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Re: How do I get over it?

Glad to hear you are safe @DruidChild. Sometimes sadness and stress can colour how you feel and think about things, so sometimes sleeping it off can be beneficial. It doesn't change the issue itself but sometimes you feel more able to deal with it than the day before. It is hard to find ways to keep going but I know you are so resourceful through the help you give to others. What would you say to someone else on the forums/a friend who feels the way that you do? We are here to listen when you do feel like chatting, rest well! Smiley Happy

Re: How do I get over it?

@Taylor-RO I would probably give advice like, remember you matter, talk to someone, make sure you're eating and sleeping when you can, etc. It's just hard to actually do it Smiley Tongue

 

When I'm at work I feel so paralysed and mute...it's like my body and mouth don't remember how to move, I'm just frozen and scared and I can barely get out simple phrases. My body has grown to five times its size and I knock things over and speak oddly. I feel invisible yet horribly conspicuous. The staff don't want students there anyway and you can tell. Stuff I can do just fine in class is 100x harder because I can't think clearly and I'm pretty sure my facilitator thinks I'm stupid and inept because I'm so scared and overwhelmed I can't answer her questions properly. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a dream or a video game. In my breaks I go to the chapel and think about death. 

Then I go home and everybody's unwell and I can't cope with it. Nowhere is safe or okay. 

 

I feel so desperate to make the pain stop. I know I'm supposed to use my skills and stuff I just idk I'm not doing anything self destructive I just feel horrible so maybe it's okay? And I can't anyway. I don't want to let go of the protective measure of the screen. 

Re: How do I get over it?

Hi @DruidChild that sounds like some good advice you have written. I'm sorry to hear that you feel so paralysed and mute at work, it sounds really hard Smiley Sad Are you able to keep safe tonight? Your suggestion about talking to someone could be worth doing tonight? We're here for you Heart

Re: How do I get over it?

I’ll be safe @Lan-RO although I really really really don’t want to be. I can’t think of anyone to talk to tonight but idk maybe I could talk to one of the other students on prac with me or something tomorrow. That feels kind of attention seeking though. I spoke to my DBT therapist very briefly today, just scheduling an appointment, and she sounded so concerned it almost made me cry. It sucks how much I want people to be concerned for me. Agh this is so painful and frustrating Smiley Sad 

Re: How do I get over it?

Thank you for confirming you'll be safe tonight @DruidChild Talking to one of the students on prac with you sounds like a good idea, I'm sure they won't view it as attention seeking. Good on you for booking in an appointment with your DBT therapist. It takes a lot of strength to reach out for help. You're doing really well in getting some support during tough times Heart

Re: How do I get over it?

@DruidChild how are you feeling now?

Re: How do I get over it?

Thanks for checking in @Beautifullybroken. I’m not really coping atm. Things are hard. Idk. I’m so tired of living. 

Re: How do I get over it?

Hey @DruidChild sorry to just jump in to your reply to @Beautifullybroken but I just wanted to lend my support and also let you know I see the effort you put into not only supporting yourself but also others. Is there anything you can do tonight or this weekend to try and recharge your batteries a little bit?

Re: How do I get over it?

I Thanks @Erin-RO. Nah just making myself spend time with family because I want to be a good kid. I just want to be good. I am so worthless and I need to be better better better. 

 

Today I ended up telling my facilitator that I had mental health issues so some of what we were doing was confronting and she kinda handled it poorly, like she said she was ‘shocked’ and then kept touching me and saying that I should tell her if she could do anything to help, which was the least helpful thing ever. Like...I have an illness...she wouldn’t do the overdone sympathy routine if I said I had diabetes or something. And I was scared the nice student who helped me when I was having a panic attack the other day was annoyed with me about something and I felt so bad and desperate about it. 

 

And now other stuff is coming up, memories of a patient we had who wasn’t doing very well, memories and feelings that make me feel so dirty and bad. My dreams have been so vivid and unsettling lately. I keep dreaming of deep water. Lately during work I try to convince myself that this is just a bad dream and so it can’t hurt me. Which helps, but also blurs the lines between asleep and awake even more. 

 

I’m just so tired of everything, and I’m dreading the weekend. I don’t want to be like this anymore...I don’t want to be anymore. I don’t know how to express how much I hate being alive (I’m safe right now though). I know I’m supposed to Cope and use my skills and whatever but I don’t want to. It’s not fair. I’m sick of working so hard to survive. 

Re: How do I get over it?

@DruidChild this sounds like it's quite overwhelming to cope with.

I'm sorry to hear the facilitators actions weren't helpful for you, how qould ypu have liked them to react?

I've questioned why I have to cope with this and I've felt like I don't want to do this before; so I understand it's such a difficult space to be in. Sending lots of love Heart

 


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