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How do I cope with feeling unloved/isolated?

Firstly, I'm 18, don't have a job, live with my mother and sisters and since my birthday I've noticed my mother growing colder toward me, putting more pressure on me to get a job and calling me a burden. My sisters are much younger than me and I've never been particularly close with them. I haven't seen any of my friends from high school since dropping out two years ago, and the TAFE course I'm taking has no people anywhere near my age that I might befriend. Even my online friends haven't spoken to me in months. All of this has led me to the conclusion that nobody, not a single person on this planet, actually loves me. It makes for a very lonely existence, which is why I'm posting this. What should I do to stop feeling so isolated?

Re: How do I cope with feeling unloved/isolated?

Sounds like you're having a tough time there. Isolation i know something about, but not feeling loved by your family? Are you sure they don't love you? Sure you might not have a very deep relationship with them, I know I don't with my family, they hardly know me at all, but I know they still love me in their own way.

 

As for not having any friends, I can totally relate to that. I even have friends now, and I still feel isolated. I still don't connect with anyone the way I would like. Probably the closest relationship I have is with my psychologist. I struggle all the time with this. I've been burned many times by people I thought were my friends, and often deliberately stopped hanging out with people who were no good for me, and just really didn't get me at all. While I was around them, I felt awful. So I went it alone, and boy did that suck.

 

I even went and lived with parents, and all I did was argue with them. It was horrible. So I picked myself up, and tried to make some new friends. i tried every way I knew how. I joined a website called meetup.com and I've met people through that website, and I see them regularly now, and they are good people. A friend I've known for 10 years also just separated from his wife, so I hang out with him on Saturday nights sometimes, and we talk about stuff. I hardly ever used to see him at all.

 

But as for feeling isolated, I still feel that way. I think there is something very solitary about being a sapient human being. That's why so many people say that life is a journey, because its just something you have to do for yourself. Its nice that other people love me, but the one person's love who matters the most to me, is my own love. Without that you are truly lost. As well, its very had to love someone who doesn't even love themselves in the first place.

 

You've got a lot of soul searching to do. Being young and in your late teens, is about discovering who you are, and trying to find a reason to love yourself. Read some books. Talk to a psychologist. Get to be the person who is strong enough for anything that life throws at you.

Re: How do I cope with feeling unloved/isolated?

I want to reiterate what Tesla-weapon said about your family. You may not feel close to them, but they most likely love you, they may just not know how to show it.
Perhaps you could try getting closer to some family members? I get that your sisters are much younger than you, but they're likely an easy place to realise that you're loved.

Are there any people you used to be friends with you could try talking to again online?

Or anything you could start doing that you could make friends from? Taking up a hobby or sport, joining a club? Even getting a job?

The thing with this is, you have to put effort in to get the results. So think about what effort you're willing and able to put in.

Also, it's not the same but joining some online communities and reading books could help with the feeling of isolation.

Re: How do I cope with feeling unloved/isolated?

Hey  @CactusCaptor 

 

Welcome to ReachOut.com! It really sucks that you are feeling so isolated at the moment, you don't deserve to feel alone.

 

You said you are having some issues in your relationship with your mum. Have you thought about talking to her about how you are feeling? She may have no idea about the way her actions are affecting you, so telling her nicely could be a great way to see some improvement. 

 

As for some specific ways to meet some new people and start getting involved, here is some info on loneliness, with some helpful tips on how to reduce that feeling. I really like the part about getting online to chat to some new, interesting people. You said that you do have some online friends however you have lost contact with them. Where did you find these people? On chat rooms or forums? Or are they old friends that you have met in person but now speak to over social media? Regardless, you might like to try the website meetup.com like telsa-weapon suggested, as it could allow you to get out there and chat to some really interesting people. 

Also, I think getting job would not only be a great way to get some cash, but you might also be able to meet and connect with some people through your work! Especially if it is somewhere where they employ a lot of people similar to your age. If you are struggling to find a job at the moment, doing other community stuff like volunteering or joining sport or social groups can be a great way to socialise. 

If it is getting to much, and you continue to feel lonely and would like some support, you might like to try going to ringing the Kids Helpine on 1800 55 1800 or visiting their website at http://kidshelpline.com.au/teens/ This way you can talk one-on-one to someone about what you are going through, and get some support. 

 

You've been very brave posting here and asking for some advice! I really enourage you to keep trying to get involved and meet some new people, so that you can develop that social connection that you really deserve! 

 

Hope this helps Smiley Happy

 

Gabi