubts about who you are..

It sounds like you can't find anything that points to you being gay, but the thoughts that you are gay are too hard to shake, would I be right in saying that?

Re: Hocd or extreme denial??

Yes