How do I help my boyfriend

[hmm789]

So I myself used to struggle with depression but I'm doing pretty good now. My boyfriend however has moods and times where he snaps and he shuts down and doesn't talk to me or starts to push me away.

He harms himself every now and then and I don't know what to do. Ive told him he can talk to me and he knows he can but he never does. 

I tried to tell him things about myself because with me I felt like no one understood me and couldn't relate to me so letting him know that I understand, I thought was helpful. I somehow forgot though that everyone is different and it turned out that telling him didn't help because it came across that I had it worse which was entirely not my intention at all.

Anyway I don't know how to help him because I think he wants space when he doesn't feel well but then if I do give him space it seems like I don't care 

Someone please give me some advice 

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @hmm789

Thank you for reaching out to us, it sounds like your boyfriend is really struggling with his wellbeing at the moment. I can hear just how much you want to help him through this and be there for him- its such a hard situation for you both

Its hard to watch someone you love go through pain and feel like they aren’t letting you be there for them. We hear from other young people supporting family, friends or partners that they wish there was something they can say or do to lift the person they love out of the pain. It is a process, but with the right support, he can manage the mood changes.

Is he accessing any professional support for how he is feeling at the moment? Has this been something he has felt for a while or something new?

I can hear how invested you are in his wellbeing- you are doing all the right things by letting him know you are there for him. While he may push you away at the moment, there may also be a time where he does reach out for support. Do you have supports to help you through this too?

[hmm789]

Thankyou @Jess1-RO

He isn't accessing any professional help at the moment but he does write down things which helps him. 

Its been an on and off thing for a while brought out by family issues that he has.

I have friends to help me but I don't feel I should tell them everything because it's a personal thing for him and I don't really have the right to tell my friends about it. 

[Esperanza67]

Hey @hmm789, I think it's great that you're looking out for your boyfriend's well-being, you're an amazing person for doing so . You've mentioned that your boyfriend is aware that he can reach out to for support, am I right? Even though at the moment he isn't receptive to your help/support, the fact he is aware that you're there for him to reach out to can be sometimes be enough support for now.

One tip that I find very useful when supporting people is asking them how they're going/supporting them through texting rather than through face-to-face conversation as I find this makes them easier and more confident to open up. Have you tried this before? Do you think this could work?