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How to gain confidence

I’m making this thread because I really struggle to talk and open up to people in person and there are always so many things I need to tell my counsellor when I see her but I just can’t tell her.. I get so nervous and I can’t help it. I was wondering if anyone has any tips on how to feel more comfortable talking to someone in person and getting past that fear of judgment when talking? I have no confidence with talking at all and I would really like to change that but I need help because I don’t know how..

Re: How to gain confidence

Hey @Bananatime04 ,

I definitely get nervous talking to people (are icebreaker games anyone else's actual nightmare?). I think talking to a counselor is also a really great place to work on it as well as it's a supportive person in a one on one environment Smiley Happy 

 

I find I always feel most nervous when I'm not prepared, sometimes I think I'm prepared in my head but then coming to say it out loud is a whole other thing. Before I have to talk about something I always either write it down or practice out loud to myself because I find knowing the literal words I want to say always makes me feel more confident.

 

Have you ever tried something like before seeing your counselor?

Re: How to gain confidence

Thanks @Tasi
I’m always nervous no matter how big or small the situation is, if it involves speaking and there are people or just one person, I find it really hard to talk and my heart beats really really fast and my blood pressure rises making me go red but I can’t help it.. I’ve always been like that and I absolutely hate it!
No sorry I haven’t actually tried anything before seeing my counsellor but I don’t know what I could do.. I just stress about everything I could do wrong in the session and then there is more pressure. I just need more confidence but I don’t know how..

Re: How to gain confidence

Hey @Bananatime04, thanks for starting a thread about this. I struggle a fair bit with confidence too.

Something that I've tried is using a quote or mantra that I write or say to myself over and over before I'm going into a daunting situation. Do you reckon that's something you could try? Smiley Happy  

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: How to gain confidence

I will try it right now @letitgo I’m about to go see someone

Re: How to gain confidence

Hey @Bananatime04 ,

 

I hope it goes really well today and that @letitgo's advice really works for u!!

 

I was thinking about your thread today and I realised I completely forgot that other than writing down what I want to say, the other thing I do is listen to really pumped up music right before I have to do something that makes me nervous! It sounds silly but I pretend I'm in a movie with a great sound track and I feel super great walking around with my ear phones in hahah!

 

If you have some music that hypes you up I recommend!

 

Re: How to gain confidence

I’m really sorry but the person I was seeing wasn’t available when I was supposed to see her so I had to go after school and then forgot what I had to do then she told me something that’s really put me down but thank you so much for you suggestions. If I ever decide I deserve help again I will be sure to try them out. I’m sorry

Re: How to gain confidence

Hey @Bananatime04 ,

 

Please don't apologize! It sound like you've had a day of some tough stuff that was outside your control so, congrats on surviving it!!

 

I'm sorry to hear that something has put you down today. If you wanted to talk about it I'm here to listen but if you have worked through it already and don't want to bring it back up I understand. Other than that I hope your day at school went ok Smiley Happy I have had a very unproductive day of procrastination (oops)

 

Lastly, please know everyone deserves help <3 and there is usually more than one way if a certain kind of help isn't working out

 

Re: How to gain confidence

Sorry.. if you do want to know what happened, it’s in my other thread. It’s called TW life seems too hard. But note the trigger warning.. I don’t want to trigger you..

Re: How to gain confidence

Hey @Bananatime04
Well done on making this thread! Heart
Gaining confidence to talk about sensitive (or not so sensitive) things can be challenging when we don't have much confidence within our selves.
Reading through your initial post, it reminded me of myself in a lot of ways. Like you, I also struggled to talk to people, I was scared they were judging me. I also always felt like my throat was scratchy and my voice wasn't there like it would temporarily disappear! When I started seeking help for my mental health and seeing a counsellor, I would end up in panic attacks that left me frozen in fear - I couldn't even look at them!

For me, things were very slow to change. And sometimes I still get caught in that anxiety and fear around sharing what is going on for me.
But some things that I have found helped me included
- Writing things down - I would write (or type mostly) an email/letter to my professional and either email or show them on my phone. This allowed me to let them know what was going on without having to try and speak it! Sometimes I still find this anxiety-provoking today - and often that is when the issue is really close or traumatic. I breathe my way through this - I tell myself that the person who I am showing this too is a safe person and I can trust them.
- I play with things during the session. My favourite is a tangle. (it's basically a plastic toy which you can move around in different directions and stuff)
- Treat yourself every time you try/succeed in sharing/talking/opening up to someone. It might be that you said hello to someone you don't talk to regularly or something bigger, but by acknowledging the smaller ones and celebrating them your mind will start o recognise that they are good things and over time they won't feel as scary or as hard Smiley Happy
(I think that covers it, for now, if I think of any more, I'll come back and let you know Smiley Happy )

I hope this helps, and I hope me sharing m story helps you in some way - even if it's just that you feel less alone Heart xx

 


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