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How do I get over it?

Therapy has been really hard lately. I'm doing all the right things but I feel like there are things that I just can't get over. Today my therapist was stressing that I can't be a good nurse if I don't get over my own issues first and idk I'm just really, really tired. She wants me to learn to value myself and have some amount of self respect or self esteem and I don't think I can do that. 

 

One thing is family. I feel like I've been talking about how to cope with my family ever since I started therapy three years ago and I'm just making no progress. I don't think my therapist understands how trapped I really am, or how poor we are, or how unwell my parents are. 

 

Another thing is stuff related to sex/half-memories of sexual abuse/sexual harassment. I know that whatever happened it's in the past and I know it wasn't that bad and I know some of it is my fault. I just feel so desperate to talk about it properly and to be believed, but I'm way too ashamed to talk about it other than making jokes that are actually begging for help. 

 

I'm so tired and I just want to get over these things, or else kill myself to make me stop thinking about it. I don't know how. 

Re: How do I get over it?

Hey there @DruidChild,

Thank you for sharing with us how you've been. It can be incredibly difficult to get over things and sometimes, those things may never be gone but we can also give ourselves strategies and ways to cope when they do come back again. What do you think?

Do you share the memories of abuse and that stuff with your therapist? It's okay to be ashamed about those things, it is normal.

Just on the last sentence, are you able to stay safe today?

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I am finishing with ReachOut this week, say good-bye here. I'll miss you all!

Re: How do I get over it?

Hi @Jay-RO, yeah, that makes sense...it's just that rn, even with all my strategies, it's difficult to stop ruminating. I just want this to be over, you know? 

 

I don't talk about it with anyone. I feel too ashamed and I don't know how. I'm scared of not being believed or being told I'm lying (it's happened before). 

 

I'll be safe today, thanks for checking. 

Re: How do I get over it?

I'm glad to hear you'll be safe today @DruidChild Smiley Happy

 

It's okay to want these thoughts and ruminating to be over.

 

It's terrible that people have called you a liar when you shared a difficult topic with them. I can understand that it's tricky to know how to talk about these things as well. Do you think giving a sexual abuse/harassment helpline a call, such as 1800Respect, might help with getting that conversation started? 

There is also an article on ReachOut that has a long list of services that might be helpful to you, if you're interested. What do you think?

 


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I am finishing with ReachOut this week, say good-bye here. I'll miss you all!

Re: How do I get over it?

@Jay-RO I wrote some poetry about it that I might show to my non-dbt therapist next time I see her (idk when that will be though). Idk if anything that happened to me is like bad enough to talk to that kind of helpline about. It was mostly just harassment and that happens to everybody; the other, worse, stuff I can't remember very well on account of being young so I might well be lying. 

Re: How do I get over it?

Hi @DruidChild Heart Firstly you seem like a really compassionate person and from your posts on here I think you'll make a great nurse. 

 

I honestly think it's so amazing and inspiring the way you persevere at trying to process and move past the challenges and pain in your life. I'm sorry it's so big and overwhelming Smiley Sad I'm not sure what the answers are, but for what it's worth I agree that you're doing the right things.

 

I'm sorry your therapist doesn't seem to be getting the dynamics with your family. Could you try letting her know that you don't think she's got the full picture, and filling in the gaps? Maybe you could start by writing down what you'd like her to know or better understand?

 

I'm so sorry about the abuse you've experienced and that people didn't believe you, it's really not fair. Showing your poetry to your other therapist sounds like a good idea Smiley Happy I believe you and I really hope you can find someone who you can talk about it with who can help you process it...

 

Here for you Heart

Re: How do I get over it?

Hi @hellofriend thank you so much for your kind words! I really appreciate them Heart

I did try a little to explain about my family to her today, but I don’t think I expressed myself very well. Idk. I’m just sick of living here and living with these things. 

Thank you Smiley Happy I hope you’re having a good day. 

Re: How do I get over it?

I caved and tried to webchat 1800respect but it wouldn't work, kept saying it couldn't find the webpage. It feels like a sign that I need to try and ignore this...it was my fault after all, why can't I just get over it? 

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Re: How do I get over it?

Hey @DruidChild, I think even if something is your fault, you are still allowed to be upset. It doesn't necessarily make it easier or mean that you have to get over it. It still hurts and that is still a very valid way to feel. That being said, the actions and responses of others are never our fault. Each person has the ability to choose how they wish to respond and we never deserve abuse, ridicule or pain from another person. I think that no matter how serious/bad/small something is, if it upsets you then I think it is worthy and important to talk about it. You can try Googling 1800 Respect instead as the link seems to be working fine for me (maybe it was down momentarily) Heart

Re: How do I get over it?

Thank you @Taylor-RO, I ended up talking to lifeline last night. Now I just keep thinking about what my mother would say about all of this, that it's a waste of time to ask for help with stuff I may have just made up, that it's all in my head, that I'm just looking for an excuse or something, that I should focus on working on real things like my social anxiety and being assertive. And thinking about what she would say makes me feel so ashamed I think I'm going to throw up. I'm just trying not to think about it. About anything. Even the things I usually rely on to feel better, mostly tv shows, are making me feel sick. 

After talking to my therapist yesterday, for the first time ever I'm realising maybe I was wrong; maybe I can't be a nurse. Maybe I'm just too crazy and toxic.